My husband and I are going to bake cookies and give tins to each with a card. We will likely hand deliver, but will just leave at the door if nobody answers. I'm going out on a bit of limb doing this, but feel my children have taken enough from me. I'm not going to let them steal the joy of Christmas as well. We both enjoy the baking process and it doesn't cost much. The hand delivering part is still being decided. We might end up mailing them.

unfortunately I do not know where my daughter is now living so I cannot send her anything… But I will have a gift wrapped with the date Christmas 2014 written on it. One day she will open it, though I may or may not be here to see it. I'm trying to enter a state of acceptance. I believe and pray God will restore all that has been lost, but must be willing to accept that I may not see that until the time I go to heaven. God's timing, not mine. Honestly, it's a struggle.

I can relate, katesmom. I don't expect my gifts to be received. I expect they will be thrown in the trash. However, I will still have the pleasure of baking, decorating, and delivering. The rest is on them.

When we were first estranged, I bought gifts for my ES and his wife and left them under the tree. I told them I had presents for them at the house. They never came, so after January 1, I returned the gifts to the store. I felt if they didn't care enough to come to our home to receive their gifts, they didn't deserve them.

Now this year, my son is back in my life, since is father got sick and passed away. I have already been told he/they will be with her family both Christmas Eve and Day, so we'll see. I will have a gift here at he house.

CanadianMoth, Norske1, and the for everyone here, I do pray that hearts will be merciful this Christmas and your gifts will be received and acknowledged.

Our ED lives nearby us. I am praying about what to do this Christmas. I would have to mail the card or small gift as going on the property of the bf would not be welcomed I imagine.

Still praying about what is best.

Since our ES makes it perfectly clear time after time, I think we will send each of the kids a nice card and a gift card. Last year we really went all out but just can't afford it this year. Our love will definitely be expressed in the cards. Our ES is so concerned about his dog and the surgery this Friday that I am having a plaque made up for the entire family either a memorial or a simple gift. "Your pawprints are for ever on our hearts" will be the message either way. So that will be a family gift and I can't see him doing anything but accepting it. No gift just for him as he doesn't want it and all he can do right now is be cruel.

whyonlychild - I love your idea of the memorial plaque for their dog. It is such a thoughtful gift.

I've been brainstorming since I posted this. I am thinking of gift cards to their local Christian book store. It is a store that I took them to many many times. They enjoy/enjoyed shopping there so I think they will like it without it being too "preachy" of me by my buying something specific there for them.

I'm also thinking of buying a gift in their names through Gospel for Asia or World Vision. You can buy a chicken, goat, bicycle etc. etc. for somebody in need overseas. Before they came to us all of our ECs grew up in a foreign country in poverty and I think that they might like this idea. In spite of the way they act now, they don't like to see people in physical need. If I do this I will choose things that the EC like, like a lamb from one, a bicycle from the other, tools from the third. I was researching and finding that I can make it a bit more personal that way.

I like the baking idea too, CanadianMother, except that I don't enjoy baking, lol, and it would annoy me to do it for them! So nice for a family when somebody in it likes to bake for Christmas!

Out of my 4 boys, only 2 will be receiving gifts from me. Of course, I couldn't send my ES a gift because I have no idea where he is. My 2nd oldest has treated me with such disrespect & disregard, he wont appreciate anything I give him anyway. I am praying for a Christmas miracle. I would really like to enjoy the holidays like I used to. My other 2 boys will get money, because that is what they need.

I am so moved by the situations expressed here! It's not an issue for my husband and me...our son made it perfectly clear they don't want any more cards or gifts. From that, I assume they want their 3 children to forget about us. God will keep them from doing that. I hold onto that belief. No cards or gifts are being sent from us to them for the first time ever. It's a tough Christmas all around.

I am so moved, also, by the way our EC are. God bless us all with His grace and peace.

barbyzhere - it will get easier. I remember the first year of our estrangement from our son and DIL. We bought gifts and put them under our tree and left them there until we took the tree down. They never came to pick them up as we had invited them.

From then on we didn't give them any gifts, cards or money. Nothing! And it became the norm for 7 years. Now that ES and DIL and back (sort of), I think I will have a gift for them this year but they need to spend Christmas Eve OR Christmas Day with us. I won't let them come on the 26th because they want to spend the other 2 days with her family, with only 1 hour distance to travel for them.

I agree, Norske.

I will not get anything, this will be our 1st Christmas without our ES and new DIL. But he has made it very clear not to send anything at any time. I agree with gordos4, praying for a miracle. But all in God's timing is always for his Glory not mine.

I mailed my GS's gifts to his Daddy's house. He will get them and leave them there so ED doesn't burn them or break them i front of him. What an appalling ordeal. Needless to say, ED will get nothing from me, no card, nada, that what she chose so she can deal with it. Doesn't bother me a darn bit either, I prefer to give to the deserving and gracious and there are many children with so little, how about making their day a little brighter!