CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

561 Members

3,756 Posts

0 Online

poodlegirl61 01/10/2016

Well...I had been doing so well. Most of you know my sad story....total estrangement from son #2, then in May an impromptu visit which went so well, then silence, then the hateful email in September saying he wanted no more contact, and to quit sending gifts to them (and the children)....so I didn't. I did send a Christmas card, but that was it. Well today my HUSBAND (not me) got an email from him saying he was "offering a one time only offer" that he and ONLY HE was allowed to come to see him and his children. Not me. He was very explicit on that. My husband showed me the email. My heart is broken. I knew we would hear from him again. But I am the "hated one". He said only my husband is allowed because he is the "only one who has shown consistency". What does that mean? So basically I sat and prayed, and prayed, and prayed, while my husband replied to the email. Before he sent it, he showed me what he typed in response. Basically what he said was, "Son, so good to hear from you. I would love to see you guys sometime. I miss you so much and I love you more than anything. Since you are a father yourself I am sure you know what I mean. Love dad." And that was that. Basically he volleyed the ball back into his court. I even told my husband to go. Go see the boys. But he refuses. He won't go without me. My heart is broken in two. I am so sad right now and I can't stop crying.

faith304 01/10/2016

Sometimes God opens a window, before he opens the door. A Father sometimes has better luck in communicating with a son.

faith304 01/10/2016

Noah sent forth a dove to test if the waters were still high. 2 times it returned, but the third time it came back with an olive branch as a sign the raging waters of the flood had passed and they could return to normal living conditions once more.

lindajoan 01/10/2016

Poodle, I am seeing this the way faith is. I believe that your son misses you both but feels led to start out this way for some reason. Your DH gave an excellent response. I believe God will use him to go through this open door and make a difference. We will pray. Good things will come out of this.

difficulttime2 01/11/2016

Our EC's are so immature and foolish. I see that as a tantrum of sorts. I think your husband's response was good and I also think it is good your husband is not seeing him without you. You and your husband are one ... and you can't allow your son to try to divide you.
Very disrespectful to do this to his own mother ... and if he is doing it to you, he is also doing it to his father because you and your husband are one....
It's sin ... and they are holding the kids hostage. It's wrong and sin is sin.
Just my 2 cents, but I'd be careful in letting them yank your chain this way and that ... Hang in there... HUGS

ruthsandraschilling 01/11/2016

That is so hurtful. What are these children thinking when they do such things. They have no forgiveness in their hearts for whatever they THINK we have done to them.

katesmom95 01/11/2016

My daughter did similar during her estrangement from us... She had sent my husband an email trying to get him on her side to hate me...she didn't like his response which was similar to your husband's response, Poodle and then she blocked him too after telling him how disappointed she was in him and that she couldn't trust him.

I agree with everyone else here, Your husband did the right thing. His first Godly responsibility is towards his wife, you... Do not let your child come between you and your spouse. It's a game of division and we know where that game is from... and it leads to destruction.

Hugs and prayers lifted. I know it hurts.

barbyzhere 01/11/2016

I agree with difficult and others who think this was a cruel stab at you. No normal, loving adult child or friend would invite one in a couple and not the other. First of all that's just plain rude. In this situation, it's far more than rude. It's malicious. It's game playing and bullying. I hope your husband makes his stand clear, that without you, he's not going either. It's so important parents take a unified stand.
I'm so sorry for the pain this causes you. Do something nice for yourself today. You deserve it. Hugs.

poodlegirl61 01/11/2016

I have been reading and re reading everyone's responses. First off, thank you each and every one. I do value everyone's opinions, and I mull each one over. And I pray without ceasing, of course, for wisdom and discernment. And honestly, as much as I would like to think maybe it is a genuine "window" that my son is reaching out, I do believe it is just a mean tantrum or stab at me. It just makes no sense. About a year or so ago my son had sent my husband a hateful email saying how much he loathed him and how dare he pretend he's "grandfather of the year"....those were his exact words. We still have that email. And now the tables have turned and he/they are hating on me. I have no doubt in my mind the DIL is behind this, but my son is not innocent. He has a brain and knows what he is doing. So they are in this together. Of that I am certain. They are not the enemy, however, I know who the enemy is. Satan has got them in his grips so firmly. Both of them. Please, please pray with me that the enemy will be bound away from them and that they will accept Christ. And I am terrified for those innocent children.

faith304 01/11/2016

sometimes we easily see the works of Satan and fail to remember God works in mysterious ways. Satan gets far too much credit many times.
If the email had been reversed, and it was you who had been invited to visit. would you still feel the hurt and rejection you feel now?

poodlegirl61 01/11/2016

Yes. This doesn't have anything to do with that. He-they have done this before. One minute it is me they like, then it is my husband. Back when I was on their "good list" I still was hurt, because I knew it was a game. I guess my situation is different from some because there are mental problems involving the DIL. I won't go into all of it now because everyone has heard it before. You can read some of my old posts. It is very long and complicated. Right now they are friendly with her father as well, but they have cut him off too in the past. It is like a merry go round, where they go around and pick someone up, and dump them off later, and then pick someone else up. I guess I didn't explain myself very well. I didn't mean they hurt my feelings by picking my husband over me. I wish it were that simple. I meant I am hurt they are still playing with us at all. And also, I did tell my husband to go. I was sincere. That if he felt it would help to please go. But he won't because you see this has happened before. I wish I could explain better.

ivykaren 01/11/2016

I send my warmest love and care to you. I am so sorry you are hurting and I will pray for you and your husband. I pray that you will find peace in something today. You are a beloved child of God. Don't forget your value. Be gentle with yourself. Lots of love!

lindajoan 01/11/2016

I was hoping this could have been reaching out on your ES's part but you know him best. I still like your DH's response and decision to stand together. When it is genuine you will both know. As my pastor says to us, look for true repentance and sincere motives from your EC. Our EC are living in the enemy's camp. We pray against the enemy. We pray for our EC to make the right decisions. We pray they will know the Lord.

Poodle, my ED has mental illness. My brother considers her a sociopath. I understand.

faith304 01/11/2016

I do understand probably better then you think. It is very hard to communicate this way because none of us know the whole picture of any of our situations. I have read your past posts and because there are many similarities in our stories, I posted a reply. I am selective in posting and only do so when I felt led.
I do hope all good things for you and not trying to be negative in anyway. Only you can choose what to do.
I was merely implying to "think outside of the box." What Satan intended as evil, God can turn it around.

poodlegirl61 01/11/2016

Oh no, Faith, I do not think you are being negative at all, and I do agree it is hard to communicate sometimes. Especially when our stories are so long and have so many twists and turns. People who have known my story from Day 1 know way more than someone just picking up the latest. But I would be typing a novel every time if I re explained everything! And I truly do value everyone's input. I don't just post things to get sympathy or for everyone to agree with me. And I know God can fix anything. I pray for them everyday, and for myself as well. I pray for any sin to be brought to my attention (my own sin I mean). I wasn't trying to be argumentative or anything. Please forgive me if I offended anyone. I was just sad, and so I was telling you guys about it.

faith304 01/11/2016

no offense taken.. we all have to realize we are all are fighting the same battle and Jesus is the ONLY answer. I choose to look for signs of God in the matter rather then to give credit to Satan.Bible says to ask and it shall be given, faith w/o works is dead. If we pray , I believe we should believe in faith God is instrumenting a plan of rescue. I have cried an ocean of tears and have prayed till sometimes I feel it is repetitious.
Reminds me of a joke... a man was drowning and began to pray for God to rescue him. First, a helicopter flew over lowering down a basket for him to climb in. He thanked him and said No, I am waiting for God to rescue me. The helicopter left as a boat came by. Throwing out a raft, again the man was asked to climb aboard only to decline saying God will rescue him. Waves drew the man under and drowned. In heaven he approached God saying he was disappointed in him. When I prayed and asked you to rescue me, you didn't and I drowned. God said, who do you think sent the helicopter and boat?

Join the Conversation