I agree that in a marriage that the order is God first, spouse second, children, then other extended family members including parents. That is the Godly order with everyone being shown love and respect. Our example is Jesus. He would not and did not treat His mother with unkindness.

It is an age old situation of DILs and mother-in-laws not getting along. I still do not believe that a son should betray a parent and withhold gc no matter what. A husband should lead with Godly example for his wife and children. Do you agree?

I think you'll feel at ease now that you've made a decision. I also have two beautiful GC that are held hostage by my ED. I miss them terribly, but I cannot allow my ED to continue her " I love you, I love you not," behavior. It's much too painful. I also had to make the decision to no longer attempt to reach out, only to be used for whatever money or objects I was willing to purchase, then another mood would overtake her, and she would stop speaking to me all over again.

We can lift our EC up to The Throne of Our Lord, and pray that oneday, they will reach out to Him for forgiveness.

A husband should set a Godly example of course. The Bible clearly says to honour your father and mother. However, it also says to love your wife as Christ loves the church and gave his life for her. It says, as I stated above that a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife. It says the two shall become one.

My point is this. If you are criticizing your son's wife, it is as though you are criticizing him... they are one. A wise mother-in-law will find things to love about her daughter-in-law. She will understand that whether or not you think she is the right choice for your son.... she is HIS choice. And, he has an obligation and Godly responsibility to do whatever he needs to do to love his wife, and to keep his marriage intact.

Marriage is difficult enough these days. We need to make it easier for them, not harder. Embrace your in-laws and love them for who they are.

I ended up divorcing my first husband. As I look back, I believe a lot of it stemmed from feeling unaccepted and unloved by his parents. It caused a great deal of hardship for me, and my children.

Oh dear....after reading some of the responses I feel maybe I misled some of you. I guess my communication skills aren't so good. Please forgive me if I gave the wrong impression. I am not trying to come between my son and his wife. I fully agree that the Bible states a man shall leave his home and cleave to his wife. I absolutely think that and I would never interfere! I already have an older son who is married and I treasure his wife and do not interfere and I don't interfere with this son's marriage either. I guess I didn't explain fully what is going on....she has severe mental problems. He has come to us for help in getting away from her several times. He asked us for money for a divorce because he was afraid of the children to be around her because according to him, she was unfit and crazy. HE is the one who has done this, not us. The last time he spoke with us was a year ago, and he said the situation with her had become unbearable and he needed money for a divorce, and also that he needed us to help him get custody. We gave him the money, and never heard from him again, except a few months later he texted our oldest son and said they were expecting baby #2. Of course we backed off and never said a word more about the divorce, because obviously he wasn't getting one anymore. But then he just stopped talking to us. I wasn't interfering. I would text him "I love you and hope you are having a good week" and get no response. So that is what has been happening. And the second baby was born in January and we couldn't go visit the new baby until now, but she doesn't want us to come, and so we won't. Anyway, I hope I cleared that up. I feel terrible now.

Poodle, I thought you did a perfect job of explaining the situation from the beginning. God bless you and DH this weekend.

Poodlegirl, I'm sorry for my response to your post. This is a sensitive area for me, because of the reasons I stated. I hope I did not add to your hurt with what I posted. If I did I sincerely apologize for that. We are all hurting enough.. we don't need others adding to it. I was wrong in what I wrote. I hope you will forgive me.

Narcissists love dangling the carrot in a person's face and then taking it away by lying and blaming it on the victim. They are so cruel that they derive pleasure just knowing that their target is in pain. It's demonic and the chances of them changing are practically zero, sadly. Learning how to not get setup for their sick game of torture is key. If the ES deviates from the rules of the game, he will pay dearly!

Oh no, grandmother, there is no need to ask me to forgive you! I think all of us are hurting so much we are constantly second guessing ourselves and I always want you guys to be honest with me, and not just tell me what you think I want to hear. I do appreciate everyone's input and perspective and I know you are all just concerned. I honestly thought maybe I hadn't explained it right. My mind has been so muddled by everything sometimes I have to go back and re-read what I wrote, to make sure I conveyed it properly. Truthfully, sometimes when I read all of this out loud (and there is so much I have even left out) it sounds like something from a Jerry Springer episode, or a Lifetime Television for Woman movie. But please, no, do not worry and no apologies are needed. Thank you all for your concern.

Thank you, my sisters, for EVERYONES response. EVery single one of you means well, and is concerned, and you bring me so much comfort. This has truly been a hellacious time for me, but my other three children and my husband are so good and kind to me, that it warms my heart. My oldest son and his wife actually go to a different church and a different denomination, but they are joining us for Easter services, as is my daughter and her husband, and my youngest son home from college. It is their way of honoring us, and I am so humbled. Yes, I am sorrowful for what I lost (a son and two grandchildren, and also the prospect of a daughter in law) but I have so much in my life. I am so thankful for that. Oh, and on April 28 I will be welcoming ANOTHER grand baby via c-section. So yayyyyy for me. The only downside of all of this joy? My husband and I will be on a dream vacation to IRELAND during his birth but we will see him upon our return on May 3. Everyone have a blessed Easter! He is risen so that we might live eternally!

Poodle, Praise God for all the ways He blesses us.

I HATE Facebook. Too many people take it way too seriously & judge others based on who they are friends with & who "Likes" or doesn't like their posts. Its all ridiculous. I have pretty much gotten off FB, except to talk to a couple of old friends. Sounds like your DIL & your ES run hot & cold.

I don't understand how they can treat their own parents this way. It is not right.

I didn't enjoy Facebook for a very long time, but then I took control of it. I don't have people on there who cause me stress. I write a fair bit, so I post what I write. If someone doesn't like it... they don't have to read it. I have re-connected with old school friends and am planning a reunion in the summer (well I'm helping). If you take control of how you use it, and who has access to your page, it can be a wonderful addition to your life. If someone consistently posts things that make me sad (such as photos of them with their grandchildren), I simply un-follow them. They don't know I've done this, but it allows me to keep them as friends.

Well, I am still sad, but I am relieved that I have taken control and won't be abused any longer. I blocked DIL, ES, and the dead dog account that she has. She likes to log in as my son sometimes, and also she had a dog that died awhile back and she started a Facebook account for dog so she can stalk people who block her. Is that not the craziest thing? Anyway, I do feel a sense of peace now. I pray daily for my ES and the babies, who are so innocent. I would be lying if I said I was praying for DIL. I just don't feel ready for that yet. Hopefully someday I will be able to.