You are not alone. I have days where I feel like that as well. I think guilt is something parents are hardwired with. And it is especially hard here at Christmastime. All of my friends are talking about their big plans, with all of their children, and I am happy for them, but jealous at the same time. Because my family won't be "complete". But it hasn't been "complete" since the day he met his now-wife. So you know how I have decided to cope? To celebrate the good things and just be happy for what I have. I plan on going to church on Christmas Eve and just think about Him. But I know what you mean, I will be glad when the holidays are over, too.

For some people Christmas is what will I receive and how much do I have to give surrounded by sicklingly sweet movies by Hallmark and non-Christian music.
I am not missing all this. I know that the Lord is watching over my ES and his family. I know that I love Christmas because of church and religious carols. I know that I will survive the commercialism of the season and I will celebrate the Lord's birth.
In other words, I refuse to dwell on what I won't be participating in and opt for concentrating on what I will be participating in. I am very content this Christmas. Blessings.

You are doing the right thing by not letting your son live with you. That would be enabling him. Sometimes we need to practice "tough love" and let these adult children get to the bottom before they start going up -- all with God's help. Keep praying for your children. Know that God loves them and will protect them.

Why don't you and your DH plan something different this year from your normal routine of Christmas? Maybe even a different food served, or go out to eat, or take a little road trip. That's what I would do.

I think as mothers, it is very difficult to not think of Christmas as truly being about our children. When they were young, when they were little, Christmas is all about your kids. I am so sorry that none of your children will be with you for Christmas. I also am really looking forward to Christmas being over. This year, it just feels like a day to be endured. I feel like when you are a mother, you have a mother's heart, and there is just no way to be truly happy unless your children are each well, and you have a good relationship with each of them. And it is awful when you feel jealous of your friends, or at least feel like your friends who will have all of their children together, which is the Christmas dream of every caring mother, cannot really understand what you are going through. I have been experiencing that sense of time, where it seems like Christmas will NEVER come, and then HAPPILY, for me, END. I have been able to enjoy all that my church does at Christmas up to recently, but I am not even sure I will go to church tomorrow, because it is so hard to compare what Christmas should be, to what it actually is. So, I feel like I know your pain. I have tried hard to still be Christmas-y to my not estranged son, who will be with me for Christmas, I have tried hard to be grateful for all that I have, but it's just wearing on me, this Christmas.

ejrinpain, I know what you mean about having a mothers heart. I have told my husband it's almost impossible for me to be happy knowing my 2 sons & I don't have a functional relationship. I don't really get jealous though, because I know much of my friends talk is just that, talk. I know they have issues I know nothing about, or have issues I DO know about, their happy go lucky attitude is just an act. I have 2 friends like that. I am going to mass right now & pray. I feel bad about asking this, but do any of you ever doubt your faith? I was doing SO well there for awhile, & now not so much.

It is just heart breaking that you won't have any of your children at Christmas. It always reminds us of when our children were little. That memory is always in our hearts and minds. This weekend we have our eldest GD with us and we took her shopping so we could purchase exactly what she wants. I also gave her a piece of my jewelry that I have had for a while which she really likes. As I get older I realize I want to give them some things so I can see their happy expressions and not when I'm gone. The second oldest is coming as is the third who is the only boy. We haven't really gotten our schedules together. My unfortunate eldest GD has to be he go between her father and us. I don' feel it's right to put her in the middle but then who said life was suppose to be fair. Yes, in the recessed parts of my mind, I do envy those with the ideal families and ideal Christmas. We had that last year and it's very hard for this to be the first without any word from ES. However, we will go to Christmas Eve service and rejoice the birth of our Savior and Lord. Recently, I was thinking about how everyone turned against Christ before He was hung on the cross. Compared to what He endured, we are fortunate. So I think we need to appreciate and be grateful for what blessings we do have. God be with each of us during this Holy time and let us focus on the true meaning of Christmas.

I don't think I ever doubted my faith, but I have gotten really angry at God. I have one friend in particular whose son was dating a crazy woman as well, and she just prayed that God would remove that woman from her son's life, and sure enough, about four months later they broke up. He is now happily married to a wonderful Christian girl whom they all adore. Well I have worn out my knees for six years praying and my son is not only still with her, but not about to have a second child with her. And in between times he has cried to us, asked for help for a divorce, you name it, only to go back. It is times like that I get angry at God. And then something will happen that I just KNOW he is listening, and he does hear me, and he catches every single one of my tears. I can't explain it, but I do believe and have faith. Sometimes I think about it like this....if everything were perfect here on earth, and God intervened every time we asked, why would we long for Heaven? Maybe that sounds stupid, I don't know, but that is how I get through these times. Hugs to you.

I relate to each one here. We are so thankful for Jesus and that He came and at the same time we are missing our EC. Amidst all the blessings and holiday time with my other adult children and gc, I still feel that empty space where our ED was. She has been gone 3 years now and the missing and sadness has not ceased. It is like the parable of the lost sheep.

I pray that God heals each of us and helps us to accept where we are in our estrangement journey at this time. We continue to pray our EC back to God and family. We have to keep our hope and faith in God. Remember, He did not cause this. He is sad the way our EC are so rebellious. This is not God's way for families.

I am especially thinking of you, Norske.

I came across an article the other day and would like to share it with you. The author talks about the pain of having lost a loved one (grandfather died) and dealing with that throughout the holidays. Although I am not in exactly the same situation, it ministered to my soul. Just as there are many different ways people grieve, there are also many different reasons for grieving... death being only one of those. Here is the link:

http://www.incourage.me/2014/12/holidays.html?utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_term=DaySpring%20Devotions&utm_campaign=20141210%20-%20Email%20-%20Share%20-%20Difficult%20Christmas&ref=EMAIL20141210

The title of the article is: "Why You Don’t Have to Hold it Together During the Holidays"
written by Holley Gerth.

Also, read down further, some of the comments made are very insightful and helpful.

Here are a few excerpts from the article:

I sit in the soft silence of a church service and draw a deep breath. “Get it together,” I tell myself, “It’s the holidays and you’re supposed to be happy.”
But the reality is . . . I’m hurting.
...
But in the quiet dark it seems I hear a whisper deep within my heart, “Go ahead and be broken . . . I’ll hold you together.”

It turns out that "holding it together" isn’t in my job description: “GOD holds all things together” {Colossians 1:17}.

We serve a Savior who knows Christmas is not just about rejoicing—it’s also about the cross. He understands what it is to be human, to have tears slip down our cheeks and hope seep out our souls. He grasps what it’s like to be frustrated with the injustices and troubles of this world. He knows.

It’s okay to have a hard day during the holidays.
It’s okay to cry . . . and laugh too.
...
Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. {Matthew 11:28}

Trying to be perfect is exhausting.
Ignoring our hurt only drives it deeper.
Pretending our pain isn’t real only makes it yell louder to get our attention.
Rest, friend, rest . . .
----------End of quote--------

I hope that you, too, find comfort in some of the thoughts expressed.

I so appreciate all the comments/posts made by the members of this group. They have been a big help to me. I don't post much but read most of the discussion threads and wanted to share the thoughts from that article with you.

Thank you, Always. This article is so true of who our Savior is for us. He is everything we need. He will carry us through the hard times and for many people(including those of us missing loved ones) that means the holidays. God bless and comfort you and each one here at this hard time of the year.

I too am sad this Christmas.I dont think it would be normal if we weren't somewhat sad. We have endured a huge loss.

Thank you for all the responses. I need to remember that God is holding me together, not me. I just hope my ES is at least ok, My husband doesn't understand the depression, he's never been depressed a day in his life. Him saying that he hates my ES keeps echoing in my head. He is Es's stepdad, so there is no way he will ever know how it feels. I am trying to forgive him, but he said it 4 times, so it must be the way he feels. Trying to hold together a marriage, missing my sons, & getting through the holidays feels like too much some days.

Yes, I have lost my faith at times. I question whether God can be good, if he has allowed this estrangement, and the pain that is from it, to happen to me. I am very blessed to have a church family who are very non-judgmental, and who will just be with me in my pain, even when they can't offer insight. I know they care and are sad for me. So, I let THEIR faith, buoy me when my faith is low or wobbly. I hope and pray you have someone, or a church, like that. I truly believe that God, and especially Jesus, understands when our pain and brokenness overwhelms us, and the pain we are feeling just doesn't allow us to believe. Hugs and prayers to you, gordos4.

ejrinpain, thank you. I have a church which Ive been a member of my whole life (48 years). I know alot of the parishoners, & don't feel comfortable discussing the subject with them. Most of them are older & raised their kids in a different era. I don't talk to too many people about it, because I don't want to burden anyone with my troubles. I was starting to have a good relationship with our priest, then he got transferred. It took me 4 years to gather the courage to talk to him about it. The new priest is really sweet, so I will try to talk to him soon. It seems like the pain is never ending. I try to remember that this is all happening for a reason, God's reason. It is all in his plan for me. I just wish I understood what it is.

Hi everyone. I'm a new member and I'm so happy to have found this group. Thank you to everyone for sharing your open, honest struggles at this very difficult time of year. Our adult daughter has told us she will tell us if and when she wants to see us this Christmas. Our 40th wedding anniversary is coming up December 28th and nothing has been planned for us to get together. The Lord has been so good, speaking to us gently and reminding us that He is not finished with our daughter, and that He loves us so much. We have made a decision to let her go and give her the opportunity to make the next move. We know we may be waiting a very long time. In the meantime, we will stay close to the Lord and let Him minister to our bruised and battered hearts. He is Good. Hang in there everyone. He loves you too!