God bless those of you whose EC have a wedding this weekend. This is not God's way. He will not fail you.

As far as giving up on our EC the one I do not lose hope on is God. With Him, all things are possible. We must pray that our EC will listen to Him. I love the story of the prodigal son. In it I see a father who waited on God to change His son. I also see a prodigal who returned with a changes hear that only God could change. I also see that the prodigal had to get in the mud and face some real hard times to finally obey God and repent. This resulted in reconciliation. I pray that for our ED.

I am thinking of you who are dealing with the wedding weekend also. I remember our ES wedding as if it were yesterday. We were invited but at the reception set off to the side as if we were distant friends.

Please plan lots of fun things for your day tomorrow. It is hard not to be included, as I know when we were told we could not attend the groom's dinner and they told everyone what terrible parents our ES had --- but, God is good and He cried with us, held us up and continues to be with us today as we are challenged with DH's Stage 4 cancer.

Praying Norske.

Forgiving those who have abused us is important for our spiritual well being.

However, I know from personal experience that in forgiving my abusers, I am not required to be in their presence for the forgiveness to be accepted. God doesn't expect us to be in a constant state of abuse, and I know that He accepts the fact that I've forgiven my abusers....even though I don't need to be around them anymore. Forgiveness has freed me from the inside. It frees me from the bitterness that would fester if I didn't forgive. God understands that this surely doesn't require me to be the abusers' target anymore.

If true repentance and a changed life is obvious in the lives of our former abusers...then we can enter into relationship with them again. This takes a lot of wisdom from God...to know when it's safe to be around them again..if at all.

Just ask anyone out there who's forgiven someone who's murdered their loved one...the murderer gets put into a prison cell...out of reach to harm anyone else. Forgiven..yes, but prevented from harming others ..God knows that's extremely important.

I've forgiven my cruel unloving sisters, and yes my ES, but until they exhibit a changed life and much healthier ways of relating to me, I don't need to feel bad that our relationships are not restored.

If I can forgive someone for running me over with their car and I survive..yes..I can forgive them. Yet, I'm not expected to stand in the middle of the road, and be a target in their pathway, to be run over again....sometimes...moving away from them is what God wants me to do. It's a matter of survival.

In my case, I would not survive emotionally if I were to be around my cruel family...God understands.
I have forgiven them in earnest, and with complete peace in my heart about this..
I just won't be purposely seeking their presence in my life until, or unless God fully restores them to Himself...

This is a tricky balance...God only knows that my many attempts at reconciling with my abusers has not worked in the past...and nearly destroyed me completely. They will call me if and when there's been a change in their lives. The Lord has reassured me of this.

For those dealing with weddings and serious health concerns..my prayers are with you all.

May the Lord grand us wisdom to be able to navigate through these storms in our lives.

Forgiveness of our abusers is a must...reconciliation of the relationship(s) with these same abusers is God's choice...His decision if reconciliation happens of not. Only God can change the abusive people in my life....I know I can't change them...that's God's job through His Holy Spirit), not mine.

In the meantime I wait for God to change my ES' heart. It's not safe for me emotionally, physically, financially, or spiritually to be around my ES at this time, as much as I indeed grieve not seeing my little 3 yr. old grandson.
God will hold my ES accountable for his actions some day, sooner or later..so I can let God do that part of my ES' heart work.
Forgiving him in my heart..yes, that I CAN certainly do.

Sadmad, Thank you for posting this. I really needed to read what you stated so eloquently.

Kathysau, I can't say any more than has been said by others already. They are right on the mark with their wonderful advice.

You are really experiencing a rough patches right now. Life can sure get rough to live with at times and the situation with your daughters is heart breaking I am certain. Your girls are big girls so let them handle their own problems.

Give yourself a break from the "no responses". While it is difficult for you where you are right now, try to give thanks daily for what you do have. Look for tiny blessings in the day, a good husband that needs you and loves you dearly, a flower, sunshine, and all things great and small. Do something nice just for YOU. Take care of you and stay focused on your husband for now, nothing else.

You can get through this! Life will get brighter!! Read the book of John. There you will find hope during our troubles because of the awesomeness of our God and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Wishing you continued strength through God's Blessings and your friends. We are here to listen whenever you need us. You will get through this time. Hang tight.

comeau....I do believe you have misread Kathy's topic because I don't see anywhere that she has ever said that she was sexually, physically or emotionally abused by her husband who she has been married to for over 43 years according to her profile.

Secondly, the reference to 1 Timothy 3:1-6 is about the office of bishops in the church.

comeau....I do believe you have misread Kathy's topic because I don't see anywhere that she has ever said that she was sexually, physically or emotionally abused by her husband who she has been married to for over 43 years according to her profile.

What her post was about is about the same as we all are going through, silence and being ignored by our EC's. That is not really abuse, that is ignorance, disrespectful and inappropriate. If we must kept away from people who do that from time to time then we should join a monestary because people do it all the time in various degrees.

Secondly, the reference to 1 Timothy 3:1-6 is about the office of bishops in the church.

Dover-

1 Thessalonians 5:22
Abstain from every form of evil

James 4:17
So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

Timothy 5:20
As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear.

Matthew 18:15-17
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector

2 Timothy 3:1-8
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.

1 Corinthians 5:9-12
I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge.

Titus 3:10-11
As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.

2 Thessalonians 3:14
If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed

2 John 1:7-11
For many deceivers have gone out into the world, those who do not confess the coming of Jesus Christ in the flesh. Such a one is the deceiver and the antichrist. Watch yourselves, so that you may not lose what we have worked for, but may win a full reward. Everyone who goes on ahead and does not abide in the teaching of Christ, does not have God. Whoever abides in the teaching has both the Father and the Son. If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your house or give him any greeting, for whoever greets him takes part in his wicked works.

Forgiveness doesn't equal tolerance.

After years of pain, torment and suicide attempts I found Christ and forgave my abusers completely. Along with my forgiveness of my abusers, I also had to forgive my parents. They were unaware of the sexual abuse, but knew of the badgering and bullying daily and believed ignoring the behavior and praying for them was their Christian duty that defined forgiveness. It is not. This allows it to grow and continue. In no way is this acceptable or part of Christ's teachings and that is the basis of my message. Christ took my pain and turned it into my purpose, and for that, I am eternally grateful. It is important for all to understand forgiveness doesn't mean you tolerate abuse, you must remove yourself and your children from abusive environments and forgive from afar. And we must be clear on this with our children. Suicide is the 3rd leading killer of our youth. Bullies and abuse in any form brings low self esteem and self hatred. Teach your children and your brothers and sisters in Christ they are fearfully and wonderfully made!

Here's the truth - how many Christians truly follow the scriptures above when it comes to dealing with people who sin and continue to hurt us and others? Do you go to him/her, then with one or two others, then to the church? And when all three fail; walk away?... Or do we avoid the confrontation to avoid embarrassment?

Christ forgave all sinners...... WHEN they repented! If they don't, they pay a consequence of eternal fire in hell. To repent means to apologize AND to stop sinning. Stipulations. Do you notice that sin is found in behavior towards God and other people? He didn't say to only accept him and do whatever you want.

Here's the facts - we all must stay in constant prayer and in the Word. Everyday we must begin with giving Christ at least an hour of Bible study. We are facing a serious crisis of troubled times and I believe we are in our last days. Carry yourself to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Show love, kindness and generosity and if they don't want to accept it, shake the dust off your feet and go on. There are poor and starving all around this world, reach out to widows and children. Stand up for what's right. In East Africa millions are being murdered for Christianity, in America our youngest babies are legally killed through abortion. They need our focus and energy instead of standing in a pool of dust. Waisted time is foolish. What can we all be doing for Christ?

May Christ's love be with each of you.

GuelsMom-
Yes I understand that Kathy wasn't being abused, but I also wanted to explain to all readers that forgiveness is within. This is a very serious issue with some people and I stand up for it not for myself, but to possibly save another from what many experience.
I apologize if it disturbed Kathy's post, my intentions are genuine.

kathySau- I hope you accept my apologies.
And know your pain can too become your purpose just like mine has become. I feel your hurt in your words. Nothing seems to be worse than betrayal from our own family, when all we ever want is to just be loved.
And I know nothing can make up for that loss, but have found if you share your message and use it to help others going through the same pain, it somehow makes the load a little lighter. And in doing so, you find amazing brothers and sisters who love you just as their own family and it becomes a gift.

Christ has you here for a big reason, and each experience can work for him even if it began badly. Your story has the potential to reach and bring others to Him. We never know what the future brings, they each could have a change of heart and everything could end up in your favor. All we can do is pray for you and with you and hope you embrace life for the beautiful gifts it can bring ever day.

Peace and love be with you.

May God bless and comfort you