I have had the same situation for almost a decade. I used to send gifts and cards with no response. Then it tapered down to just cards. Still no response. At this point, I have given over the control of the relationship to God. If she wants to contact me, she has all my info. She already knows I love her and that I'm pining for a continued relationship. She knows I am respectfully not barging in on her life. I recall the father of the prodigal son. I'm sure he prayed for his son, but I doubt he sent messages. He waited until God worked on the heart of the son to realize he needed what his father had, whether that was his goods or that he missed his sincere love, imo, the jury's still out on that one point. I think our biblical forefathers had it right. Just my two cents.

Since for lindajoan it has only been 18 months and you have had a little interaction, I guess I would text a note wishing her Happy Birthday and inviting her to lunch. I would not give gifts or money. See how she reacts to that invitation.

sparrow1974 - you and I have a longer estrangement time so I agree with you about our EC. I did the same as you did with cards and gifts, emails, text, phone messages and all were treated with no response at all. In my case I have a narcisstic DIL directing my ES how to act.

If you get no response to this birthday text, I would stop all contact until she connects with you lindajoan.

My ED's 30th is this Friday. I have struggled on what to do. I have opted for a text, no lunch invitation.

gma6 - I think your decision to send a text only is a good one. Maybe you have been estranged longer than lindajoan has. Since it has only been 18 months for her, an added invitation to lunch is what I would do in her case. Each situation is different.

And who knows, maybe you will hear back on Friday from your ED. God's timing is perfect.

If she hasn't forbidden it...I would probably do as Norske and gma6 suggested, with just a quick text. I had never thought about the situation with the prodigal son...but that is an interesting take on it. The father had to wait and pray.

I am also in a dilemma with sending a note to my daughter, who has forbidden it. Her husband is dying, and I want to let her know I am here if she needs me...my husband said to have one of my kids that has been in a little bit of contact with her ask my ED if she can give me her email addy so I can send it. That way Sarah (ED) knows its coming, and has given permission to receive it, and I am not crossing her boundaries.

MamaDon - I like your husband's idea. You are showing respect for her privacy, yet letting her know you are there for her now at a time which is sad for her and she may want your support. But one never knows with these EC. We think a bit more logical than they do.

My ED, still "uses" me to babysit, she doesn't speak or give eye contact when she does drop them off. The tension is unbelievable. Her dad who was in hospital with pneumonia and newly discovered heart problems, was not visited by her. Soon as he came home within a week she was texting for babysitting. She did this a year ago and here we are again. I do not want a temporary fix, I want her to fix her life with God and then maybe she will treat us with respect. I walked on eggshells for a long time. Now with hubby having heart issues, a silent heart attack and further testing to see if he needs surgery I am not willing to stress him out just to have another eggshell experience.

I would pick out a restaurant in the area, that you both like. I would send her a text and tell her you want to treat her to lunch at this restaurant.

Tell her the time, the date and that you look forward to seeing her! Then go and have a nice lunch! With or without her!

Do you think you could? Then there is no wonder if, what should I do....just go and have lunch at a place you like! and if it's just lunch so be it....

Just a thought. You have told her you love her, are thinking about her, and want to treat her to lunch at this place and this time. And then it is all up to her.

You can then just have a nice lunch and reflect on the wonderfulness of you when she does not show up for being so kind and generous!!

Excellent advice claudiajane. I love the idea of telling her the time, date and restaurant. I might also add if there is a conflict, please let me know and we can chose another time.

I would just send a quick text - thinking about you and hoping you have a Happy Birthday. I send ES and GD cards for birthdays/Christmas and send GD other cards throughout the year.

Thank you my friends. I so much appreciate your wisdom. I will send a text on Sunday to show the love of God. The rest is up to God.



God bless you all.

I think sending a text is good, however not necessarily inviting to lunch. My estrangement has been 2 1/2 yrs with my daughters. This year I decided no cards, gifts, etc. One daughter's B'Day was yesterday and I just sent a text wishing her Happy b'Day. Surprisingly she did respond with "Thanks." I will do the same with other 2 on their birthdays without expectations of a response. This is in God's hands and I needed to let go so He can do His work. They all know I love them forever and the door is always open should they decide to walk through.

My grandchildren do receive cards, gifts from me. They had nothing to do with this and I refuse to use them as pawns in this mess even though two of my daughters have at one time or another. If it were not for one of sons-in-law my other daughter would also. Her husband told her that no matter what it takes he will see to it that their daughters see their Gramma whether she liked it or not. He has been very supportive of me throughout all of this.

mcj3321 - you are so blessed to have such a wonderful SIL. It is my DIL that has taken my son and GD away and not allowed them to see us. My ES is weak and controlled by DIL. I am so happy for you.

My ED celebrates her birthday June 24th, the same day as my deceased mother whom my ED highly resented to share her day with. This year I have chosen to do nothing. Why? Last year I was late in sending her card with money enclosure because they had just moved from the Midwest to the South and I misplaced their new address. When I emailed my ED for it, she presented it, but I picked up a very rotten attitude from her. I sent her the birthday card and gift enclosure anyway. I never received any response, a thank you, kiss my grits, NOTHING! Then two months later I sent matching sundresses to my two granddaughters and never received any acknowledgment or thanks! I'm not about to make the same mistake again only to set myself up for repeated failure and have another emotional meltdown. No thanks. I decided this year to detach and so far I am coping much better because of it. My ED has kept me at a distance now for six years and enough is enough. She's lost control of hurting me anymore because I chose to get out of an unsafe relationship. As long as I remained in contact with her, she could continue hurting me. I've cut off that opportunity and I now pray and wait for God's redemption to come to her heart. There's nothing more I can physically and emotionally do.

Two years ago I had my ES's favorite stuffed animal that he had as a child delivered to him on his b'day with a card and 1 month later sent my DIL a large gift card to a spa. She held on to it until her step mom's b'day and regiftfed it to her, pretending it was from DIL and ES.

When I found out, I emailed the step mom and told her the truth. This year I didn't remember either of them with anything, no card, no text, zip.