Sommersmom, I feel the same way you do. I don't even know this person my ED has become. I am afraid of her. When it came right down with me possibly having the ability to communicate with her through my son, I realized I don't want to. After all this time has gone by, I don't want a relationship with this person. My SIL has brainwashed her. He is evil. I am praying they come to the end of themselves and confess their turning their back on God, denying His existence. They have to come to the end of self in order to look up.

Amen Sylvia. May Our Lord forgive them...

Hi all, I believe the saying "what goes around, comes around" because, now that I am the mother of an ES, I remember, when I was an ED, the many years and Father's/Mother's days that I let slide by without a thought of who I was hurting or even if I was hurting them. I felt as though they had deserted ME (which they had) so I had put them out of my mind. I don't remember having had any sad feelings (other than, maybe, for myself) that I didn't contact them for years. THEN, when I became a Christian, I realized that it was my duty to honour my Father & Mother and I finally made the contact. If our children aren't really Christian, I don't believe that it bothers them at all that they are treating us badly. they are thinking only of themselves and their own little family unit. I pray that The Lord will soften their hearts and help them to see the damage that they are doing.

Sometimes the hurt is almost unbearable

Myworld2 I understand where you are. As long as my SIL has control over my ED she will never come back even if she wanted to. I am not saying my ED is completely innocent because she has made the choices that she has. And like you the person she has become I don't love. Only God can bring the daughter I knew back.

I told my dh that i dont even know who our son is anymore,and i finally said my peace to both son,dil i couldnt hold my tongue any longer. Havnt heard from dil and that is ok she has given us nothing but grief,issues. Our son came by fathers day went ok didnt bring gs but we didnt ask. Buti woke this morning very sad,cried my dh said he was going talk to son, I told NO! cause i meant every word i said to both of them,and dont want them to think i regret what i said because i dont, I spoke the truth and if the truth hurt them so be it. And i also told them i know it will be awhile be fore i see gs and i have to accept it.

I remember one time years ago I was upset with my mother over something she said about how I changed a diaper or something. I ended up leaving her house, mad. I couldn't sleep all night, worrying about it and when I woke up the first thing I did was call and apologize. What has happened to our children? I know satan has them blinded.

Soverysadmom I have asked myself the same thing. I remember getting really mad at my Mother as an adult but I didn't disown her. I didn't call her toxic. I didn't make up stories and put them on the internet so people would feel sorry for me. The only difference I can see is her and her husband now saying they are atheists. Turning their back on God. Even telling people they regret witnessing to people in the past. The difference is Christ Jesus. so we as EP's are suffering for Christ Jesus. Glory to His precious name

I agree. What has happened to our children (EC) is that they are believing the lies of the enemy, making bad choices (due to free will), and not obeying God's Word to honor their parents. This is disobedience to God as well as parents.

SweetSon - your story of a changed life and heart after becoming a believer is encouraging. Thank you for sharing.

For those of us who have EC's who are silent for years, I don't know if we can know if they feel remorse or not. Sometimes we have the illusion that they are all happy without us ... but God is pretty clear in his word that our EC's are not blessed when they disrespect parents ... God says they are in the dark and can't see where they are going, sorta flailing around blindly ... which means they stumble and fall and don't have the benefit of God's light to their path.
I think the enemy lies to us too ... We have the illusion are kids are just fine without us sometimes and are living the good life, when in fact they are in Satan's guilded cage and they don't realize it.
For me, it helps to stay focused on what God says about our EC's having such disrespect and contempt for us ... it's not good, for them. Satan is a liar and a thief and sometimes he makes it seem like all is good in our EC's life in their sin ... our kids wallow in it and that's why we must be faithful to pray pray pray for them because we know that it is a pretty trap Satan has set for them ... comfortable in their sin, and then WHAM, HE SNAPS THE DOOR SHUT ....
Lets be really clear about the sin our kids are in but disrespecting and disowning their own parents. This is clearly NOT the will of God for them, nor the path of God's blessing. But, God allows them to make their choices ... We their parents have the power of prayer. We musn't forget and neglect to use it ... May God help our kids .... as us as we suffer from the fallout of their bad choices too. God promises to make it all okay for us and to repay us for our troubles ... he delivers us out of all of our troubles.... Thank God!

Thank Difficult and to all of you. They do need our prayers.

My ES contacted me recently after 10 years. He said something interesting.... "I've been thinking about calling you because I don't want to have any regrets." He explained that his mother-in-law had been diagnosed with cancer, so his wife (also estranged from her mom) decided to get in touch with her. This sounded cold and callous to me. It sounded like he was saying HE didn't want to experience discomfort so HE was protecting HIMSELF... It was all about HIM.... not me. I think this has nothing to do with REMORSE. Remorse would seem to be a true sorrow over your actions because you regret how it hurt someone else. In the case of my ES and I'm sure other EC's trying to eliminate their guilt is far different, it is a self centered act to the max.

sweetson....the saying "what goes around comes around" is what the whole book of Obediah teaches in the Bible....it is a short book but lots of meaning. =)

We all need prayer.....especially we who have been 'used and abused'.

I don't think they have remorse. In most cases-- mine for sure-- kids are raised thinking it is all about them so they couldn't possibly be anything but right.