Desr Poodlegirl, I am not surprised you are lost for words.

This is very disrespectful. She sounds like she has mental problems. After much prayer decide between DH and yourself how to handle it. There are some things in that email I think should be addressed by your DH and you. The trivia about the card and FB are minor. The false accusations are a different story. I would set the record of truth from false straight in a loving Christian way. I would address her words about their marriage. You could let her know you are certainly not against it or her. I would not keep the communication going but a one time email addressed to her and copied to your ES. Don't you agree?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pketb6gxR3w

TD Jakes ... let them walk ... watch this about 10 times....

You are not a doormat Poodlegirl. I have to tell you that I would disconnect ... they have run over you with the car and are being dragged underneath as you hang on for dear life .... I think when they diss you over and over again and make it clear they want no contact, at some point you have to believe them and let them go.

Even God gives people over to their sin, to a reprobate mind and gives them what they want ... life without Him....

I don't know your whole story, but it seems you have done what you can do, and even the minimum and something as benign as a Christmas card stirs up this kind of venom in them .... They have no mercy, no love ... you did what you could do ... now it's the BIG DADDY'S TURN....

Seems to me, and it's only my 2 cents, but it seems like it's time to let them go ... turn them over to the Lord and wait on Him to change their hard hearts.

This just may be your time to lean into the Lord ... let Him carry you for a while ... . In the end, it's just you and the Lord .... Perhaps it is your time to rest and let Him carry the entirety of this load. He is able ... We are weak, but He is strong.

Yes, the words your DIL and ES have said are horrible and hurtful ... but it is their sin ... let it be between them and God ... You keep your conscience clear ... keeping putting these offenses and hurts at the feet of Jesus. Praying ... HUGS .... You will get through this ... this too shall pass....

poodlegirl, I'm so sorry for the way your DIL speaks to you. Truly, she sounds very ill, and evil. After much prayer and guidance from the Lord, I wonder if He would want you to send a simple forgiving response, then walk away. Walking away is a difficult thing to do, but no longer being the victim of unprovoked evil words will allow you to begin healing. She seems to enjoy taunting you and your DH.

The pain of missing my ED and GC will always be there, but I'm finally healing after years of unprovoked evil from my ED and SIL now that there's no contact at all.

Blessings and hugs......

What our kids are doing is horrible and sinful in the eyes of God. It is important that we understand that this is sin (cursing their parents), and is an offense not only to us, but to God. This is interesting commentary of Proverbs 20:20 ... We need to understand they our EC's, are in utter darkness when they behave this way ... it is just outward evidence of the condition of their heart ... While we must pray for them, I don't believe we must subject ourselves to their continued abuse either. While we long to fellowship with our kids and grandkids, we must insist on a minimum of civility and not allow them to divide us from our spouse or God.

I copied and pasted in its entirety ... some of the commentary is very good ....

Proverbs 20:20
New International Version
If someone curses their father or mother, their lamp will be snuffed out in pitch darkness.

New Living Translation
If you insult your father or mother, your light will be snuffed out in total darkness.

English Standard Version
If one curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in utter darkness.

New American Standard Bible
He who curses his father or his mother, His lamp will go out in time of darkness.

King James Bible
Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness.

Holman Christian Standard Bible
Whoever curses his father or mother-- his lamp will go out in deep darkness.

International Standard Version
Whoever curses his father or mother, his lamp will be extinguished in the deepest darkness.

NET Bible
The one who curses his father and his mother, his lamp will be extinguished in the blackest darkness.

Aramaic Bible in Plain English
He that curses his father and his mother will extinguish his lamp as dark pupils.

GOD'S WORD® Translation
The lamp of the person who curses his father and mother will be snuffed out in total darkness.

JPS Tanakh 1917
Whoso curseth his father or his mother, His lamp shall be put out in the blackest darkness.

New American Standard 1977
He who curses his father or his mother,
His lamp will go out in time of darkness.

Jubilee Bible 2000
Whosoever curses his father or his mother, his fire shall be put out in obscure darkness.

King James 2000 Bible
Whosoever curses his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in utter darkness.

American King James Version
Whoever curses his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness.

American Standard Version
Whoso curseth his father or his mother, His lamp shall be put out in blackness of darkness.

Douay-Rheims Bible
He that curseth his father, and mother, his lamp shall be put out in the midst of darkness.

Darby Bible Translation
Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in the blackest darkness.

English Revised Version
Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in the blackest darkness.

Webster's Bible Translation
Whoever curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness.

World English Bible
Whoever curses his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in blackness of darkness.

Young's Literal Translation
Whoso is vilifying his father and his mother, Extinguished is his lamp in blackness of darkness.
Parallel Commentaries
Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary

20:7. A good man is not liable to uneasiness in contriving what he shall do, or in reflecting on what he has done, as those who walk in deceit. And his family fare better for his sake. 8. If great men are good men, they may do much good, and prevent very much evil. 9. Some can say, Through grace, we are cleaner than we have been; but it was the work of the Holy Spirit. 10. See the various deceits men use, of which the love of money is the root. The Lord will not bless what is thus gotten. 11. Parents should observe their children, that they may manage them accordingly. 12. All our powers and faculties are from God, and are to be employed for him. 13. Those that indulge themselves, may expect to want necessaries, which should have been gotten by honest labour. 14. Men use arts to get a good bargain, and to buy cheap; whereas a man ought to be ashamed of a fraud and a lie. 15. He that prefers true knowledge to riches, follows the ways of religion and happiness. If we really believed this truth, the word of God would be valued as it deserves, and the world would lose its tempting influence. 16. Those ruin themselves who entangle themselves in rash suretiship. Also those who are in league with abandoned women. Place no confidence in either. 17. Wealth gotten by fraud may be sweet, for the carnal mind takes pleasure in the success of wicked devices; but it will be bitter in the reflection. 18. Especially we need advice in spiritual warfare. The word and Spirit of God are the best counsellors in every point. 19. Those dearly buy their own praise, who put confidence in a man because he speaks fairly. 20. An undutiful child will become very miserable. Never let him expect any peace or comfort. 21. An estate suddenly raised, is often as suddenly ruined. 22. Wait on the Lord, attend his pleasure, and he will protect thee.

Pulpit Commentary

Verse 20. - This is an enforcement of the fifth commandment, by denouncing the punishment which the moral government of God shall exact from the unnatural child. The legal penalty may be seen (Exodus 21:17; Leviticus 20:9); but this was probably seldom or never carried into execution (comp. Matthew 15:4; Mark 7:10). His lamp shall be put out in obscure (the blackest) darkness (comp. Proverbs 13:9). The expression is peculiar; it is literally, according to the Khetib, In the apple of the eye of darkness, as in Proverbs 7:9; i.e. in the very centre of darkness; he will find himself surrounded on all sides by midnight darkness, without escape, with no hope of Divine protection. "Lamp" is a metaphor applied to the bodily and the spiritual life, to happiness and prosperity, to a man's fame and reputation, to a man's posterity; and all these senses may be involved in the denunciation of the disobedient and stubborn child. He shall suffer in body and soul, in character, in fortune, in his children. His fate is the exact counterpart of the blessing promised in the Law. Septuagint, "The lamp of him that revileth father and mother shall be extinguished, and the pupils of his eyes shall behold darkness." Talmud, "Whosoever abandons his parents means his body to become the prey of scorpions." Cato, 'Dist.,' 3:23 -

"Dilige non aegra caros pietate parentes;
Nec matrem offendas, dum vis bonus esse parenti." One of the evil generations denounced by Agur (Proverbs 30:11) is that which curseth parents.

Gill's Exposition of the Entire Bible

Whoso curseth his father or his mother,.... This is dreadful indeed! a person must be got to a great pitch of wickedness to do this; to curse his parents, one or other of them, that have been the instruments of his being, and by whom he has been brought up and put out into the world; to slight them, despise them, and mock at them, is highly base and criminal, but to curse them is shocking! what can such expect but the curse of God upon them?

his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness; he shall be deprived of his natural sight; see Proverbs 30:17; or the very light of nature shall be extinct in him; and indeed such an one acts as if not guided by it, nor under its influence; or whatsoever favour from the Lord he has enjoyed, it shall be taken from him; his lamp or candle of outward felicity shall be quenched, and burn no longer; see Job 18:5; or his soul, the candle of the Lord, in him, Proverbs 20:27; shall be removed; or he "shall die", not only a corporeal but an eternal death; see Exodus 21:17; "blackness of darkness" (h) as the words may be rendered, are reserved for him in the world to come, and which will be his portion, Jde 1:13.

(h) "in obscuritate tenebrarum", Pagninus, Mercerus; "in nigredine tenebrarum", Michaelis.

Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary

20. his lamp—(Compare Pr 13:9; 24:20).

Proverbs 20:20 Additional Commentaries
Context
Wine is a Mocker
…19He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, Therefore do not associate with a gossip. 20He who curses his father or his mother, His lamp will go out in time of darkness. 21An inheritance gained hurriedly at the beginning Will not be blessed in the end.…
Cross References
Matthew 15:4
For God said, 'Honor your father and mother' and 'Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.'

Exodus 21:17
"Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.

Leviticus 20:9
"'Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death. Because they have cursed their father or mother, their blood will be on their own head.

Job 18:5
"The lamp of a wicked man is snuffed out; the flame of his fire stops burning.

Proverbs 13:9
The light of the righteous shines brightly, but the lamp of the wicked is snuffed out.

Proverbs 20:21
An inheritance claimed too soon will not be blessed at the end.

Proverbs 24:20
for the evildoer has no future hope, and the lamp of the wicked will be snuffed out.

Proverbs 30:11
"There are those who curse their fathers and do not bless their mothers;
Treasury of Scripture
Whoever curses his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness.

curseth

Proverbs 30:11,17 There is a generation that curses their father, and does not bless …
Exodus 20:12 Honor your father and your mother: that your days may be long on …
Exodus 21:17 And he that curses his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.
Leviticus 20:9 For every one that curses his father or his mother shall be surely …
Deuteronomy 27:16 Cursed be he that sets light by his father or his mother. And all …
Matthew 22:13 Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take …
Matthew 25:8 And the foolish said to the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps …
Jude 1:13 Raging waves of the sea, foaming out their own shame; wandering stars, …
lamp or candle

Proverbs 20:27 The spirit of man is the candle of the LORD, searching all the inward …
Jump to Previous
Blackest Blackness Curse Curses Curseth Darkness Extinguished Lamp Mother Night Obscure Pitch Puts Snuffed Time Utter
Jump to Next
Blackest Blackness Curse Curses Curseth Darkness Extinguished Lamp Mother Night Obscure Pitch Puts Snuffed Time Utter
Links
Proverbs 20:20 NIV
Proverbs 20:20 NLT
Proverbs 20:20 ESV
Proverbs 20:20 NASB
Proverbs 20:20 KJV

Proverbs 20:20 Bible Apps
Proverbs 20:20 Bible Suite
Proverbs 20:20 Biblia Paralela
Proverbs 20:20 Chinese Bible
Proverbs 20:20 French Bible
Proverbs 20:20 German Bible

Alphabetical: a be curses darkness father go He his If in lamp man mother of or out pitch snuffed time who will

OT Poetry: Proverbs 20:20 Whoever curses his father or his mother (Prov. Pro Pr) Christian Bible Study Resources, Dictionary, Concordance and Search Tools

Bible Hub

Thank you for these great scriptures. God takes the way children act towards their parents very seriously.

How painful and I am sorry you had to be subjected to all that hate just for sending a card! I can hear how your heart is broken and you are tired. Sounds like your DIL is having a royal temper tantrum. Be gentle with yourself, pray, and wait to respond..... maybe don't respond. Probably , no matter what you would say it would be wrong in her eyes. It's hard to accept, but, it seems that trying to show love and make everything right or speak the truth or correct our ec's misconceptions of us just doesn't yield good results Most likely, the truth doesn't matter to your DIL, she just wants to hurt you. Maybe it is time to give her nothing to attack, then what will she do to feed her ego? I personally found it very hard to not try to connect with my ed. I thought we could work it all out if we tried hard enough, but I finally realized that my ed isn't interested in changing her mind about me or healing(at least right now and maybe never) .I felt frantic because I have 2 grandchildren that I don't know and they are growing up and no one in the family knows them, so I tried and tried. The result was that I was being infected by subjecting myself to her abuse. I finally had to respect her wishes of no relationship because she cut us off entirely by moving and blocking calls etc. I was shocked at first, but at least I was limited in my interactions and didn't have to hear more and more lies and hate. You were showing love by even reaching out to them and your son and DIL are not. You can hold your head high, because you did the right thing, they did not. I have faith that God hears our prayers and he is with us and working, but this society we are living in now, the world and this generation condone this horrible, selfish behavior. Our children have free will.to rebel but God can reach any heart. I like Romans 12:12 as a helpful encouraging verse. All of Romans 12:9-21 balances me. God Bless and give you and your dh peace and unity .

Thank you difficult time, well to say our children sin against us is an understatement. They are so far from where they should be spiritually. They think they are right in their own eyes. Ignoring Gods word. How we suffere because of their actions.

Thank you for writing about the consequences ..it has been something I have learned today. Even though I knew it was sinful.

Your DIL's mental illness seems evident in her email to you... It is so ridiculous, disrespectful, bullying...rebellion but comes with such consequences. I love the Scriptures shared here--God understands the rebellion we face and warns all of us of the consequences. I agree with Linda, when your emotions are calmed down by the absurdity of what you received from her, you should straight forward address the lies as Linda says in a loving Christian way...and then leave it be without further comment so she doesn't grow it into an argument. It's hard to argue when one doesn't get a response.

Some days it is so frustrating dealing with the foolishness of these "children"... just wanna shake them! ugh.

Well I had a good night's sleep. Imagine that! I don't know how many of you have seen War Room, but I have and I did exactly what Elizabeth did....I have pages of prayers that I poured out to the Lord. I don't even know how long I prayed, but this is the first time I have written it down in page form. There are eight pages. It felt precious and good and right to do this, and I do not have mine tacked up in a room (I don't have a private room like she did in the movie) but mine are in my Bible. I cannot fix this, and it is not mine to fix. It is God's to fix. The only thing I can fix is myself, with God's help. Right now I am not going to do a thing about that email. I may later on, but not now. I am just resting and leaning in to the Lord. I am not sure if I shared this or not but my oldest son (who is a dear) is very worried about me and thinks she/they are dangerous. She is that crazy. She has been in jail before on assault charges, and well, I have tried to explain on here before how really deranged she is, and hopefully you can all see a peek into her mental illness now by the way she is behaving. Yet I was not afraid last night. Blessed the the Lord!

Oh and thank you everyone for the scriptures and kind words. Difficult time, that must have taken you a long while to do that. Thank you so much.

The best thing to do is pray. God bless you Poodle.

no, just copied and pasted from Biblehub.com ... you can plug in any verse and they will give you all the translations and commentary from various sources. I just copied the whole thing because there are so many comments made about this verse that I thought were food for thought.

Did you know? Bible Gateway will allow you to plug in any chapter or book of the bible and play it audio so you can just set it and listen to the Bible? It is a great tool, and very encouraging and calming and healing to hear to the Word of God....

So encouraged by you Poodlegirl ... just keep seeking Him ... you have a tremendous testimony here.... Hang in there!

Poodlegirl - how horrible, but we have to remember (I say "we" because I've received cruel messages as well) that there is nothing normal about her behavior. You must fortify your walls/boundaries, which means you have to block anyone either on FB or through email that do not mean you well. Block your DIL's email address and not only block it, but you can set an alert that anything that comes from her email address, be permanently deleted so you will never, ever see it.

I thought I had fortified my walls/boundaries but totally forgot about my oldest grandson. I actually didn't think I had to protect myself from him, but he did have a FB account (which he never used) and one day about three months ago, he sent me a FB message that was so vile- so that slipped through the cracks and I immediately blocked him.

We do not have to put up with this abuse and we must do what we have to do to protect our selves. I don't have any mutual family or friends as FB contacts anymore. Much more peace since I did that. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

Hugs!
Mountain Girl