Thanks Norske......the account of the Prodigal Son has so many lessons for us Estranged Parents that it always good to see post about it.

Yes, the parable of the prodigal is very important to us all. I think the hard thing for me is to know that I may never see my daughter again before I die. My tather-in-law did not get to see his prodigal (my brother-in-law) ask Jesus to be his savior and witness the radical turn around in his life. They will meet again in heaven, but knowing that 18 years may be all I had with no good-bye of any kind to look back on is hard. I hate to bring this up Norske, but I don't think our children miss us as their spouses/lovers push them to estrange from other family members. My ED has literally cut off everyone not just in her immediate family of parents and 6 other siblings, but all aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. We are no doubt replaced by the enablers who support and believe their lies about us.

I do think of the prodigal son often and still pray for God to turn this all around. After getting several more very painful facebook and emails from my es, his gf and my other son who I did have a relationship with, I have come to realize that as sad as it is, they do not miss me at all. GF said her and my son will have their own family now, without us. I realize that last September may have been the last time I will ever see my es. And he has already signed to go into the military when he graduates from college. So that has made it even more painful, knowing he may be deployed or sent far away and I wont see him before me goes or he may get killed in war and I will not have seen him. Sons and stepdaughter have now gathered up together to believe the lies and they have flat out told me, unless you divorce dad, you will not ever see us. My older son even said we don't want to really be around either of you. And to think I was taking him groceries to help him out. Their Dad has told them they are wrong and he says he will not keep on apologizing for parenting. He said he has had enough. I've got to try to go on but it is sure hard.

I gleaned rich nuggets reading this today. It is full of insights. The important thing for me in this account is that it brings out he truth that God does not "overlook" our sins and just say "Oh well, let's just forget it ever happened and call it my unconditional love." Even God has conditions to his love, repentance is the top condition. He may still love us as his children just as the prodigal's father did, but the son's relationship with his father was dependent on repentance. Our lives should reflect that also. Otherwise, we give non-Christians the wrong view of who God is, what the purpose of the cross was and what salvation is.

I have been blessed indeed. God bless you richly for presenting this truth with such clarity.

I think this Daily Inspirations post this morning really spoke to me. It is clear that we are to NOT enable our children.

Referring to above: Although it had been painful to see his son leave, the prodigal's father allowed him to be responsible for his own actions … all the while, praying for him and waiting to receive him with open arms when he returned.

This is important: But in the meantime, the father DID NOT send care packages to the pigpen. (A reminder to all of us to stop sending our own care packages, holiday gifts, birthday cards, etc.)

And this is important: When the son RECOGNIZED his sin and CONFESSED it, his father WELCOMED him home and showered him with mercy and love. [emphasis added]

I do believe in the old saying "what goes around comes around". When our grandchildren notice that they have no grandparents but their friends do, it will be hard for our EC to explain why we aren't in their lives. Will our gc go on to estrange from their parents as they see their parents estranged from us? I guess only God knows the answer.

Sometimes I think maybe God is trying to tell me that he created me for more than only being a mother. He gave me my children to raise and then, like a bird, I needed to let go and ask God what else he wants me to do. I don't think parenting is the only thing God made us for.

Thank you Norske. The prodigal father has become my Godly example. He did it God 's way.

Norske1: Thank you. It took me a long time to realize my sending cards, etc to my Eds was in fact enabling them and I stopped.I continue to pray for them everyday and will always love them.

Having said all that I have a dilemma - I have 3 granddaughters who are graduating from high school this year all from the same school and one granddaughter graduating from 8th grade. I have no problem going to the graduation exercises (I know the 8th grader and one of the seniors will extend an invitation), but there is always a party after at one of my daughter's houses to which I will also be invited. This is not something I am comfortable with because when I attended the 8th grader's b'day/Thanksgiving party my 3 estranged daughters would not sit at the table with me. They chose to eat in the family room by themselves. My son-in-law's family was there also and my son-in-law, his brother & brother-in-law sat with me. His sister & sister-in-law were helping the smaller children at the table next to us. My daughters continued to ignore me. Am I expected to place myself in a position to be emotionally abused? My thought is I will take my granddaughters at a later date to lunch rather than be exposed to this. Anyone's thoughts please.

mcj3321- I think that is a wonderful plan - go to the graduation ceremonies but take them out at a later date for lunch.

If they ask why you aren't coming to the parties, I would tell them that you would love to come but there will be so many people there that you would prefer to take them out to lunch, that they are so special to you and it would be more fun for hyou to enjoy time with them in a quieter setting so you can hear all about their future plans, colleges, jobs, whatever they want to talk about.

What a wonderful idea. I would go to the ceremonies and skip
the party. Enjoy your gc in a more peaceful setting. God willing, your EDs will get the message you are sending, too. You deserve to be honored.

mcj.....I'm going the other route....You say that the only three that ignored you at the family event were your ED's. If you had a good time in spite of their behavior, why take the chance of creating drama by not attending another family gathering? It is THEM that is acting childish, so let them do so again if they wish. Ignore them and have a great time. Others there will see that they are being rude and maybe someone will say something to them. I think it would hurt your grandchildren if you did not attend.....And you could also take them out to dinner too.

Enabling someone’s poor behavior is extremely easy to do. Enabling is often done unconsciously and with the best of intentions. Seldom, however, do these intentions have positive endings.


Enabling someone’s poor behavior is extremely easy to do. Enabling is often done unconsciously and with the best of intentions. Seldom, however, do these intentions have positive endings.

Examples of enabling include:
• Purchasing alcohol for your loved one who has a drinking problem.
• Taking over all the chores and family duties to avoid the complaints from family members.
• Responding to aggressive behavior by doing what the bully wants.
• Silently taking emotional abuses such as put downs, sarcastic comments, yelling, name calling etc.
• Packing the diaper bag because your partner doesn’t know what to pack.
• Being responsible for the family’s schedules and constantly reminding your partner of where they need to be and when.
• Agreeing to allow your partner to continue in an affair until s/he decides whom they want to be with.

The truth is there are countless ways that we enable dysfunctional behaviors without ever realizing it. We often enable things because it’s just plain easier. In terms of parenting, we enable our children when we do countless things for them so we don’t have to deal with the fight if we say no (this keeps them irresponsible and dependent and enables their outbursts to continue if they have them). In regards to business, we enable dependency every time we don’t delegate the things we should because we know we can do a better job (this enables the employees to sit back and let you do the work rather than having them learn to do it better.). With loved ones, we enable irresponsibility every time we become over-responsible in an effort to make up for the other person’s lack of responsibility.

Every time we do something to cover up for, or minimize the effects of, someone else’s mistakes, mistreatment, addiction or actions, we are enabling that behavior to continue. Regardless of why we choose to enable, the reality is that enabling dysfunctional behaviors is toxic to relationships and to the self. The more we enable, the more the bad behaviors will continue. Trying to manage people and circumstances by not letting the consequences happen is a recipe for disaster in the long run.

Dare to step in and deal with dysfunctional behaviors head on. Set clear limits, follow through and do not rescue others. You will never fix a behavior by hiding it, ignoring it or constantly cleaning up the fall out from it. Trust your strength. Find the courage to address issues directly.

GOD LOVES YOU ALL!!!! IF HE BROUGHT YOU TO IT HE WILL BRING YOU THROUGH IT .


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------- God Bless U, ------
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One of my favorite truths.

GuelsMom: this is true only my daughters treated me badly, however this happens every time I attend a family gathering. It is me who goes home in tears because of the hurt. I do not believe God expects me to place myself in a position of receiving emotional abuse. I have time to pray and consider this from all aspects. Not sure what I will do.

I wrestled with this before deciding to attend the last family gathering and it was my son-in-law who said he understands and will support whatever decision I make.

How many times does one go back to be emotionally abused?

The Bible does not say what happened after the son left his father. Their was no mail service, email, or telephone back then. Life was a tad different than it is now.

I firmly believe that if we wait for an apology we will never have any relationship with our children again. I firmly believe forgiveness is key, and allowing God to work in the live of our grown children. One of the main reasons they usually leave is because they are feeling judged.

I have felt God's love and forgiveness to me. Although I have been hurt deeply, I will always forgive, always welcome them back, then let God work out the rest.

This does not mean I allow the disrespect to continue, but it does mean I treat them as adults. As they rejoin my life they will see my strength and they will understand that I weathered my storms of life by leaning on God's strength. That is what will lead them to the cross. Anger, lack of forgiveness, and my own self-centredness will not do that.