The call was an answer to your prayers. The dog was an angel. I glad your daughter called you. Don't read too much into it, just take the moment and enjoy, hopefully there will be many more.

And you know, despite what she says and does, she still needs you.

I agree it was an answer to my prayers as I have been really wanting to reach out to her lately. I guess that it is understood that I will be here if she needs me.

imresilient - she use to call me everyday. I did a lot for her and I have been suprised that she has managed this long on her own. I still don't think she realizes that.

Her first thought was to call you - her mom. You are definitely in her thoughts and heart. Praying she will call you again soon. At least she is thinking of you whereas my ES doesn't have any idea that we exist. Baby steps and small blessings but they are coming to you. God Bless. Hugs.

I' m so happy this is happening for you- one little crack in the dam and soon the whole thing will collapse (the dam that is). Seeing your prayers answered gives me so much hope! I got to agree with the above comment- take this moment and drink it up, bask in it, 'taste and see that the Lord is goooooood'

I agree with everthing above! I think that the thing that struck me was that she called you as if it was just an ordinary thing that any child would make to their parent. I used to get those calls, pre-DIL, where he would call just to ask how to cook a special dish. I'm happy for you!

Thanks! I fear that she will be too stubborn to come home admitting that she made a mistake. I was so angry when she left (in addition to sad, distraught, overwhelmed). About 2 months after she left I sent her an email telling her she could come home at any time, no questions asked - start fresh. Her response (which was written by him was something to the effect of stop trying to guilt trip me... I am not coming home)

Psalm 37:7-9
Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper—it only leads to harm. For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land.

The Psalm 37 quote was so helpful to me today DS4me..
Yes, we are to TRUST in the Lord...and to be still and wait patiently. God's words of wisdom, we can always count on.
And you know what? It's true, that dog was an angel dog...just so that you could hear your daughter's voice. There is HOPE for the future.
My son has responded the same way, when I emailed him last December that "my door is always open to you"...and "I miss you, and want to work this out".
My ES responded: "I won't be bullied into a relationship with you"...I know that I am NOT a bully....because a bully only wants to HURT you...and I have never expressed anything but love and concern for him and his wife (my DIL). The last time I checked, it's the "bully" who's the one who shuns(rejects) someone, not the person being rejected. It's not about us, as their Mom's, because our love is unconditional, and they are turning against our love. My son also said to stop "guilt tripping" him...but that's his conscience speaking....and your daughter's.
They bring upon their own guilt...because, very deep down inside of their hearts, they know that they are rejecting our love...it''s so, so, hard. Hang in there, I understand.

Thanks SadMad, I have read a few things today that remind me it will come in time - not on my timetable. I continue to try to remember that to keep moving through the days.

I thought it was her guilt that rises to the surface - - she has to know that this is wrong. It is her callous attitude that really bothers me. She knows how much I have suffered and I feel like she is sometimes almost laughing it off. Her BF intentionally responds to my emails with malice. I decided to stop responding and not to initiate any contact myself.

Until our estranged children turn their hearts over to the God of the universe..the One who created them and until they accept and believe that Jesus died on the cross to forgive them of their sins, they will continue down the "wide" road to destruction. I've finally realized that. All I can do for my ES now is to pray for him. Everything in my "mother's" heart wants to reach out to him...but we need to let God do the "unseen" work and step aside. This is so God can do the "heart" work. I keep going back to the "prodigal son" story in the Bible. They need to get so "low", that God's the Only One they can call on.
It IS very difficult to let go because as loving mothers, we are "programmed" to want to "help" and "reach out"...but like the father in the Bible story of the prodigal...he waited...and he never "chased" the son. If the father had rescued his errant son before he started eating from the pig's food in the pig's stye, the son would not have realized how much of his father's love he was missing out on. The prodigal son probably would have "mocked" his father, if he never got to the "pig" stage.
Sometimes, they have to get that "low", down in the ditch..rock bottom..however you want to describe it.
Never easy. Always painful to watch them self-destruct, and very, very, difficult to wait, especially if grandchildren are involved. (I'm taking my own advice here). Lord, please turn their hearts to You! Please, open their eyes! Lord, we plead on behalf of these defiant loved ones..they need You now.
I bet that the father in the prodigal story "prayed" a LOT. And the Lord DID answer his prayers.
Keep praying my dear friends...keep praying!

You are so right sadmad11 it's a lesson they must learn and reach that "low"point. I love the referral to God's "heart" work and that's exactly why we need to let go so that God can do His work. I'm going to share this with my husband.

Sadmad I love the way you have expounded on the Prodigal son. What you have said is so true. So much of our parenting was focused on protection--it is hard to let them suffer their consequences. The father in the Prodigal son handled the situation right.

Yes, yes, yes... It is hard to do but I have surrendered to His will. There is nothing I can do to change the circumstances or I would have done it already. It is a comfort to put the "burden" aside.

Honestly, I would say she had hit the bottom but I guess the question at this point is "how low can you go?"

I wanted to post an update on my original posting about the phone call from my daughter. This is the message that she is part of the message she sent to my brother.... "I called her up a week ago because I had seen a dog running lose, she knows alot about dogs so I called to see what I should do to get the dog close to me.. then she changed subjects "So where are you working?" and I said "No where I was working at Home Depot but they let me go. I've been doing ancestry stuff while waiting for a job" and she said "oh thats right your lazy" again the "you can't do anything your just a lazy bum" she had that attitude in her tone of voice too when she had said it. And people want me to forgive that person?"

I am not sure what in the world she is talking about!! I tried to replay the conversation in my head over and over. Was the word "lazy" ever used?? Ah - she said she was still in her pajamas (at 3pm) and I said something to the fact that is it a lazy day today?? No contempt in my voice at all.

I have access to one of her email accounts that she didn't change the password to. Honestly, I rarely go in to read the mail because it is too depressing. I did discover she has been writing regularly to my half-brother who is 13 years my senior and I don't know well because he was estranged from the family when I was 5! The stories she tells him are so fabricated. He has been doing a good job of fueling her fire.

I just needed to vent. I have been stalking the board when I can, just got back from vacation and preparing to leave with work was all consuming!

DS4, it does sound like your ED is the one with contempt in her voice and heart. How heartbreaking and surreal to actually read her words and know how she is feeling. I'm sorry your brother is involved and adding to the drama and pain. And, so I guess that makes you the worst parent ever if you called your adult unemployed child who is wearing pj's at 3 p.m. "lazy"? Not that I'm in favor of name calling as a rule, but "lazy" doesn't seem to fall into the category of unforgivable. Sounds like she needs to experience some of life's real hardships in order to appreciate a parent who cares enough to ask after her even after receiving the silent treatment for almost a year. It's so hard to be the bad guy no matter what the truth may be. I'm feeling for you!