CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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chocolatecat 09/20/2014

Last weekend my MIL told us that our ED told her that she had rededicated her life to the Lord. This is the best news we could ever get, this is what we wish and pray for all our EC. Upon being prompted by MIL, ED phoned us about a couple days ago to tell us. She said that she had done this about a month ago. We each told her we were so happy about that and so glad that she phoned to tell us. We didn't press her for details and she just seemed to be comfortable chit chatting after that. We spoke to her for about 30 minutes, small talk after she told us initially.

After the conversation I was just kind of in my thoughts. Something was missing from that convo. It struck me, she didn't offer any apology to either of us for how she's behaved for the past few years. (She's been estranged from us on and off for 9 years, the last time she was trying to serve the Lord was about 5 years ago.) I'm not holding the fact that she didn't apologize against her, but I did notice. It basically made me realize that probably many of our EC do not know how big of a deal their behavior has been to us parents every day of our lives for months and years. Day after day we go on grieving and grieving our EC and they may barely have any idea how much it is all hurting us. I always envision the Prodigal son running back to his father begging him to forgive him. That is probably how it should be. Time will tell if our ED is sincere but at least she is headed in the right direction again. This experience should remind me again to try not to let my life be so undone by our EC and my joy hinge on where they are at with us and the Lord. They are doing what they want right now and having a pretty good time by all accounts and later, if they come around, they'll be able to experience peace and the joy of the Lord again. I should have all that right now since I'm not the Prodigal. Going to work on that.

lindajoan 09/21/2014

It is wonderful that Chocolatecat's ED reached out to her. The Holy Spirit is working in her young life. As she continues to grow in Him I believe repentance will come in God's timing.

This place is so full of caring people. It is a blessing to be here with you, dear sisters.

Shalom on this The Lord's Day.

deleted_user 09/21/2014

Lindajoan, thank you for reminding me that I was remiss in my above post in offering my support and encouragement here also to Chocolatecat in regard to her EC reaching out to her!! It is a very hopeful and encouraging sign of the Holy Spirit at work in her heart! Heavenly Father I ask you to bless this situation between Chocolatecat and her EC with your healing hands!!

whyonlychild 09/21/2014

It must be very difficult without remorse or an apology. However, I would be walking on clouds if ES just called and we could talk. He is so angry especially at us and we really don't know why especially since we did so much for him and GC. I would just feel great that we were establishing contact. Take it one step at a time and go slowly. Don't question or demand something that she isn't ready to give. Eventually I think she will refer to the estrangement and tell you how bad it was for her and how much she missed you. Take baby steps and just be glad for what is happening for you. Prayers and hugs

AllKheirlyn5 09/21/2014

Rosearch your post defines exactly how I feel also...there must be remorse...they must understand what they have done and in some way acknowledge it. An apology can be from the heart or just words into thin air so that word is pretty irrelevent to me...but what they have done must be acknowledged by them somehow...not just swept under the rug and forgotten...cause then no one has learned anything.

As lostallthre stated in her post...if we dont fix intentionally what was broken on both sides then there is no healing...just sabotage

I am glad your ED called chocolatecat for sure...but I think your "noticing" that she was not addressing her part in the last five year is significant...baby steps for sure

AllK

rosearch 09/21/2014

I truly am grateful for the wonderful input from all of you. I am praying that the Holy Spirit does a miraculous work in the heart of your daughter, chocolatecat. From my own experience as a rebel and parent hating youth, when I met Jesus at 19, I could literally "feel" my hard, hateful heart begin to soften. The first sign I had of the work of the Holy Spirit was that the hatred I felt toward my dad just vanished. I remember telling him that too. He had been the one "hard liner" who would not compromise on the truth when he dealt with me and that's why I hated him. The hate was replaced with such a great love for him that he is the one I credit with truly going to battle with me and for my soul. He was always gentle, but never minced words about who I was and what I was doing. My mother was the soft touch who always ran after me and cried at my behavior. I could care less about her feeling and tears before I was saved. She, like many of us, endured years of my abusive lifestyle just so "have a relationship" with me. I only thought of myself then. I hope and pray your daughter has met the living Creator and transformer, Jesus. If she has, there should be signs to judge new "fruit" by. Look for them. Read up on how Jesus dealt with "fruitless" lives. Encourage her with the living Word of God whenever you get a chance. Speaking the Words of the Bible are more powerful than we often remember, they are ALIVE!! May God empower you and lead you in his Word to equip you to do battle for your daughter's soul. (sorry, long post again!)

rosearch 09/21/2014

P.S. I love and appreciate all the input of all of YOU! You are a blessing from God in my life. Just wanted to say that.

chocolatecat 09/21/2014

Hi all, I really appreciate all of your thoughts on this! I think we are in the place where there isn't much we can do about it. But it is good to have a discussion about it for when any or our/your other EC come around. I pretty much expected repentance/restoration to look one way - and I agree with Rosearch, I think it probably should look one way, repentant and sorrowful, asking forgiveness. If I could go back to the conversation I might have said how glad we were because we had been so sad how things were between us for so long. That might have opened the door for her to apologize. But I just wasn't sure about pushing her by saying something like that. Maybe in a future conversation. We'll give her some time to grow now and get fed and see what happens.
Thanks again for all of your encouragement. We still have 2 ES, maybe this will affect them?! It has been 9 years with our daughter - a very long road but this could be the turning point! We've waited a long long time. Hang in there all! God is good, we can trust Him even if our EC never come around. So grateful to know the Lord - where would we all be without Him?!

chocolatecat 09/21/2014

Rosearch, just got to read your second post about how you came to the Lord after rebelling. That was amazing. You were truly transformed. There was no doubt in your parents' minds I'm sure! I am probably more like your dad. I'm "black and white" about holiness and serving the Lord in general. Family tries to get me to be more full of grace. I appreciate you sharing this example. I'm going to be thinking about that for sure....
Thank you all for sharing here!

lindajoan 09/21/2014

Rosearch, I appreciated what you shared about what meant most to you regarding how your parents handled things. Quite an eye opener for us.

savedbyhim45 09/21/2014

I guess we all have to do our part and listen to the EC if and when they are ready. I still don't know if I could ever forget the hurt and pain, maybe God will erase it from my memory. I agree that true repentance comes when you realize what you have done is wrong and you ask for forgiveness , then try not to repeat the same thing again.

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