CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

561 Members
3,756 Posts
0 Online
Children's Health & Parenting
/ CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Support Group

Have I rejoined this realm?

whymom
whymom

Hi everyone.    I have not been here for awhile.    I moved over to the empty nest group.     My son moved out of our home now a liittle over 2 years ago.     We began seeing him more, had a regular night to go out to dinner, he came to our church, and spent time wtih us on Sunday afternoon.    He also came back to work in my office.    An improvement.    However, over the last 2-3 weeks he just began avoiding me, wouldn't even speak, would leave the room when I walked in.     So tonight I called him to see if I had done something to make him angry.    After complimenting us for being good parents, doing so much for him, etc. bottom line is he said he felt obligated to go out to dinner with us, felt obligated to spend time with us on Sunday, didn't enjoy our church.    He said other people wanted to spend time with him and he felt restricted by having to spend time with us and dreaded our reaction if he didn't.    So, I feel very rejected.    He made some comments about he wanted our relationship to be more "free flowing" and he could clal to see if we could go out to dinner, etc.    Said we could call him if we hadn't heard from himi in a couuple of weeks, etc.    I don't know if I can ever feel the same about him or not.    In the future I will always wonder if he really wants to spend time wtih us or is it an obligation?      Wow, I don't think I will sleep, don't think I want to see him tomorrow.    How can  he expect me to feel?     I'm an obligation..................................

whymom
whymom
We had changed plans whenever he asked. And we did not understand why he didn't just come out and ask for more flexibility. We thought because he never said anything that the plans worked for him and also that it was somewhat easier for him to know that particular times were already taken -- however, we would have been flexible if he had asked. It just caught us so blind-sided b/c he never did say anything. I know he needs his independence but he even made comments about not having time for us when he became a parent. So that also made us feel totally left out even as his life changed. Also the word "obligated" just bothered us as well. We are trying to forget the hurt and move forward but that will take time.
imissmyson
imissmyson
I'm sorry you are feeling like this. My son just left us days ago and blocked me out of his life completely. I will probably have a heart attack and die, because of the stress and overwhelming sadness and sorrow i feel every minute of every day. I gave him my life, he says he hates me...and now won't speak a word... really?
Jbcries
Jbcries
If you love something let it go. Your situation is so much different. Not really the same at all. At least he offers to see you. He is getting older and needs to be in control of his life. You can't expect him to accept a regimented lifestyle. He's a grown-up now and needs to feel like he is in control of his life just like we had to be in control of ours. Sorry to say, but I think you need to grow up a little. He wants to be in your life but on his terms. There is nothing wrong with that. I haven't seen or heard from my kids in 7 years. You're a lot luckier than you think.
givingupcontrol
givingupcontrol
Sounds like he is respectfully ask him that you give him some space and let him live his own life. He probably hasn't told you until now because he knew it would upset you and he was dreading your response. Hope you can find or re-kindle some of your own interests, hobbies, ways to serve others, and relationships, so you can be content with yourself and not dependent on him. He can't be responsible for your happiness, that is something only you can do.
mike2020
mike2020
That is a real blow. I'm sorry you are being treated this way. I haven't heard from either one of my two kids in almost a year. I'm doing my best to move on, facing the reality that it could be a long time if ever before I see them again. Quite frankly, I don't know how I would feel if they called. More than anything I miss the grandkids. I wonder what they have been told and if they miss me.