Thank you barbell, That has always confused me. If God's ways are not our ways, if his thoughts are not our thoughts, then how can He relate to our human conditions. I have felt for awhile now that God doesn't have time for my petty little problems & that he doesn't concern himself with little ol' me. I know He loves me, I can feel it in my heart. I just wonder if God has a scale by which he measures human suffering, & those who weigh the scale down to one side get most, if not all of His attention. I know that's probably wrong. I cant help but feel the end of times are near.

True Gordos. God's ways and thoughts can not even be compared to how we are or think. He is sovereign and He knows the beginning from the end. He is God.

He absolutely cares the same about each of His children. That is why if there were only one of us He still
would have died for us. With that being said there is free will. Our EC are disregarding God and what He wants for them. He is their only hope. He is our only hope. We never give up praying.

No lindajoan, you never stop praying for them. I will admit ,there are days when I just don't feel like praying for my EC. I get discouraged, but I know that God forgives me & still listens to me the next time I pray. I keep praying for a sign that things will get better. I have NEVER had a year like 2014 & hope never to have one again. It has been a horrible last year & a half, and has traumatized me & my family. It hurts even more than when my mom left me at 10 years old. I sometimes pray for God to end the world soon, it is getting more painful to live than it would be to die & be at peace.

The best thing we can do for our EC and ourselves is to put them in God's hands. Pray for them and trust God to work. In the meantime we must move forward without them in our lives for now and ask for God's grace to live one day at a time moving. One day at a time and one step at a time. He will show is how to live again after our loss and until our EC return to God and us. We are in this together and it is not easy. Trust God, rest in Him, and pray. I have found that I can not do it on my own but we can through Him.

This is Canadianmother, back again with a new name.

Today, I do feel my own heart is dying. I reached out once again to try to see my son and grandchildren and was pushed aside again. My daughter is pregnant with her first child, and I fear I won't see this one at all.

The pain is so deep! How do we get through this?

Oh Agrandmother's heart, I'm so sorry you're suffering like this. I can feel your pain and I understand. The only way we get through this is to cry out to God for help. One of the ways He helps us is by giving us these friends who pray for us and give us a safe place to express our hurts and hopes. I pray God wraps His loving arms around you right now and holds you tight, giving you comfort and peace. Hugs to you.

Thank you, barbyzhere. I've kept it inside for several months now, but now it's coming out like a torrent of waves, down my cheeks. I know God will comfort me, I have felt his comfort over the past few years. Today I just need to let myself feel, I think.

Agrandmother, I just responded to your other response not realizing it was you. It is good to have you with us. I am sorry for your recent pain. Sending you and hug and a prayer.

At certain times, for example, when rejection has come again, it brings up all past hurts. We all have attempted to reach out,with love,and there has been no response or an evil answer. My friend,Connie,is not an estranged mom but has gone through many storms including presently with cancer has seen all I have tried in the past 3 years since our ED left. She knows our ED. At times, I made it my priority in life to fix it. Not that if the Lord is strongly telling you to reach out but that is more rare. Connie kept repeating the words,"Let Go and Let God". "Make prayer your project" This is harder than doing something but in doing this we are giving God the authority to work in His way. We are trusting Him.

The place of peace is in His presence. I love just getting alone with Him and crying out to the only One who can help us through the storm. He is in the boat. This place is a blessing. Sending up prayer for all of you dear ladies today.

Thank you, lindajoan. Yes, I have been at peace for several months now, but it seems the pain and sorrow have returned. I reached out hoping that with the passing of time, hearts would have been softened.

I will allow myself to be sad for the day today. It has been a very long time since I've let the tears flow, and I know my sorrow will be replaced with joy. Denying our pain is not healthy either.. it leads to anxiety, and physical ailments.

I do pray for my children and grandchildren all the time, without ceasing. In my head, I have analyzed and understand what is happening, but my heart is breaking again today.

I'm thankful for this place where I can pour out my heart to others who understand the depth of the pain.

We cry together and for one another. I think much of my sadness is over loss. We have lost our EC and grandchildren ( we pray temporarily) but they have lost so much, as well. They really have. The enemy has robbed them of God's best. God is creative and often works behind the scenes in His way and in His timing.

I have missed you. You are a blessing. You all are! May each one here have His Shalom today and this week.

I think when someone has totally shattered your heart, and especially when that someone is your own child, it is natural and normal to put up walls. I used to feel terrible guilt about this, but I've just realized that I'm coping with something no mother should ever have to cope with, and I believe we can only take so much. I have stopped beating myself up for being a less open person, a person less able to take risks in relationships. All of us know how much we can tolerate, and I am in a position where one more loss like the losses I have had recently, will make me suicidal. So, I protect myself the best I can. WE are all having to deal with something so unnatural and painful, it makes sense that we would put up walls. The heart can only take so much.

Of course we feel hate. It's normal and should be expressed to our sisters who understand and won't judge us. We all strive to feel and be love as God is, but we are human and God knows what's in our heart no matter how much we try to act like a "good Christian." I want to be real, just as King David was. He expressed every feeling he had to God...the good, the bad and the ugly...even murderous ones. God still said that David was a man after God's heart. Our journey at this time is a very painful one. We are all experiencing many kinds of feelings and it's ok. I know that I'll never be able to let go of my only daughter for as long as I live. They're abusing us and inflicting horrible pain on us even if they don't say it verbally. Not that we should read vile messages from them, but not wanting contact with us is as bad as it gets. There is nothing more cruel than ignoring another person as if they don't exist, especially their mom who gave them so much and still loves them like no other.

Gordos4, yes, our hearts are dying. Building walls means that love can't leave or enter. A life without love is dead. Only God can save us from this checkmate our children have put us in. I'm waiting. It seems that most of us have closed people off too. How sad is that? We're isolating which is where the enemy wants us but we can't seem to help it. We need to protect ourselves from more hurt, as our hearts can't take it. I pray that God will release us, somehow, from this emotional prison.

Amen to that tooheartbroken. My husband & I are having major problems now. Things I have ignored & let slip by for 24 years. I just cant take it anymore. I SO tired, I just want to go be with God & the angels.

we know the story of the Prodigal son but I wonder if the father stopped trying to communicate if he got only silence. Sometimes it is hard to know what to do when you have tried reaching out but the EC don't respond to talking about it or simply don't respond at all , which is painful and another trauma to add. It appears to me that focusing your energy on your life and how to make it better is the way to go. Focusing on those who do care about you , and using your talents and gifts to help others is what God wants me to do. However I think that after going through something like this, walls are a protective mechanism that we use so we don't get hurt again. This life can be painful, may God who us the way he wants us to go for his glory.