Sovery, I am so sorry about this. DH and I can relate to the pain. It should be so different. You and your DH should be the ones honored by your ES. You put him through school and raised him. Our ED is treating her bf's mother as the honored one,also. It is very painful and we grieve. What we do not do however is feel ashamed. We know it is our ED who is not honoring and obeying God by treating parents this way.

We can pray your ES will feel very convicted at this dinner. He should. You do not have to explain to anyone. I wonder how he (all of our EC ) would explain the absence of their parents from important events. Other good parents,especially those who know us will not judge us but dare I say other good parents would think very poorly of our EC and rightfully so.

One day these young romances may fall apart. Then our EC will remember who was always there for them. God bless you and your DH.

I know how they explain our absence - they tell everyone we didn't want to come. That is what my ES and DIL did at their rehearsal dinner. It makes them look like the good guys, great kids with terrible parents.

I am afraid that is what es and his girlfriend would tell people-that we didn't want to come. The Lord must have had this mother email me so she would know the truth. It would have been terrible if she had of thought we just didn't show up. Prayers.

I'm sorry you were put in the awkward position of having to try to explain the unexplainable. It's bad enough to not be invited, but worse is to have yet another event pass by where you should be there but can't be. There is no shame for you, it is your son's shame. He will have to be making more explanations that you will have to, hopefully.

I'm not too sure what your friend meant by "God has a plan" though. I know God has an overall plan for mankind but he also gives us freewill. Your son is exercising his free will in choosing to be thoughtful and considerate of you in regards to this event or to ignore God's plan for peace within the family and treat his parents disrespectfully. Unfortunately, he is choosing to go against God's plan for peace. Keep praying that his heart is softened and that he turns to Jesus. Then, he may be more inclined to walk in the way of God's plan to be at peace with one another.

In the meantime, we are here for you even if your sons aren't.

AMEN to your post,Guelsmom. My sentiments precisely regarding our ED and all of our EC

Sovery, I am glad you had the opportunity to share truth when this woman asked.

Shame on your son and I hope he is embarrassed by not having his Mom present. You don't NEED to make any explanations or excuses for your son, I had to quit doing that a long time ago, I ran out of excuses:) for my daughters' crazy behavior......Now the world can see the TRUTH without "crazy" Mom being in the picture anymore...and let me tell you it hasn't taken long for "the enlightened" to see........you can only fool people for so long, the truth ALWAYS comes out in end......Hang in there, I totally feel your pain, I was sooooo embarrassed when we had a family portrait done with my fiancees' family and I 'WAS NOT ALLOWED" to bring my grandson, oh humility......but they choose their own path and we have free will (THANK THE LORD) to choose ours. I, too, am glad you could open up and share the truth but do be careful with that.........I don't "open" up to everyone, been there, done that, and it is still biting me in some relationships, so just be wary and know that in your heart, this is HIS choice, not yours.

Free will...choices...consequences...

No one escapes the consequences of their free will or choices...the timing however is God's to show them the error of their ways.

i personally want to hurry God in this endeavor even though I know I cannot...I dislike intensely seeing time wasted like this by the estranged Adult Children...it is so precious...and they cannot see that. God has a much different concept of time of course than mine ... but their day of recoking will come...it comes to each and every one of us.

Please do not feel ashamed...that is something your son owns all by himself..although I do admit to feeling "ashamed" of their actions and of them...we know they were not raised this way and so does God.
They lie to cover up their guilt as Norske says and lies will always come back to haunt them.

AllK

OOoop! As I re-read my post I realized I left out a VERY important word....."not" where I was intending to say..."Your son is exercising his free will in choosing "NOT" to be thoughtful and considerate......

(This error is an example of how mistakes can be made innocently and make a HUGE difference in how the message comes across to others..)

So Sorry feeling...

OOoop! As I re-read my post I realized I left out a VERY important word....."not" where I was intending to say..."Your son is exercising his free will in choosing "NOT" to be thoughtful and considerate......

(This error is an example of how mistakes can be made innocently and make a HUGE difference in how the message comes across to others..)

So Sorry soverysadmom, so I delete my reply and re-wrote it as it should have been written........

"I'm sorry you were put in the awkward position of having to try to explain the unexplainable. It's bad enough to not be invited, but worse is to have yet another event pass by where you should be there but can't be. There is no shame for you, it is your son's shame. He will have to be making more explanations that you will have to, hopefully.

I'm not too sure what your friend meant by "God has a plan" though. I know God has an overall plan for mankind but he also gives us freewill. Your son is exercising his free will in choosing to be thoughtful and considerate of you in regards to this event or to ignore God's plan for peace within the family and treat his parents disrespectfully. Unfortunately, he is choosing to go against God's plan for peace. Keep praying that his heart is softened and that he turns to Jesus. Then, he may be more inclined to walk in the way of God's plan to be at peace with one another.

In the meantime, we are here for you even if your sons aren't.

OOoop! As I re-read my post I realized I left out a VERY important word....."not" where I was intending to say..."Your son is exercising his free will in choosing "NOT" to be thoughtful and considerate......

(This error is an example of how mistakes can be made innocently and make a HUGE difference in how the message comes across to others..)

So Sorry soverysadmom, so I delete my reply and re-wrote it as it should have been written as follows........

"I'm sorry you were put in the awkward position of having to try to explain the unexplainable. It's bad enough to not be invited, but worse is to have yet another event pass by where you should be there but can't be. There is no shame for you, it is your son's shame. He will have to be making more explanations that you will have to, hopefully.

I'm not too sure what your friend meant by "God has a plan" though. I know God has an overall plan for mankind but he also gives us freewill. Your son is exercising his free will in choosing not to be thoughtful and considerate of you in regards to this event or to ignore God's plan for peace within the family and treat his parents disrespectfully. Unfortunately, he is choosing to go against God's plan for peace. Keep praying that his heart is softened and that he turns to Jesus. Then, he may be more inclined to walk in the way of God's plan to be at peace with one another.

In the meantime, we are here for you even if your sons aren't.

Thank you all for your encouragement and my heart goes out to each of you in your pain. When I saw the pictures (the college sent them to me) I saw my son, his girlfriend, her parents and two empty chairs that were supposed to be for me and my husband but we were not allowed by my son to be sent the invitation. It was a stab in my gut. I felt like throwing up. I didn't go to bed until 4:00 a.m. because I was so upset. My son won several awards. But he is not listening to God right now and maybe never will. The friend who was there said your son's girlfriend is definitely controlling him and it was very obvious.

Sovery, I relate so much with your journey and an share your pain. You and your DH deserve the top honor for all that you have done for your ES. You say he received honors. He should be grateful to you and your DH for the opportunity he had to go to school and achieve what he did. The "two empty chairs" did not honor God. That is the bottom line. One day he may regret what he has done.

This is our prayer for all of our EC (our ED). We pray that one day they will really listen to what God would have them do. Then they can truly live a life of joy.

soverysad....Oh, how painful that must have been to have seen those pics!!! I would have reacted the same as you did......just bawled my eyes out. My ES graduated from the University of Phoenix online but we were not invited to the graduation. But, at least we were spared the empty chair pics.

I am so sorry for the pain we all have to endure. I have deleted the empty chair pictures. I just can't bare to even look at them without breaking down. I can't even think of them without breaking down. And my son, his girlfriend and her parents are just smiling so big in the pictures, like hahaha.They are having such a wonderful time. I can't imagine what the college folks in charge of the dinner must have thought of us, not attending. If they only knew.

I totally agree with you about not looking at any pictures of this event. The empty chair pictures speak to the bad behavior of your ES and not to the good character of you and your DH.

I have had many opportunities to let leadership (of churches and college) know of the truth of the estrangement with our ED. Do you feel led to let them know why you did not attend?