CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Community Group

Estrangement makes it difficult to talk about with family, friends, neighbors and church members. Christians are NOT immune to broken families. Talk about your experiences with those who know how you feel and get positive support through your Christian faith...."In these last days difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self...disobedient to parents,...

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/ CHRISTIAN PARENTS of ESTRANGED ADULT CHILDREN Support Group

NEED HELP

MrsHarlock1982
MrsHarlock1982
So, I have posted my stories both on this board and in my support group. You probably know that both my oldest and youngest daughter's have been adopted to other families. Also, that I am estranged from my 2 middle daughter's. Recently, my ex husband contacted me stating that if I will agree to pay him $400 he would have his petition for contempt dismissed. Then he stated that if I paid $419/mo, from now until he marry's his girlfriend, and I terminate my parental rights, and consent to step parent adoption, he will make sure that the contempt petition is thrown away, as well as all past due child support is forgiven. At first, I agreed to terminating my parental rights and consenting to step parent adoption. Then, I decided to follow my heart and fight for my girls. Tonight, Justin emailed me stating that since I have not excerised my right to visitation, nor have I paid child support, along with the fact that I have caused Emotional Abuse to my children and was incarcarated for nearly 3 years (classified as a violent felonious offender) he could have my rights terminated. I spoke to an attorney last week who stated that the judge we are going in front of, won't terminate my rights without my consent. She herself has been in front of that judge on a much worse situation and because the mother said she wanted to get better and take care of her baby (the same mother who smoked crack and robbed a store at gunpoint, WITH HER CHILD IN HER ARMS) the judge refused to grant the petition for termination of her parental rights. That gave me inspiration to fight, but when I have tried to contact my daughter Savannah via KIK messenger, she has told me that she doesn't want me to contact her, and she wants nothing to do with me. On top of that, all the hurtful things that Justin has said to me recently, makes me wonder, should I just do what's best for my kids and terminate my parental rights and consent to the step parent adoption, since she's a better mother than I was?? And since, they don't want anything to do with me? I am so scared and confused... I don't know what to do. Part of me says fight til the bitter end, but the other part of me says why fight if they don't want anything to do with me? I feel like I have lost 4 pieces of ME. 4 babies that I carried inside of me and gave birth to, They are a part of me!!! I only pray that one day, they will want to know my side of the story, and want to get to know me. I know that I have made some major mistakes in regards to my children. They are things that I beat myself up over, DAILY!!! I cannot undo what I have done, but I have changed!!!! I am no longer on the drugs, I live a good, happy, healthy (except for the smoking cigarettes) lifestyle. What do I do??!!???
poodlegirl61
poodlegirl61
I don't judge anybody. After what I've been through I know literally anything can happen to anybody, no matter WHAT kind of background you had. And like "chocolate" said, "but for the grace of God" it can happen to anybody. The only difference between me and any other sinner out there is that I have been forgiven because of Jesus. Period. So no judgement here. As for words of wisdom, sadly I have none, except what the previous posters have already said. It sounds like you are already on the right path by turning things around. I agree about trying to find some sort of family mediation where you have a chance to explain your side. God bless you!
whyonlychild
whyonlychild
Thank you for mentioning writing the GC messages that they can have when they are older. Today, ES made things so much worse by a scathing message that told me I will never have contact with him or GC again. I have no idea what made everything so much worse since we haven't exchanged messages or anything. He wrote some very terrible things about me and I am having so much trouble handling all of it. I do think the idea of writing to your children perodically for their future is a great idea.
savedbyhim45
savedbyhim45
whyonlychild, I am sorry for your sons message. I don't think any of us understand why. May the Lord send you a blessing and surround you with his love and comfort.
katesMom1995
katesMom1995
I'm sorry your son wrote such terrible things, Whyonlychild. We must remember that our children are being blinded and believing lies from the devil himself. I know it doesn't make it easier, but it helps in focusing our prayers that the blinders, enablers, and deceiving spirits leave our children, now.

My 59 year old brother, who has no children, is enabling and encouraging my soon to be 20 year old daughter in her alienation from us. He goes along and builds up her stories… For example, one of the claims on our abuse is that we forced her to have a part time job at Chick Fil A while in high school which caused her a lot of stress. The reality was this: A man at our church was a manager at Chick Fil A, and many of the her friends from youth group worked there and she asked us if she could work there, so I took her down to fill out an application and she was hired. As she worked there, she was sleeping in late and wouldn't get up to do her school work (we homeschooled), she was getting a really bad attitude, and I did yell at her through this time, which I'm sorry for--I didn't handle her attitude well. I was wrong. Anyhow, she had SAT's to study for so we forced her to QUIT the job so she could study--we even had to hire a geometry tutor--a lot going on at that time, and then when SAT's were over (she did great!), she got a call from her friend at Chick Fil A and they really needed help that night and she asked if she could go back to work part time. We didn't force her to work! Yet that is one of the claims of abuse towards us. I have no idea how the reality became so exploded into lies of us forcing her to work… So please, whyonlychild, know that it is difficult to understand why your son wrote such terrible things, but you're not alone…
gordos4
gordos4
The evil one is definitely working hard to get ahold of as many souls as he can. He knows his time is short & is attacking people with his fury. God help us all.
lindajoan
lindajoan
Dear Friends, These accusations of abuse and lies about us are usually to justify why our EC have estranged from us. If they did not do this terrible act against us good parents they would look foolish in leaving and estranging.

Our ED , when she left 3 years ago, tried to destroy our reputation.We forgive. It is impossible to make sense out of the senseless. We can only answer for our own actions. May God give us His peace each day.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The need to know why, is among the hardest part of estrangement. I think if they have to take another person down, then it's obvious their position is a weak one. You don't need to hurt or accuse someone else if your own position and opinions are strong and on solid ground. That has been the hardest part for me, is detaching from all the lies, and not trying to answer them, or prove them wrong. To stop trying to explain to ES and DIL how painful their twisted view of me is. Your words, lindajoan, that it is impossible to make sense of the senseless, are so very true, and ones I need to continually hear. I have spent so much time trying to understand why, with the hope that that understanding would bring relief, when really my ES and DIL have decided to treat me worse, and apply much higher standards to MY behavior, which they feel free to critique all the time, with no trying to understand me or where I'm coming from. I sure as heck didn't raise my son to treat people that way!!! I think that's another place I get stuck: How could my ES POSSIBLY act this way, since he was raised by me??? When I think of all the hard work I did modeling my values, and living my values, their whole growing up. I am gradually coming to understand that I will never understand this, as my son has chosen new values to live his life by, though they break my heart.
savedbyhim45
savedbyhim45
I agree , the devil does work through people to break us down so we will fall away from the Lord. Look at what he did to Jesus and the horror of it. I find it hard to believe that Humans alone could do such a thing. We have to trust our Lord and ask him for protection
lindajoan
lindajoan
Let's always remind ourselves that God is greater. The enemy and people are powerless over Him. He gave His all for us out of love for us. Our EC are not living according to God's commandment of honoring their parents. They are making bad choices.

saved, As you said the betrayal of our perfect Lord made no sense. The betrayal of our EC to us, although we were not perfect, makes no sense. We live in an evil world. The story is not completed yet. Jesus will reign.