CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
It was the little one's birthday on Saturday and because of the estrangement of my daughter, it was the first of the little one's birthdays I was forced to miss.
I wept all day. ALL day. I felt so bereaved. I have not seen her for eight months. It seems like an eternity.
I wondered "Will she remember us when she grows up?" - I don't have many memories before I turned six.
I heard from a church member when my ED goes (yes, she goes to church!) that the little one has a broken arm after falling off some playground equipment at her nursery school.
My son who sees them often enough had not shared this with me. He refuses to become involved. Even that hurts me.
I still sit wondering how this happened. I think of all the love and support we gave from the moment we heard of the pregnancy and I wonder if my daughter will ever grow up and realize how she fell into the hands of a manipulative, cunning and possessive family whose grandmother would shout at me "She is MY granddaughter!!" as if I was not.
It's hard to leave this in God's hands. But I know I must.
I wept all day. ALL day. I felt so bereaved. I have not seen her for eight months. It seems like an eternity.
I wondered "Will she remember us when she grows up?" - I don't have many memories before I turned six.
I heard from a church member when my ED goes (yes, she goes to church!) that the little one has a broken arm after falling off some playground equipment at her nursery school.
My son who sees them often enough had not shared this with me. He refuses to become involved. Even that hurts me.
I still sit wondering how this happened. I think of all the love and support we gave from the moment we heard of the pregnancy and I wonder if my daughter will ever grow up and realize how she fell into the hands of a manipulative, cunning and possessive family whose grandmother would shout at me "She is MY granddaughter!!" as if I was not.
It's hard to leave this in God's hands. But I know I must.
In my situation, not only us but my DIL's birth mother and family are not allowed to see her. My DIL's dad and his second wife have done such a mind game on my DIL and now my son that this little girl is robbed of both birth grandmothers. My son and DIL went so far as to name my GD after the evil step mom!
As you say, it is hard to leave this in God's hands but we must, each and every day turn it all over to Him and ask for His strong and loving arms.
It is heartbreaking and a horrible hole in my life. i removed all their photos and put them away, as I cannot take the reminders every day. I sent checks this year with the birthday cards a few months ago, and got hand written thank you notes from the kids. At least they know I am alive. I got my hopes up, but nothing more happened. My son had told me never to contact them again or he would get legal restraint. I don't believe that this monster is my son. I pray as well to the Lord to be able to accept this and move on.
My niece, mother of little cousin, told my ES that if he wanted no relationship with his parents and brother that she and her family didn't want a relationship with my ES either. My niece's husband is very religious and said ES was going against God's will.
Our ED (22 and unmarried) thought she was going to find the perfect enablers when she left 18 months ago, also. That was 8 or 9 places and family groups later. She is living like a gypsy because people finally learn the truth instead of her lies about who we really are.
You gc and the gc of each one here are the innocent. They would be so happy and blessed to have grandparents like the people you all are. The EC took a lot from their children. Our EC have done a lot of evil. It is truly of the enemy, not God.
When you all were talking about the grandchildren, all I could think was one, how much I missed his boys, and two, how much I love my daughters children who I do see but not enough considering how close to each other we live, and three,....If I had been the kind of mother that I am a grandmother, my son wouldn't have had to struggle through his adolescence so hard. I see nothing but my babies, no issues, just my babies. I love them and want only their happiness. Why couldn't my relationship with my son have been like that? Just love.
My other two grandchildren, who have been here for a visit for two weeks (they live out of state) are leaving day after tomorrow, then will be moving to Africa (my son is a missionary). That will mean all 7 grandchildren will be out of my life...I am not coping well with that right now.
My ED always said she didn't want the children "involved", whatever that means, and would not give them the gifts I sent early on in the estrangement. Now...if there is even a slight chance of reconciliation...I have no idea how I will tell them I never stopped loving them...how will they ever believe that?
They truly are the innocent victims, and Satan laughs when he brings our gc pain and deprives them of loving grandparents. I think we can only look to God for comfort...He is able to give it, and to understand our hurt. (((hugs)))
About what to say to your grandchildren.. you shouldn't have to say anything like you never stopped loving them. You just hug them, tell them that you love them and that you missed them. Kids are pretty resilient. We worry too much sometimes about what they think of the situation. They are going through so much with their father ill, that they probably haven't had time to think about much else. Im sure they miss you and will be happy just to be with you again.
I had the great misfortune to watch an EC weep at the open grave of her mother and it was not a good sight. All the words and deed said and done could not be taken back. It was too late.
I pray this does not happen to any of our children represented on this site and I pray for them all and for you all every night.
I have two beautiful fair-isle white sweaters knitted up for my youngest granddaughter - white background with pink roses in different shades - I knitted them "in faith" believing for reconciliation.
They still sit in my home and the birthday is passed.
I have thought a lot about how much thought I put into my parents once I left home. I have to say that unless there was a reason to be concerned about them, they didn't come to mind all that often. I learned my lesson the hard way, losing my father.