Surrender to God, your EK is in His hands. Fight back on the feelings of defeat. As my friends told me, "your were a good parent". A consoler told me that "parental love is a one way ticket".

Turn giving up into letting go and having God take over. Turn giving up into protecting yourself and moving forward. Do one small thing that brings joy today.

There is an amazing fact about believers. We know that God knew us when we were in the womb, that we are in the Book of Life. We know that God does know what is going to happen...yet we are STILL believers! That is what FAITH is and it is wonderful and marvelous. It comes from love and understanding.

God will reward us for this faith. We will be in Glory. We will look upon His face and forever be with Him. To an unbeliever, this is nonsense. To us, it is what we base our entire life on. It is a wonderful testimony to have these children bend us, wound us, knock us down yet never break us. It may seem that we have been broken, but that is the point when Christ lifts us back up and gives us strength.

Remember that at this point, it is a testimony to our faith and love of God that we do get up and pray and worship and show the rest of the world, the people who see us that we are different, we are Believers!

Gma6, I saw this in your words. You have a testimony. While non-believers rely only on their own strength, we rely on Him. Your words are proof of that. Im sorry for your pain, but grateful for your faith.

Amen! Estrangement, although we would not have chosen it along with many other struggles and trials in our lives was permitted by God. It is not what happens to us in life but how we react to it. God's Word tells us that ALL things work together for good to those who love God. We may not see it now but we will trust. This is our testimony.

I no longer pray for reconciliation. That is what I hope for but I have realized there is something far more important in my EDs life. And that is a lack of Faith. She turned her back on our Lord years ago, even though she was brought up in the church and was taught God's Love and path to salvation through Jesus Christ. The evil one has taken over her life and she is filled with so much hate that there is no room for Love. Until she finds her way back to God, she will continue to live in her misery, consequences of poor choices, playing the blame game, etc. etc. So my prayer has become that HE use a circumstance or send the right messenger with the right words that can lead her back to sanity and the Love that only God can provide. He is the only one that can heal the VOID in her heart. And while she lashes out at me, I know in her heart that she will never be happy or whole or able to heal the hate and learn to love again until something or someone shows her the way back to the Lord. Then and only then will other parts of her life fall into place and healing can begin. She is bound by the chains of addiction to alcohol and I know that contributes to her poor behavior and the lashing out. She blames me for everything because I was not able to make her life perfect after an ugly divorce. She has not been able to move forward because she has always been the "victim" , So I have given her up also. I cannot fix this. Only God can work the miracle that I pray for. I may or may not see it in my lifetime. I will never give up loving her and praying for her and wishing her health and happiness, because I'm her mom and I love her with every breath of my soul even though I know it is not returned. My door will always be open but I am not going to be her doormat any longer. But I have to focus on the Blessings in my Life and know that God will never forsake me, even in my darkest of moments. God loves my daughter and he is in control. But the pain is never ending - does it make us stronger? I wish I knew the answer to that. My prayers are with you and with all of us as we struggle with this heartache called estrangement. Hugs and Blessings!

Today, I am so depressed over my ED (her birthday is this week) and I thank you for sharing. I realize I have no control and also turn her over to God. All the praying, hoping, crying has only left me a lonely, empty person. I pray we all can find strength knowing God's love. Somedays, I think I may survive and other days I feel hopeless and then mad at myself for not being able to trust in God more. I KNOW he has a plan, but I struggle to find a reason for her estranging herself from her father and I.
I pray to move forward and find peace and happiness, but the sadness and hurt creep back and take over my days. My DH has been my strength, but it is not fair of me to stay in the dumps and ruin what life we have left together.
I am rambling, but I want you to know I feel your pain and wish I had answers. My prayers are for all of us and that no other parent has to feel the pain of estrangement from their children. I just don't know how to go on without her and I feel as if I am a failure as a mother and then feel I have failed again, because I can't let go and leave it in God's hands. My mind goes in circles and I feel I can't move forward.
Reading what everyone here writes helps me know I am not alone and I thank God I have found a place to share my pain and express my faith in God openly.
God loves you. God loves all of us!

Suzi, we all feel worse when we're missing special days. I recently missed my ED's 21st birthday. God actually had something nice happen that day which helped, but I still needed to grieve. Let yourself have the down times. We can't deny that we're not going to have them. It's SO hard, but after we allow ourselves to cry we have to give it over to God. It wasn't God's plan for our EC to become prodigal children, but He's given everyone a free will. Like TragicLoss, I pray my ED comes back to God 1st. They're not going to make good decisions until they realize they still need God. Try and find something like serving somewhere in your church that will help you focus on something else. Also, try and find a good friend to confide in so you're not always going to your husband. If you can't find anyone then take it to God only. You're not a failure as a mom. I know I've made bad decisions that led to this estrangement, but you can't tell you're making a mistake when you're doing it all the time. God has forgiven me. My ED is sinning by not trying to work out the differences between us. I've sent messages apologizing.

Gma6:
It tears at my heart to hear you ... your pain is literally palpable. I am coming to undertstand that my ED's views are not going to change ... thus the estrangment will continue. But it was not mychoice or your choice.
Ask yourself this: "Did I do all that I could do to mend this? Was I a good mother? And, then, turn it over to God. It is in his hands. Easy to say, I know.
Each day , try to remember that
1) you were a good mother and did your very best
2) You did not abandon her; it is the other way around
3) You cannot control it
4) live your life with as much grace as possible.

IOW, harm has been done you but do not seek to do harm back. (does anyone have a fitting bible verse for this?).
Finally, because someone NO longer wants to see you may not mean they do not love you; but, even if it does, this does not mean that you are unloveaable.

You are a loveable person. And you loved and still do love. Small balm for the ache and pain. I know.

hugs
Jadenot

feeling,,,
From God's heart to your words,,,,, Thank-you! I needed to be reassured and your timing saved the day for me. God's blessings to all of us that are unfortunate to be here, but lucky to have found each other.

Some really good feedback here but I think tragicloss and feeling helpless hit the nail on the head in saying that longlasting true turn-around has to come from knowing Christ first. Yes, there are reconciliations to and by non-Christians everyday, but when we Christians see one of our children turning to Christ and then see a change in their behavior overall and in all things, it is then that we can feel confident that it is genuine and longlasting. It is then that we can trust in the reconciliation they seek from us.

jadenot, you ask for a Bible verse about not seeking harm back when others have harmed us?.....Romans 12:17-21

"Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

The Golden Rule also is a good shorter version that says...."Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" --- in other words, treat people in the same manner that you would like to be treated.

Guels, thank you so much for that verse! Just the one I needed today. Suzi, I could easily have written your post. I completely understand your feelings, and yours, gma6. I hope you both have found some peace these last few days. There is so much wisdom here...I don't know anything to add, but send you both hugs ((()))

It's a roller coaster ride for sure....and I decided not to ride anymore.

My ED has reached out to me over the last two months and I am happy for her efforts, but I have applied the "medium chill" method in my interactions with her.

Just because SHE has decided to treat me with some curtisy and consideration does not mean we will ever have a real two way relationship. And she is so far away, there is really no anticipated visits.

So I thank the Lord for the small steps and I am thrilled, but she and my GC are not part of my life....and I am working to fill the void! MY HEART is healing and my expectations from her are nil...so any effort on her part is a nice surprise.

What has helped me on this website is the reading of so many anguished accounts of estrangement; the spiritual emphasis that inspies and reminds one of the Lord's abiding love; and coping stratagies.

What I do know is I don't want to live the rest of my life, today and tomorrow, reliving the hurt and rejection, or playing mind games about "what if"!

ALL of my suffering or angst has ABSOLUTELY no impact on my ED or SIL. AND THINKING WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN OR WHAT SHOULD BE is the same mind game as "what if".

I have deep empahy for everyone who is suffering.

We are all at different places...mostly slipping and sliding when THEY decide to do something.

So hang in there and don't be over taken by the grief of it all. You are loved.