dear feelinghelpless: I really don't know what to say except to note that I am so sorry that she hasn't at least let you know that she was married. That was some detective work on your part. Now what do you do with the information. I don't see anything wrong in sending a card. Then she will know that you know where she is living. It may be enough to prod her into connecting with you. Then again maybe not. I'm praying for you and your ED. Blessings.

I am so, so sorry along with you my friend. My ED did the same thing back in 2012. I too had prayed and prayed that they would break up but instead found out as you did, by calling the county, that they had been married by the JP. This was after my ED's husband called our home to gloat and lie to us first. 7 months later a huge church wedding took place which we were of course not invited to. We would not have gone anyway but it is still so painful and would not have been the way our beloved daughter would have operated before she met her now husband and some very evil people. You legally have no right to know anything about your daughter's health if you are anywhere in the states. I would advise you not the pay the bill, not for spite, but to protect yourself legally. It takes time to accept this new circumstance. I know that my ED has been brain washed into believing that since is now a wife to this man, she no longer is my daughter and has no obligations toward me. They both profess to be Christians, but the bible is only another tool in this man's arsenal to manipulate and twist. As far as they are concerned, they have sinned against God alone and any pain anyone feels is their own problem and has nothing to do with the actions of my ED and her man. She is apparently only accountable to her husband now and no one else including the God of the Bible. Put ALL you hope in HIM. He is the only one who can help us now and create the events that will bring our children back to us as he did the prodigal.

So sorry for your added pain. Thankfully you were told by a friend and then able to find out further details. I wouldn't be surprised if this one day soon happens to us. ES left to be with his GF so who knows? Our EC don't care how much they hurt us and some times I think they do things to make our hurt greater. My prayers are with you. Hugs

Feelinghelpless, I am so sorry. This is one of my worst nightmares. I will probably be in your shoes shortly. I think that part of the worst thing about this whole estrangement is that you try so hard to go on with life as best you can and then, wham, you are blindsided by bad news. It is so unnerving. I don't know about you but I feel like we're constantly on the edge of impending doom. How amazing it would be to get good news for a change. I can only imagine. So sorry that your day was hijacked by your ED bad choices, again. Praying for you to have the wisdom to know what to do next. Blessings.

I so much relate to you. I am sorry this took place I feel your pain. We all do. A mother should be honored at her child's wedding according to the Bible. I have a similar prayer that our ED and her bf will break up. It is her 3rd bf in the past 2 1/2 years. We do not know how God plans to answer this prayer. Let's remember that God is able to do all things even after a marriage. He is still in control.

I pray God will give you His peace at this difficult time.

I'm so sorry. We are right there with you and none of it makes any sense--how can our children be so hurtful towards us?! I know Satan is just having a field day with our children--he knows his time is short and he's doing his best to destroy everyone he can, but our God is bigger than he that is in the world. Be strong and keep your trust in the Lord. Hugs and prayers.

I feel your pain. We were invited to our ES's wedding but at the reception our table of ES's family was set off to the side, unnoticed by anyone that we were even there. We left the reception early and a week later they came to our house and swore at us for "daring" to leave early. Really?????? Didn't see them for 7 years until my DH had major surgery. Now nothing. It is what it is.

I do hope your DH ordered a copy of the marriage certificate. I would also like to know who stood up for them if I were you. Sending a card - you can as long as you have no inspirations of her calling you. It will take time but keep praying for God to touch them with his love so that they will see the importance of family and come back to you.

Oh, and having worked in the legal field all my life, I would immediately take her off your health insurance. You could get into some real trouble if they found out she is married and using her maiden name. Just FYI.

Amen, katesMom!

My daughter and her husband are trying to conceive, going through fertility treatments, etc. I expect that I'll be the last to hear when they are expecting. It is going to hurt a lot, but at least I can prepare myself in advance.

I am so sorry and can understand what you're going to to some degree as my 18 year old pregnant daughter left home and we are hearing through the grapevine that they are married now. These kids don't hold anything sacred anymore. It's all fun and games and playing house and getting what they want when they want it. Please be sure to read the discussion on this forum entitled "detachment". It's very helpful. these "marriages" that are based on selfish desires will not last, and it will be so sad when they have to pick up the pieces of a failed marriage and single parenthood.

Thank you everyone who responded. My husband picked up a copy of the marriage license today. I didn't recognize 1 of the witnesses, but the other is a friend who has told me they aren't friends anymore. I always knew they were really friends and she just didn't want to tell me anything about ED
Rosearch, I'm glad you reminded me that hope is in God. I'm on another Christian group that isn't specific for anything and that was the Bible vs. today. I have to keep hoping though sometimes it feels all hope is gone. God can do anything though.
Givingupcontrol, I also wonder if this marriage will last. My thoughts are so conflicted now. I now have a SIL that I don't want and I feel God didn't want my ED to marry. I can't pray for a divorce, but also don't want to pray that this marriage be blessed. I'll just pray God's will be done.

I have to jump in here too. Found out mine got married last Dec, thru the grapevine. We didnt know and of course werent invited. I too, prayed so hard they would break up because I really feel as long as that family is in my son's life, he wont be in ours. My heart goes out to you because I know this heart ache well. (hugs)

This post reminded me again how much we all understand one another and care about each other.

God bless you, ladies.

Thanks lindajoan. (hug) to you too

It's so hard not to be included. A friend found some pictures on ED FB and sent them to me. One had the photographer's name, so I googled it and found all her pictures. Very expensive wedding and rings. I know they couldn't afford it, so his family probably paid for everything. His g.mother even walked my ED down the aisle. I cried so hard when I saw that. There were only about 25 people at the wedding. I didn't recognize many. Must be his family. I did see a friend who's dad was ED's old youth pastor. He wasn't there, but must've known about the wedding as his daughter still lives at home. He couldn't even bother to tell me that my ED got married.

No, the ones that do see things on FB and such wont tell us. They dont want involved.
(hugs) feelinghelpless