i understand and feel like that to i still have contact with my children but its become distant,and feelings being hurt,used,and even fear to even to try to talk to them.and yes we should feel blessed to be able to have contact with them but the hurt is still there and fear of being rejected totally someday.and i am scared.

Just the fact that our children grow up and changes occur is a loss. I felt that way when two of my sons (not estranged) got married and moved out of the house. It is hard to adjust when our children's' lives are moving forward. I do think it is good of your son to be in touch once a week with his busy schedule. It shows he cares. May God give you peace in this new part of life.

whymom, your son sounds like he is a smart, mature young man, as he is getting his graduate degree and moving towards complete independence, as we hope all of our kids do. Please consider that your son is a grown man now and may need some space and freedom, especially since he lived at home during college, when so many kids go away. You will help yourself so much if you will forgive and forget how he moved out. We are only punishing ourselves when we hang on to things in the past that are over and done with. I'm sure you miss him, and that is such a hard thing when they are gone from home. Hope you can re-discover or explore some new ventures/hobbies/activities that you like, so you can enjoy your day-to-day life in this new stage of life!

Whymom, I can understand how you are feeling. Your son is a grown man now, and for him to speak with you once a week is sufficient. Even when my children were not estranged I didn't speak to them once a week. They grow up and have their own lives, which is very healthy. Consider yourself blessed that he still speaks with you once a week, and has dinner with you. That is a healthy parent/son relationship. Pat yourself on the back for having raised a wonderful man.

Our son and his family have reconnected after 7 years but it is touchy. When they were here 3 weeks ago, as they left my ES hugged me and said that his dad said he had an appointment in the cities and maybe we could stop at their house for an early supper. I said that would be nice. But, not surprising, we didn't hear anything more from him nor an official invite.

He sent a text the next day asking how his dad's appointment went but no mention of not inviting us specifically. It is the way it is I guess with these semi-estranged kids. We are pretty sure it was his wife who put the kabosh on it happening.

Thank you for sharing about this Norske. It sounds as if your son would love to have you over. We will
pray that your DIL will come around soon. How was the visit? How is your DH? God bless your family.

God bless you in this new stage of life whymom. Changes are difficult.

Thanks lindajoan. I can't imagine life without prayer. When they were here my DIL seemed relaxed and glad to be here. We hugged. I told her I never want to be an interfering MIL and that I respected how busy their lives are, remembering how busy my DH and I were raising our children.

But then I'm also not sure her step mom (who she calls her mother) didn't help put the kabosh on us coming to their home. Might never know the real reason our ES dropped the ball.

Whymom, I think you should thank God that your son came to see you and be overjoyed. Neither of mine has made any effort. I think you should let him have his own life and not smother him, that will only serve to push him away. You will still see him which is a blessing. Treasure the time you do have with him. And never forget to thank God for that time.

Each of our situations is different but I think for me the main thing is to try to understand our ES as well as ourselves. At a certain age, sooner or later, a child grows into an adult and wants to be totally free from their parents to make their own way and decisions. They many times choose awkward or non-informed ways of doing this. Our ES leaving in the middle of the night with GC and then blocking all communication was so very painful. I don't know that I will ever totally get passed it. But after this weekend, I did learn a few things. Our third party who helped mediate the visit with our GC was a total blessing. He handled expertly each side and helped us to understand and rediscover one another. I realize that I have to be patient and things aren't going to necessarily be the way that I would like. I have to realize he is under tremendous pressure from his GF who is also the mother of his 2 youngest. She does yield power in his life, he needs to keep her relatively happy in order to have a relationship with those children. GF for some reason hates us although I have no idea why. So ES is under a lot of pressure and I need to realize that. Seeing or talking to your EC occasionally is a good sign and right step. I am very thankful for this past weekend. We saw all the kids, our ES was civil and talked calmly and with some compassion. Together we need to take baby steps to make this work. My feelings and desires at times are irrelevant. I have gone through so many different emotions along this journey. But the biggest thing I learned this weekend which may help others is that baby steps, taken with love and compassion is the best way to try to reunite. There are probably going to be many more ups and downs but I will take some kind conversation putting my feelings aside to have some relationship especially for the real victims of all of this which are our GC. Prayers and hugs. (I don't mean to come along as though I know it all, I am dso far from that, I am testing each step and inch in this process because I don't know anything. Just want to share my experience and give you all hope and support)

why only, thats good news. Let us pray for God to move their hearts toward a reconciliation. Like Lindajoan always says, only God can truly change their hearts.

While it is undersrandable that you would like to see your son as often aspossible he is trying to strike out on his own and maybe you could just take a bug deep breath and back up and let him. When my kids went iff to college - all 3 at once-- it was difficult fir me and I called every dsy or two. I now think I should have given them time to miss me and then maybe they would have called sometimes. The habit was formed tt I did all the contact and it stuck.he may have moved out after already having signed the lease so it would be a "done deal" in case you tried to talk him out if it.