CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
Many of you who know my story remember that my husband and I were going to go see ES and his wife and new baby back in April, but she has mental problems and the day before she messaged me that we couldn't come. Then on Memorial Day weekend, our ES just suddenly and magically (and wonderfully) appeared at our doorstep, alone, for a little visit. He never mentioned one word of all that had happened before and stayed an hour. He was very kind and loving towards us, then he left and we have not heard a word since. His oldest son's birthday was August 1 and I sent gifts, and my ES birthday was August 30 and I sent a card and wrote a little message. Not one word. Until today, that is. He sent a very lengthy email to my husband and I saying he wanted no more contact or gifts, that they only cause pain. He said he never gave those presents to Jackson, because we "don't really care" and have made to attempt to try to come up there to see them! Which is a lie, because we DID try and she said we couldn't. And my son knows this, because we immediately forwarded the message to him, so he did know. And he said they are so happy in their marriage and we need to stop causing drama! What drama have I caused? Birthday gifts and a card? Oh and he says I never asked for photos and that is a lie as well because when he was here in May, I specifically asked for photos, and he had a few on his phone, and I said I wanted one to hang on my wall with the others, and he mumbled ok, that he would send me some. And we hugged and kissed and it seemed wonderful. And then nothing until now. So I emailed him back and I addressed each one of the things he had said, and how it was a lie and he knows it, and then I went further and this time sweet nice little placid Mom who has held her tongue the entire time really let it fly. I asked him if he has multiple personalities now or what, because does he not remember our visit in May and if he felt like this about us then why on earth did he even come and act all nicey nice? And I also reminded him that in January a year ago he ASKED US FOR $$$$ FOR A DIVORCE, and if his marriage was so rosy then why did he do that? And further more I told him how dare he accuse me of drama when THEY are the ones causing drama. And I ended it by saying fine, if he wants to cut me from his life that is his choice, but I am his mother and I will never in a million years forget him and God forbid his two boys grow up and treat him that way. And I told him I pray for ALL OF THEM each day. And then I told him I still wanted a photo of the youngest baby. And then I stopped typing. Now I am bawling my head off!
With great love
Betty
It is very bewildering that our adult child who was (or seemed) so happy in his/her relationship with us suddenly cuts us off. I've been reading that their actions usually have very little to do with us and everything to do with them, whether it's stress in their life, feeling like they don't "measure up" to what they think we expect of them, SIL or DIL's demands... there are so many things it can be.
For us, it's very hard right now because she wants no contact until she works through her issues to figure out "how to tell us some things." For me, I wish she'd just tell us so we can talk it through. I was raised with the importance of communication in relationships. I was a wreck for the first 5 weeks. I missed her so much. I missed her voice. I missed her texts. I missed her tags on FB. I finally started going to an Alpha class at church to get closer to God and Jesus. I had been slacking in my prayer life, and this has really helped me. I know (because of my stepdaughter) that this could go on for a long time. I have hope because our dd has said she will call when she is ready. As devastating and painful as this is, I know I will survive if she can't handle relationship with us anymore. It's just getting from here to there...