Mother's Day is a terrible day to deal with what we're dealing with. My only advice is to plan ahead. Plan something you'll really enjoy, with someone you love, whether it's family or friend. Do your best to get your mind off it. It's just another day. Keep telling yourself that. Mother's Day is not from the Bible. Someone who had kids who loved her thought it was a good idea. Bully for her. :) God thinks you're spectacular!

Gordos - I agree with barbyzhere - Mother's Day is a manufactured holiday, not a biblical one. So much like Christmas in that there are so many expectations, which, more often than not, leave us disappointed. Not all is at it seems - what I mean is that what looks like a happy, well-adjusted family out celebrating Mother's Day, most likely has their own issues and some may be only hanging on by a thread. Let's face it, we live in a sin-sick world. In a perfect world, all children would be perfect and all parents would be perfect, but that is not reality. Our only saving grace is in Christ. It is by Him alone that we are reconciled to God and then to one another. My daughters are not saved, both have embraced the ways of the world, so how can I ever think we can be reconciled with our estranged EC unless they be reconciled to God first. Without God in their lives, things would not stay reconciled for very long.

As daughters of the King, we are now walking in The Light but our unsaved adult children are walking in darkness, which is why we can't work things out properly and healthily with them. If our EC's won't humble themselves to God and confess their sins, it's a losing battle all the way around.

My very last communication with my youngest daughter said it all - she wrote to me exactly this, "Take your christ-filled lives and leave us alone.". I wrote it just as she did with a lower case "c" in Christ. That is what she thinks of Him and thinks of my relationship with Him.

My daughters have lived twice as long under their own roofs than they did under mine and their father's. A parent can only blame themselves for so long and then how our adult children behave is on them. They are at an age of accountability and it's not to us anymore.

You may not "feel" like a Mom, but you are - feelings are just that, feelings. They do not dictate reality. You did the best you could and God knows that. We are all imperfect mothers who raised imperfect children, yet God loves us anyway. Turn your sons over to The Lord daily. We are here for each other and we will get through this one day at a time.



Hugs!
MG

Thank you both. Words of wisdom MG, I tell myself all the time what it says on here: that in the end of days, men will become narcissistic, lover of selves, disrespectful & disobedient to their parents. I know Mother's Day was manufactured by man, but is it still a day I looked forward to, until 2 years ago. I try every day to hand my sons over to God, but the reminders are always there, in my mind. I am having a hard time letting them go. I haven't even forgiven myself, so how can my sons or anyone else forgive me? In my mind, I envision my youngest struggling like I do, only he isn't near as strong as I used to be. Im am thankful he isn't around to see me right now. I pray to God to have mercy on all of us, we all need healing right now.

barbz, lol at the "bully for her". Yes, we never know what goes on behind closed doors. I know a FEW women whose children call them all the time, & don't disrespect them the way mine do. I am pretty close friends with them, and they would have told me about anything like that.

Gordos4, this is no reflection on you. I have felt the same way in the past, but after analyzing it, I realize this estrangement has very little to do with me. I am simply a vehicle of transference. As long as they can blame me for everything wrong in their lives, they don't need to look in the mirror. Once I fully understood this, I no longer felt like a failure.

We are all good mothers. Our EC are being rebellious to God and their parents by what they are doing. He is able to change their hearts but He will do it in His way. We keep praying in faith believing.

Thank you lindajoan & Agrandmother...I will get there. Its a work in progress.

Well said Moutaingirl56, I never looked at it that way. My ED is walking in darkness as well. Thank you for sharing.

God Bless all women on mothers day even those who do not have or have chosen not to have children, or who will be mothers one day. Some of us dont know why we are rejected but nothing is a coincidence because it is all in his plan.So, we must except his plan even the pain of it.It is 10 years now and when I look back at the 1st mothers day after estrangement I can see how far I have come. Only time will heal if estrangement is to carry on because the other party wont communicate. From crying and wanting to die after walking to the letter box and looking for an absent card to realising that it is useless to give my own flesh and blood the power to hurt me (as not even a stanger ever has). I was a vehicle to bring her in to this world, or I would not have been chosen to do that. After all the love I have given and remembering all the mother's days before the estrangment I cannot understand why she turned on me and never came back despite all my crying and begging. I know I have tried but enouth is enough. It is a cross to bear and I offer the sacrifice to God, I accept this pain God lays on me and I accept it all because I am not able to see the ultimate plan. Thee are many pains in the world we don't understand - blindness, cancer, torture, pain etc. and people often ask "why me?".This is just one of them. have stopped trying to hope for the impossible (like a blind person will never see but still can have a fulfilling life). I have accepted that this is my cancer and I will let it take its course just as so many are facing their fates right now. The closest to closure that estrangement can ever have is acceptance and time of course. God Bless all us Mothers.

Valerieia, That is so well said. God bless you.

Mother's Day was started in 1908 by Anna Jarvis to honor her own mother, according to Wikipedia. Later she became angered by the commercialization of it, and even became an activist against that. Her idea had been for people to write personal letters, by hand, expressing love and gratitude to their mothers.

(I myself don't mind the commercialization, as long as the sentiments extended by whatever means are sincere.)

Well, you know guys, I was lucky to get to be a mother at all. (Adoptive.) Nothing can take that away. Plus, not having children would have been worse for me than having an estranged one now. Once a mother, always a mother. So are you, Gordos. And a good one. If you weren't, you wouldn't be so unhappy about this.

Thank you Alana. Another reason it's so hard for me is because my own mother left us when I was 10. I just feel numb this year & last year too. I tried so hard to be a better mother than what I had. I realize my mom was SO very sick, I have forgiven her & I KNOW she is in heaven. I will tell you about the dream I had about her sometime if anyone is interested. I have very vivid dreams & can remember them most of the time.

I FEEL the same way you do today.....like I have lost my family... it hurts so much and I am still praying for my son to come to his senses and divorce the Wicked DIL who is pushing us to estrangement.....I don't know if it will ever happen.....but he never should have married her .....she is selfish, mean , cruel, manipulative to me and my son.......she has been manipulating since day one to break up our small family.....it was just me and him for many years.....please don'e misunderstand me I definitely wanted a DIL....I was just hoping for a kind sweet one.....one that would actually love my son and want to make a nice family with us....and not want to tear him away from me.....he should be honoring me today....and yet he is terrified to show me any kindness because it will upset his wife.......it is soooo sad....

I think it is so much harder with sons.....???