Each situation is different but my son became estranged from us when we interfered with his now-wife's need to rush to get married. We tried to tell them to date awhile, let their relationship grow and then when they decided to marry, she became very vocal telling us how much money "she" decided we should give them, etc. Throughout all of this, it becomes apparent she suffers from NPD, hates her own birth mother, doesn't want my son to have any relationship with me == hence, the estrangement.

Our EC suffer from the "entitlement" syndrome. And we are partly to fault, raising them to believe they were the very best, giving them things we didn't have as children, attending all their school and sports functions, and centering our world around them. Of course they felt "entitlement".

But aside from that, I think Satan grabbed onto our love and involvement with our children and twisted it into hateful actions by our children. He pulled them away from the church and their love of God. My son married a woman who doesn't believe, as she said "I don't believe in your faith, I have my own faith (which she couldn't explain who or what she believed in). My son posted on his FB page that he was giving his wife 10 years to become a Christian. How naive is that? When Satan puts these kinds of people into the lives of our children, estrangement happens.

I don't believe the hurt and tears every stop. It gets better each day and for me, "detaching" has helped.

Is there a post on detaching? I'm not sure what that means. I would like to read on this before my next counseling session on Tuesday, please.

I did the same with my children - giving them everything I did not have in a family/home. Why in the world would this become a negative in someone's life?? Where is gratefulness, compassion, mercy?

I don't want to be depressed - yet - here I am, tired, sleeping too much, my thoughts race right back to my kids as soon as my eyes open, no appetite, headaches. Please Father, help me through this storm...

Yes, check the topics. There is one called "detachment". It helped me a lot. I can detach without forgetting, like a temporary way to think.

I do believe that society played a big part in our kids life also. I remember when we had to stop keeping score for softball games because they didn't want anyone to feel bad if their team lost; everyone wins and is happy. Heck, life, real life, isn't like that. These kids were programmed to feel entitlement.

Blinded, I am so sorry you are going through this. I understand your pain only too well. I lost a daughter and five precious grandchildren through the manipulation of my son in law, who also appears to be narcissistic. Detachment, although I didn't know it by that name, is the only thing that saved my sanity and allowed me to keep caring for the rest of my family.

Prayers and hugs...I'm sorry you had to find us, but glad you are here.

Hey Blinded, let me share with you what was preached in church today:
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves,
lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of
the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God - having a
form of Godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them... 2 Timothy 3:1-5 NIV

Everywhere around us, people are struggling, hurting, in pain, families turning against one another
you not alone in what you are experiencing, just know that you have a saviour JESUS CHRIST who loves
you like none other, turn to Him, you will find comfort and solace for your shattered heart..Have you noticed
that its in times like these, when we are crushed, hurting, broken, desperate, that we have nowhere else to go but on our knees, and that is when we realize we need God, we cant do this on our own! sometimes God allows circumstances in our lives so that we will turn to Him, God Bless you sweetie, your going to be ok...remember we are all in the same shoes! Hugs and prayers, Katrina

May our trials and heartaches draw us closer to Him. He is there.

The Christian contemporary song by Mercy Me ( can found on youtube) speaks to how He is there for us.

Great is His faithfulness. God bless us all.

God loves us. It seems like He doesn't, but He does. Our choice is to have faith in Him when everything around us is falling apart. God does miracles, but He isn't going to take away our EC freedom of choice. They chose to walk away from God and us and make bad choices. God still loves them and we're called to love them too. A good example in the Bible is where David's son is coming after David to kill him. David's only concern is for his son telling his helpers not to kill his son to protect him. His son is killed anyway and David grieves for him saying he wished he had died instead of his son. That's all we're called to do right now. We'll love and pray for our EC. Put them in God's hands and try and concentrate on something else.

Putting our EC in God's hands is easy; concentrating on something else isn't always so easy. That's where the human heart finds it harder to let go and let God. Each day is a new chance.

Detachment with love and prayer works best for me, with God's help to continue to do it.

We show grace and forgiveness in our hearts towards our EC but still be wise as serpents.

Great posts to an equally great question in the thread. Lindajoan: excellent referral to Matthew 10:16 (and I paraphrase) that God sends us out as sheep amongst wolves and cautions us to be wise as serpents while conducting ourselves with the gentleness of doves. My mistake: not being a dove in heat of the lies and false accusations launched by the ex. I told the truth. The ex lied....and lied under oath. I lost everything including my children who were nearly 15 and 17 at the time. Today, they are nearly 22 and 23. I completely understand the question, "When did my family change??!!" They changed when lies were whispered in their ears about us. What frustrated the liar perpetrating the lies was this: it took so LONG to get those lies to take hold AND it required bribes and threats.

Ness in Texas

Dear Blinded,

You are in such pain now you can't imagine making it through to the other side of acceptance and detachment. But it does happen eventually, in time.

It saddens me to read all the posts about parents talking about acceptance and detachment like it's an easy hop on a bus to another destination. Sadly it isn't easy. It takes months and years of grueling, pain and soul searching. Slowly by the tiniest of degrees, things do change. Once you really and truly realize that you can't do anything to change the situation and them, you accept what your child has deliberately done to you. You don't like it but you deeply in your soul accept it.

For me it was the gut-wrenching realization that my D deliberately chose to exclude me from my grandchildren. Somehow I could "accept" that she not see me but my grandchildren? No, that was too evil, too judgmental, too cruel and ABSOLUTELY, unmistakably deliberate.

And once you gain that acceptance, you let go and let God, and then your reach the very beginning part of the journey of detachment.

You do reach a point where the pain is numbed that your child has deliberately hurt you. It just takes plenty of time. When this all started with me I never would have believed it but it is true. The only comfort I have in all of this is that God must have a reason for all of this,. Take care.

imresilient - everything you say is so true. It has been almost 6 years for me and about 6 months ago I realized it was time to move on with my life. And the "Detachment" topic helped a lot because it made me realize I can detach without giving up.

The one thing you say ".....God must have a reason for all of this." I think God doesn't have a reason for this but is crying right along with us at how our children, His beloved children, are treating their parents. He gave us all free will; that includes our children. Our EC have the free will to treat us terribly. That's why we need to stay close to God who will give us strength to get through it.

And I continue to pray each night and try not to give up hope. God can indeed turn things around but the timing has to be right for not only us but for our EC so that a reunion will be a blessing.

Oh, my...I hope I never implied that detachment was as easy as hopping on a bus. Just the reverse...so terribly difficult and painful!

I think, for me at least, that detachment and acceptance are two very different things. I also believe that both happen for all of us in different ways, at different times, and to differing degrees. I had to begin the detachment process within the first few months, for the sake of the rest of my family. But I don't believe I've ever reached "acceptance", other than acceptance that God is in control of the situation, and there is very little I do have control over.

One thing I have learned recently, though...since I have been in contact with my ED (which was not true for the first 2 years)...is that if I am constantly walking on eggshells and second-guessing everything I am saying or doing with her, I am giving her control. I want God to have that control, so with prayer for guidance, I am carefully trying to move forward with my life and hope for reconciliation...not giving up...but not waiting for it, either. I believe God can use what Satan intended for evil to His purpose and plan, and will refine our faith and lives through it. I can control my responses each step along the way, but the outcome of all of this is definitely not up to me..

My prayers and love to you all...

Thank you all for your replies - I'm staying close to God, in His word, in Christian music, and I pray every single night asking God to watch over my kids, help them to remember their mother in loving ways and protect those precious grandbaby twins I've only held once in my arms.
I'm still crying though not every day as earlier, I cannot watch anything on tv because it depicts happy families and we all know all too well that is not always the case.
Counseling is going well, he's a Christian counselor that knows God is my strength. I've taken down all of the adult pictures of my children - I can stand to see the younger verisons of my children,- I knew without a doubt of their love for me then...now, not so much... :(
I'm so sorry we had to meet under these conditions but I would be so lost without all of you, and I thank God for you and pray for the names on this forum every day. (((hugs))) to each parent who's hurting here

Norske – I agree with you that you can detach and still have hope. Detaching is disconnecting. Let’s say you are being electrocuted; you are in horrific pain. If the hazardous electrical connection is interrupted or disconnected, you are no longer in pain. Even though the painful connection is broken, you still can hope and still can love.

When I say God must have a reason for this, I wonder if at some time in the future my D is supposed to learn something from this.

MamaDon – hopping on a bus was my analogy of what I felt was a hopefully quick process of getting to acceptance and detachment.

I personally feel that acceptance is EXACTLY when we let go and let God. And once I had completely given it to God with no reservations, just complete faith, then and only then did I miraculously find that I was slowly detaching. I remember the feeling of recognizing what had happened and for me it was blessed relief after so much pain and the knowledge and confidence that it was in God’s hands. For me though, this combined process took years.

Blinded – I also cannot watch TV with happy families. I have a hard time when I am out shopping and watching families with children my grandbabies age. It is so painful. It was quite healing to me to remove photos so I don’t see reminders of my D and my GC.

I know many parents get by still thinking their EC love them but another important step for me was to realize that no, my D does not love me. Maybe in the past but I just can’t believe that anyone especially your own child, who can throw away years of love and devotion and who deliberately prevents me from seeing my GC loves me. If that is the case, then I will live with it, knowing I did everything I could as a loving parent and now because of her actions to cause and perpetuate this estrangement, then it is her loss.

Take care.