they must have some deep down inside don't you think.......how could they not......they just try to block it out....

I think sometimes they do but then it goes right back, i dont know if they ever have a breaking point ,and how do you know if they really feel bad,or do they just want something

I do believe it is true about no remorse. They do not want to be accountable. They seem to want to take the easy road. They would rather play the role of the victim.

I think the only way to know is if they repent and try to make things right. That is God's way.

I think it is because they truly think they are right and we are the ones that are wrong. And like I have said a zillion times, I really do think a lot of them (my son included) must have a screw loose and they are under the influence of the Enemy.

I totally agree with all of you. I just cannot comprehend in my mind myself doing the things our EC have done to us. It would hurt me so much deep down knowing I purposely caused someone else to hurt due to my actions and words.

I will give you one example of what our ES did to my husband several times. They always went hunting every yer together since our son was about 13 yrs old. It was a big deal. The last few years they would get motel room and before that they actually stayed in our travel trailer. Then all of a sudden our son started to call my husband up a few weeks before and tell him I have decided to go with someone else this year. My husband was wiser than me and said, "oh no problem I am still going to go". Then at the very last minute our son would say he changed his mind and was going with 'dad' after all. What a total jerk....I know my husband was hurt but did not let him know it. Wise way to act...it would have just gave ES the satisfaction he wanted. he wanted 'to hurt his dad' my husband was a wonderful dad and did alot with both kids.

They have no remorse because their actions are intended to hurt....hard egg to swallow but in the end we have to accept the truth if we want to or not..

Satan has brainwashed them into thinking they have every right to treat us the way they do. They believe the lies after awhile. My ED put some awful stuff about me on ExChristian.net. Both her and her husband are atheists now. This is a Spiritual battle. They have blind eyes to the truth. Prayer is the greatest thing we can do for them right now.

People may think somethings the ec do to us is childish but when your not use to the treatment on certain dates it really effects us {myself}. Like my birthday was 6/7,ok my son lied and said he was in astore with my gs,but we found he was inwest virgina thats ok no need to lie but he did,came by middle ofwk with gs and said was going back in couple wks we thats good,then he said going to celebrate dil gm bday with his bday. no card from any of them i know its childish. So no I dont know if there is remorse,He coulnt come empty handed i guesss so he brought mea mountain dew in a bottle from wv.

Edr1961 it's not childish. The worst for me is Mothers Day. I dwell on my ED instead of thanking God for the phone calls from my sons. My step daughter that I raised does stuff with her natural Mother and Mother in law. I get left on the back burner. And I am the one who raised her. Even when my ED had a relationship with me I was lucky if I got a phone call. It's getting so I hate Mother's Day. I feel like it's childish. But no matter what I never forgot my Mom on Mother's Day. I don't understand how self centered the world has become.

Oh thank you for responding back,I am glad i'm not the only one. I finally spoke up to both of them{son,dil}.for how me and dh are being treated, I think it went in one ear and out the other,it may cause hard feeling with them oh well,they should have thought about it.its ok when they talk to us bad,i just gave it back to them and havnt spoke since to dil,son has text to say he was on way to work.I spoke my peace,and told my son we love him and glad he is happy,but they will no longer disrespect us any longer.And if i dont see him and gs for awhile i have to accept it. So many times they have hurt us and i think its beyond repair,but we will continue to love them and our door is always open,and will pray.Sorry didnt know i was going to talk this much but needed to tell someone i just couldnt go on

Edr1961 I am glad you posted this. It has helped me not to feel guilty for not trying any more with my ED. We have to think of ourselves and living in peace.

I have been thinking about my Mothers Day comment above and I had a thought. Because we have each other, we can come here on Mothers Day and holidays, our birthdays. We can lean on each other during these times. Just knowing this puts a smile on my face!

sometimes someone will say something that makes you think " wait a minute sounds like my problem" i'm not alone. And we are not alone.

We seem to be displaced people without closure. But, I feel that only time can lessen the pain of estrangement. I feel that trying to get attached to grandchildren of my ED is a recipe for disaster. Sadly, I know more about strangers I really dont know anything about my ED of 10 years.I dont even know why I still hurt because quite honestly I could never trust her around me again so, I dont know if I even want her back anymore. I am obsessed with the idea of having a daughter but she really does not want to be that relative at all.

i understand i always visioned a family that would gather at meals and we did have that when they were young. and i understand them becoming adults,going on with there lifes,getting married,having children.But dont forget where you come from,just because dil didnt have a close family tie dont chose that for your life,and your childrens life.I dont want them stuck up my butt,i dont ask them for nothing just do the right thing

I have the same feelings Valerieia. It's been so long now since my ED estranged. I run over the memories of everything I did for my children, and it completely confuses me how one child could simply walk away, and tell mistruths about how she was raised. I'm not sure how I could except her back if she even tried. I'd be so fearful that she'd leave again the moment I said something wrong, or didn't loan her the money she'd ask for. It's almost easier this way.....how sad is that?