CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group
Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...
My husband and I are about one month into being estranged from our 26-yr-old Son. We are confused and hurt by his cutting off all communication with us. While we have always tried to not compare our two children, in looking back, I wonder if there is something to "the child we helped the most is the one cutting off all communication with us" (we have a 36 yr old Daughter and our 26 yr old Son).
Our Son was diagnosed with ADD when he was six or seven. A child with ADD requires a lot more than your normal parenting skills to get through the school years, dealing with ADD meds. & side-effects, emotional issues stemming from low self-esteem, a lot of counselling, a lot of school meetings, etc. Through it all, we made sure our Son felt loved, admired and accepted. We made sure he always either had friends coming over, or we were taking him to friends' houses for sleep-overs, etc. We supported him completely in all his varying hobbies -- guitar lessons, martial arts, skateboarding, snowboarding, etc.
Our Son lived away from home a couple times after he turned 18, but has lived at home more than he has lived away from home. Now that he is 26, we felt he was in a good place in his mind and circumstances to move out as he had his own car completely paid for, had a full-time job that he had been at for awhile, and had a social life with his friends. We gave him a 6-month move-out deadline. Just giving him a deadline was hard for us to do as we mostly enjoyed having him around. We occasionally watched movies together, had some great conversations over dinner together, etc. We felt, though, that in the end, our allowing him to live at home that late in his life was also depriving him of life lessons, of growing up, of having the satisfaction of knowing that he is able to make it on his own, of having his own family someday, etc.
Our Son ended up moving out at the last minute on the day the deadline was up, totally unprepared, which we tried to not let happen while at the same time wanting him to invest in preparing to move out. It feels like we are being punished now for pushing our son towards independence.
I am a Christian. I've been doing a lot of praying. God is helping my husband and I, but it does still hurt. My Son is treating us as if he hates us. He will not talk to us and we are doing our best to respect this drastic change in our relationship with him. We just do not understand. I keep turning our Son over to Christ whenever I worry about him or wonder how he is doing. However, it still hurts a lot. I am so thankful, though, that I do have God to turn to in this very difficult time in our lives. God truly is close to the brokenhearted.
Our Son was diagnosed with ADD when he was six or seven. A child with ADD requires a lot more than your normal parenting skills to get through the school years, dealing with ADD meds. & side-effects, emotional issues stemming from low self-esteem, a lot of counselling, a lot of school meetings, etc. Through it all, we made sure our Son felt loved, admired and accepted. We made sure he always either had friends coming over, or we were taking him to friends' houses for sleep-overs, etc. We supported him completely in all his varying hobbies -- guitar lessons, martial arts, skateboarding, snowboarding, etc.
Our Son lived away from home a couple times after he turned 18, but has lived at home more than he has lived away from home. Now that he is 26, we felt he was in a good place in his mind and circumstances to move out as he had his own car completely paid for, had a full-time job that he had been at for awhile, and had a social life with his friends. We gave him a 6-month move-out deadline. Just giving him a deadline was hard for us to do as we mostly enjoyed having him around. We occasionally watched movies together, had some great conversations over dinner together, etc. We felt, though, that in the end, our allowing him to live at home that late in his life was also depriving him of life lessons, of growing up, of having the satisfaction of knowing that he is able to make it on his own, of having his own family someday, etc.
Our Son ended up moving out at the last minute on the day the deadline was up, totally unprepared, which we tried to not let happen while at the same time wanting him to invest in preparing to move out. It feels like we are being punished now for pushing our son towards independence.
I am a Christian. I've been doing a lot of praying. God is helping my husband and I, but it does still hurt. My Son is treating us as if he hates us. He will not talk to us and we are doing our best to respect this drastic change in our relationship with him. We just do not understand. I keep turning our Son over to Christ whenever I worry about him or wonder how he is doing. However, it still hurts a lot. I am so thankful, though, that I do have God to turn to in this very difficult time in our lives. God truly is close to the brokenhearted.
As a friend said to me once that when children are grown, they are now in God's daycare, and all we can do is pray. So, here are some prayers coming your way to you and your son...
I like that saying "they are now in God's daycare, and all we can do is pray." I really don't know what the future holds, but I pray God will turn this bad change in all of our lives into His good, our Son will return to Christ by some humongous miracle (he asked Jesus into his heart when he was a young boy), and will be more forgiving and less critical of those that love him.
And what is my payback for all the time and effort and life that daughter sucked out of my day in and day out? I would up with a rebellious, hateful, spiteful, lying daughter that broke my heart in the end.
MG
I related to your situation so much maggieisabel. We too did sooo much for this ES. I'm sure he just thinks that we did what every parent does though, and he probably even thinks we never did quite enough, that is how he thinks. I'll pray that your ES recognizes his rebellion very soon and turns back to the Lord and to you. Hang in there. Blessings.
I think your son will return. He's simply pouting right now. I will be praying for you.