mines is august 15th, I will probably just send a card , nothing else.

Occasions are difficult. Our ES's birthday was in June. I do not know her address but I sent a text. We need the peace of God. We have left her in God's hands. My DH believes it is best.

How are you sovery?

We all understand how this hurts soverysadmom. We've missed our ES's birthday since he turned 29, and this year he will be 32. I tried to be a part of his big 30th celebration, however was never invited and told it "was no big deal"??? Yet I found out months later that he had a huge party..and my unkind sisters were there to celebrate?? You can imagine the feelings of betrayal by my family..it does hurt so very much.

Last time I checked, I was the one who gave birth to my ES, and raised him to adulthood....not any of my sisters, nor his wife's mother, so why they choose to be so mean, I will never understand???

I tried to connect with my ES, only to be told to "stop texting, stop calling, stop emailing..we don't want to hear from you." Harsh words to get from a beloved adult child.

We understand how you feel. Try to put your efforts into other people's lives for now..those who care about you. It's not healthy to keep thinking about how we have been shoved aside by our estranged children. Pray for your ES and on his birthday, just thank the Lord for the time you did have with him.
Those days cannot be taken away from you. I comfort myself with those thoughts myself.

That's what I will do on my ES's birthday in August. God made me his mother and as much as he tries to deny this, he simply cannot....it's a fact of life, and he can't take away the fact that he wouldn't be in the world without this body God gave me. God understands our heartache....hang in there.

((((hugs)))
Maddie

Correction: I apologize, I said ES instead of ED.

We sent gifts/cards to our ES and DIL. The gift card we gave DIL, well, she hung onto it until her step mom's birthday and then gave it to her pretending it was from ES/DIL. When I found out, I let step mom know it was the card I had given to DIL and I had paid for it.

This year I didn't send cards to either of them. Ignored their birthdays.

Now that ES is having "some" contact because of his dad's cancer and surgery, my DH wants to send a b'day present to their daughter at the end of the month. I am hesitant but if he wants to do that, I will mail something from both of us. Our ES called this week and lied to us about how they spent the 4th of July weekend (they were with her dad and step mom at a lake resort). I didn't say anything about what I knew. I'm tired of the games. I told him that he knows where we live and I know their schedules are busy, so if he has any time to come, we would love to see him but we understand if he is too busy. Leave it in his hands to deal with the guilt if he doesn't come.

Norske, I am glad he called out of concern for your DH.

Sovery - all these occasions really stink now. Our birthdays, their birthdays, all holidays......I feel like I dread them all now. It seems like it would be good to have some sort of "plan" for all those days, like a way to have a good day in spite of it. Our ED bday last week resulted in me deactivating facebook, blocking ES email, and a 3 hour long phone convo with my parents. I don't need that kind of drama on every occasion, that is for sure! Wrecked me for days. I'll pray that you are inspired with a way to spend that day that is uplifting to you!

This reminds me of my mother's philosophy about birthdays. My mom was wonderful, funny, religious and forthright about her expectations. She expected that each of her children would visit her on their birthday and if that wasn't possible to phone or send a card to her. Why you ask? Because we, her children, had little to do with our birth. She birthed us. Therefor, she wanted her yearly thanks. Until she passed, we all did exactly as she expected.
As kids, we did have cake and presents on our birthdays but we never forgot to say thanks to Mom. We laugh about it now.

That is great sallyann!

We are cut off from email, message and phone number is blocked. We usually take each of our GC some where special for their birthday, The oldest GD (birthday 7/28) used a friend's email to send a message. She wanted to know if we were going to take her to her special birthday place this year. I told her that we would try to contact our ES and see if there would be a way for us to do it. I went to his house, he refused to answer the door although I could hear people inside. I then sent him a letter which he returned unopened. The thing is that I can't find a thing that we did to him except his GF and her selfishness. His Birthday is end of Aug. How do we get through all these times? I simply can't even think about the major holidays like Christmas. We have obligations that keep us from going away and prevent us from volunteering although I would like to do that.

Special occasions are very difficult. Please remember it is not our choosing. We can not make our EC change. Only God can. We keep praying for them. We keep asking God to help us one day at a time.

Yeah, Christmas. My younger daughter and i discovered we have each been worrying about that separately. Christmas is a big deal at our house.

We already got through ED's birthday this year - the hard way - because we didnt realize she was fixing to cut us off, and she yelled at both me and younger daughter for trying to arrange her birthday as usual. We got through Mother's Day, barely, by going out to dinner with younger daughter. We got through Father's Day quite nicely, because we were camping at the lake, and younger daughter brought up a couple of friends for a fun day.

But Christmas - it's worrying me and younger daughter already. As a family, weve always celebrated birthdays, mothers and fathers days, Christmas and thanksgiving. Not necessarily on the exact day thereof, because ED is married, and both girls have busy schedules. Since everyone lives nearby, it's not too much, or hasn't been so far, anyway.

Of course, this is easier since we have the other daughter, and barring that, it's easier because I have my husband. But I told myself at the start of this that I had to be strong enough to still have a happy life even if I didn't have those two.

But God knows how we're going to handle Christmas. Short of my daughter coming to her senses, and I don't think she can.

Alana2 - I understand about the holidays and birthdays. I also have a DH and an older son who loves to spend time with us. I try very hard to never let on to either of them how much I miss not having ES with us. YOu need to do that also. I always pray for strength and guidance as I enjoy special days with the ones who do love me.

I will try, Norske.

I decided after my oldest ED got married in May and I was never included in any of the planning and I sent a very nice gift that did not get recognized, and they seemed to have just decided that I died-I stopped sending any cards, texts or any type of communication-their silence over the last 2 years has been deafening!!! My youngest had her 23rd birthday on June 21st and according to Facebook (she only leaves comments that she wants me to see) she didn't miss NOT getting a birthday card from me, so I have stopped sending anything-they will have to contact me if and when they want to reconcile!