CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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lindajoan 02/16/2014

The word came to DH and my sons, today, through several different sources. Our ED (age 22) was engaged this weekend. I am thankful that I was in church when a former friend of our ED shared this news with me. She read it on FB. Our ED has lived with this bf, his mother, and siblings for almost a year. Not that our ED has wanted contact with family but these people have also discouraged it. May I mention that our ED gave up all family, all former friends, and all ministries (and they gave her up from their worship teams after she estranged.)
It is sad because this is something no mother would want to happen. A wedding is something that you dream of planning with your daughter. I know this is not part of God's plan for her life. I do not believe that God will honor a union where a bride or fiancé is leaving out their family. At one point before our ED left home she cared about serving God and then the enemy took over. The good Lord is surrounding me with His peace. I will continue to pray and remember that God is in control. The enemy would love for me to think that my prayers are not being answered. I have prayed that our ED would reach some kind of a bottom like the prodigal son. An engagement is hardly a bottom it seems although God has not stopped working and He does things in His way. A friend of mine, at church, reminded me today that the prodigal was enjoying himself ,too, before he landed in the mud.

Our ED lives nearby which makes things harder, I think. I do not plan on reaching out to her. That will have to come from her. I will trust God, keep praying, and count my blessings.

PS Boy, things like this certainly drive one to lots of junk food. Don't they?

martha2014 02/16/2014

Yes they do. Chocolate & Chips are my weakness. :) This is heartbreaking I am so very very sorry this is happening to you. But you R RIGHT she is in the enemy camp & the devil is using her to get 2 U but U R wise enough 2 know Who is really in control. maybe there is a lesson here she needs 2 learn. Having come from an abusive background I know the time will come a time when he will let her down & his family will take his side & after a few years of this she will realize who her family really is. I would have left him had I had a family to go home to. I will keep you in my prayers love martha

deleted_user 02/16/2014

That must have just been a kicker at church.. Well , these girls they post it and make like its cinderella story,, but seriously , shes living with her boyfriend and his family,,, wonder who bought the ring.. in a word ,,,, yuck.. reminds me of my dau mess.. Mine too was involved in church, raised in the church, sang on praise team, sang solos, and volunteered,, she was such a joy.. then she met him,, and became muslim.. this right after telling me she wanted to do more for God,,, Satan fights dirty... Keeps fighting back in prayer.. and if she does wind up really marrying this hondo.. well then pray hard for his salvation,, thats my game plan... huggs Robin

lindajoan 02/16/2014

martha, You are right! The enemy is the great destroyer but God is greater and we will not give up praying and trusting God. PS Just had chips and chocolate!

glazzbird, Yes she is living at the bf's mother's house since last April. Love the way you express yourself. Love the words, "Satan fights dirty...fight back in prayer."

GuelsMom 02/17/2014

Sometimes it takes me a while to respond to some topics because they are usually the ones that I sense the pain in the post and it just does not seem as though anything can be said to take away the pain. It is like when our kids were teenagers and got dumped by the "love of their life" and you know that no matter how hard you try to comfort them, it will never take the pain of rejection away. Topics like this and, first births, funerals, holidays and weddings without invites are the biggies for me and for most of us parents here. Somehow reminding someone who has just been hit with a baseball bat of reality that Jesus suffered the ultimate rejection, just doesn't seem to be enough.

All I can do is pray that these kids wake up and come to their senses soon. Linda you know I care a lot about you, and you know I am here for you through this. Please keep us posted. Perhaps she will start to think about how much this would hurt you and your DH - especially your DH who would be deprived of walking his daughter down the isle. That, if ignored, would be like a knife wound to any father's soul. My heart goes out to him also.

Big (((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))

rosearch 02/17/2014

Dear Lindajoan. Your story sounds so much like mine. Guelsmom is right, depriving a father of walking his baby down the isle is horrible and a mother the joy of planning the wedding...well, in the modern-day vernacular...it sucks. We've been there. You are so much farther along than I was at this point in the journey though. You KNOW to trust in God and not chase her. The father never chased the prodigal either. It is so painful to hear of our children carrying on in life as though we are insignificant. Keep praying for the entire situation and remember to pray for yourself to have patience to wait and trust in the Lord. Though the situation itself is not encouraging, I was encouraged by your response to it. God bless you sister.

soverysadmom 02/17/2014

lindajoan, my prayers are with you. It hurts me so badly to get all my es wonderful news second hand by friends at church, work, etc. My husband just this weekend sent our es a note saying that he does not believe God will bless a marriage where the groom's father and mother are left out. I doubt our son even read it though. I like where you said the prodigal was enjoying himself ,too, before he landed in the mud.

lindajoan 02/17/2014

GuelsMom, thank you always for your kindness and caring and words of wisdom. At this point I really think it is not in our ED's or in her enablers (bf and mother) agenda to contact us in any way. It is unbelievable what she has done to everyone including her 93 year old grandmother. Her 2 married brothers honored her in their weddings but she walked away from all good people. I don't think she has a conscience but she is still accountable to God. By God's grace DH and I will get through this time in a God honoring way. Sad, of course. In fact, this year we will attend two weddings of my friends' daughters. All I can do is pray that one day our ED will do as the prodigal did in reaching bottom and looking up.

rosearch, your kind response is appreciated. Betrayal is hard to accept but it is reality. Who was betrayed more than Jesus? Such true words you speak when you say keep praying. We must not give that up. May God bless each of us with His Shalom.

feellinghelpless 02/17/2014

LindaJoan, I feel for you. You and I are in about the same boat with our EDs. I wonder if I'll ever find out if mine gets engaged or married. Makes me wonder though how they set up the guests so one side of the church isn't empty.
As you've said many times, this isn't finished yet and we don't know the end. Marriage could make her grow up. Having kids could make her grow up. Having a failed marriage would have to do something.
Lay off the junk food. A little chocolate is ok, but too much can make you feel tired and more depressed.
Keep hanging on to Jesus

lindajoan 02/17/2014

sovery, I give your DH a lot of credit for the note he sent your ES. He spoke truth to him. Please let us know if he responds.

feeling, You are right. Only God knows what is ahead of our EC that will bring them to hearing His voice and obeying it. Our ED would have a hard time explaining why she did not include any of her family at a wedding. I do not know if it would be a church ceremony. Our ED was a church goer, of course, but I do not believe they are church goers. I do not even know when and if this engagement will result in a wedding sooner or later. The saddest part for me is that you pray as your children are growing up that they will wait for God's best. She didn't. I am sorry to say but I will be praying against it.

feellinghelpless 02/18/2014

I didn't necessarily mean a church wedding, but there's usually 2 sides. What a chore to have to split up a family to make sure both sides are even. That may make her think.
I know what you mean about praying for your children and then wondering what happened. Really takes a toll on your faith. I'm working on mine, but my husband's who was weak in the 1st place is really losing his. It helps to know that ours aren't the 1st to decide to go another direction. Some come back and sadly some don't. The ones who do are stronger. Think of Franklin Graham and I think Ruth (both of Billy Graham's children). I just read a quote from Ruth today: "The center of power isn't to be found in summit meetings or in peace conferences. It isn't in Peking or Washington or the United Nations, but rather where a child of God prays in the power of the Spirit for God's will to be done in her life, in her home, and in the world around her." We're not done praying.
By the way, just because your daughter's engaged doesn't mean you get to be involved. My other daughter who isn't estranged got engaged just before Thanksgiving and wants to do it all herself. I may get a little tidbit, but if I start asking questions or giving suggestions then I'm not told anymore. So much for that fun.

soverysadmom 02/18/2014

feelinghelpless, we have wondered too what our es will tell people when they see his mom and dad aren't at the wedding. We wonder what people will think? That we don't care? I hate the thought of that.

GuelsMom 02/18/2014

feeeling.....Re: "My other daughter who isn't estranged got engaged just before Thanksgiving and wants to do it all herself."

Now, does that mean she won't be asking you for any financial involvment?

feellinghelpless 02/18/2014

Guels, I've already told her I'm paying for very little of this wedding. She's planning a destination wedding for partly so "emabarrasing grandparents" can't attend. I told her that she should have a reception here afterward because in reality not everyone, even the ones she wants to attend, will be able to. Since I'm pushing for that, I'm paying for it.
I'm just saying sometimes even though your kids are around doesn't mean you get to take part in the planning. LindaJoan is missing out on that. There may not be much to miss.

lindajoan 02/18/2014

Feeling, thank you for the quote from Ruth Graham about the power of prayer. That is the truth. We must never give up praying.

deleted_user 02/18/2014

linda and feeling... I think it takes a really cold and hardened heart to do that to parents who love them and have loved them since day 1. I don't mean to make either of you sadder than you must be right now but parents have gone through so much with their kids during the growing up years that to deprive them of the crowning last moments of their parenting years is beyond revenge for something that was generated from issues that were most likely trivial in nature. In the Godly way of doing things, it's marriage and then children.

But it is marriage that cuts the ties to the parents as far as their responsibilities go because when their children come, they are the beginning of their own family and the parents know that they are now secondary as grandparents. When the father walks the bride down the isle it is a "turning over" ceremony that he looks forward to and, just as feeling said, the mom is deprived of helping her daughter to plan, share in the joy and be walked down the isle as the Mother of the Bride.

It is this that makes me both angry and saddened for you two moms as well as all the other moms and dads that have to go through that process. Thanks be to God that DH and I at least were able to be a part of our son's wedding and at least be there for our first grandchild - even thought the "winds of estrangement" were already in the air so to speak.

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