Unfortunately, the ONLY communication I get is to tell me what a piece of *#+* I am. I just sent an email to my ES telling him that although I will never stop loving him, I am stopping communicating with him. I feel sick to my stomach. Never did I anticipate the day I would ever tell my child that. The constant condemnation affects my health, my marriage, my life. I can't listen to it anymore. It makes me wish I were dead.
We wait for them to throw us scraps. When we do that, we give them control, and they know it. I'm done with it. I need to find another reason to enjoy life other than my children. Perhaps you need to do the same. Hugs to you.

I definitely had an advantage by living about a thousand miles away from my ED's and their families for 17 years, but I was still initiated communication 90% of the time. Not having me so close all those years have made them very self sufficient and independent, which is a good thing. Since we moved back to live near them, their lack of communication had not changed really, which is OK too, I mean, I could not expect to suddenly change the dynamics between us that had been in place all those years. But, still, it would be nice to have them just pick up the phone or stop over, ANYTHING! every now and then. Like you said, " It's nice for them when they need something from us, but heaven forbid we should want just a few words from them", they only contacted me when they wanted a baby-sitter, and I didn't mind watching my g-kids when I could, but again, no contact just for the sake of "how are you?", "thinking of you.". I have to admit, I started to become resentful about it, not to mention, that the way the youngest STILL speaks so disrespectfully to me; always judging and criticizing me and making up absolutely lies about me, at the age of 37!!! I called her out on it, stood up to her and stood my ground, and out spite, they have sided with one another and have told us we can no longer see our grandchildren!

In some ways, I am so angry at them for acting this way towards us, but then again, I had to stand up to my daughter and put her in her place - she gave me no choice. My husband and I are just getting on with our lives and will not allow such shabby treatment ever again. They know where we stand and we all know that God cannot be pleased at all at how our EC dishonor their parents like they do. They really don't have to answer to me, but they must answer to God - so I'm just waiting upon Him and have placed them in His hands and pray A LOT!

I rarely post on here, but I want to say this: Stand in front of a mirror and take a good look at the wonderful woman staring back at you. This lady is beautiful, talented, loving and worthy of everything life has to offer. She was a GOOD mother. She is GOOD person. She has many adventures yet to come that will fill her heart with pride and happiness. If her child felt bad about themselves, what would she say to them? Now say these things to the lady in the mirror!

I heard this on the sitcom "Mom"...We go on because we don't know how the story ends.

Thank you LMBW. I know that my self esteem and my self confidence have suffered greatly because of this treatment by my son. You are so right in saying that I need to tell myself that. I have honestly thought I was a bad mother b/c he doesn't communicate with me. I have told my husband that sometimes I feel he gloats when he looks at me b/c of the way he treats me/us. We need to stand up to him somehow and make him realize we aren't his doormat like MountainGirl said also. I sometimes wish he would be put in his place. He is graduating from graduate school in 2 days and will then be searching for a job. Sometimes I wish he didn't find a job easily just to take him down a notch or two. NOt very motherly thoughts, huh? I pray for him daily and for awhile felt things were better but over the last 2-3 weeks that has diminished. Our children seem to be such ego-centered individuals. Perhaps I made him that way, at least toward us. He sometimes seems more generous with outsiders than his father and I. All we can do is pray and hope that God will somehow change them. I must admit, however, that when my heart breaks it is hard to have patience.

thats awesome lmbw, we need more of that.

Very special words! Remember what good (not perfect) mothers we are. We deserve honor from our children according to God's Holy Word. If our children do not respond or communicate with us it speaks to their character not ours.

God bless each fine woman here.

Dear whymom I can relate to what you are feeling my relationship with my adult ED has been going on since she was 15 yrs old. She and my husband( her step dad) never got along. It didn't help that my mom never liked my husband so she did things that undermined our authority. My daughters real dad dropped out of the picture when she was young. Things were so bad that by the time my daughter was 15 she moved in with mom and I never saw or spoke to her again until she was in her 20's. And I lost my relationship with my mom,unfortunately that was best for my family, it hurt my son very much though. I missed her 16th birthday, graduation, prom, her first date ect.. Once my daughter was living on her own with her fiance we began to rebuild it was difficult for me due to the fact that a year after she left our home she lied and accused my husband of a crime that would have changed his life and our families life forever .But with the help of God I was able to put that behind me and we slowly built a relationship until recently. I began to feel guilty because I never called her out about lying about my husband, so I decided to talk to her about it. Well she wanted no part of that, she instantly told me that she loved me but that she no longer wanted a relationship with me. So I left her alone for a month and then I sent her a text and told her that life was too short and that I wanted to put the past in the past and reconcile. I never received a response from her. and that's been 3 wks ago. She is married now and I now that eventually they will have children, and I am gonna miss my first grandchild. But what I hold on to is the fact that God doesn't want families to be apart and that I believe that in Gods time not mine we will have a relationship again. Giving it over to God is the only way to survive, that doesn't mean I don't miss her because I do, I just have to trust that God will take care of this relationship. Gods grace is what has brought me through this and if you can find a way to just give all your pain, rejection and all that your feelings to Him in time you will learn to live a little easier. Praying for you and your ES

Chelleleigh, thank you for sharing. When you and your ED reconnect will you address the lie she told about your husband or choose to let it go? Our ED did a similar thing to my DH and I often wonder about what would be expected. I know I would address the lie but not quite sure what the response would be. Your thoughts?

Graduation Day for my son. Received his Master's degree. However, I feel so left out. He didn't communicate with us last night about when/where we would be. I know if I mention it to my husband he will say that our son just "expected" us to be there. Sometimes I think that is the problem. It is expected, but he doesn't do anything in my mind and heart to really make me feel included. He has "friends" who took off from work, one came in from out of town so he even went out to lunch with them. He wants me to meet him to take advantage of my discount to buy something but yet hasn't communicated with us about that either. I'm just tired of being take for granted. I want to be treated like a person and not a doormat. Maybe that's not what he wants to provide to me, but it is what I need from him. Is that so difficult??? I guess in their minds it is. Got to go, but I am just over being last on his list.

I sure hope he communicates in time so you can attend. I hope one day he will show appreciation to you and your DH. It often comes with maturity.