That's a question I ask myself every day. It strips away self confidence and builds insecurity. I find refuge in my friends, a few of whom I've had for 35 years. They know me. They believe in me. So why doesn't my ES? We have a choice of living in this nightmare and allowing it to spoil the rest of our lives, or we can focus on those who truly love us and get some joy back in our lives. I choose to focus on the love, even while I can't stop grieving over the loss. I'm 63 years old. Reconciliation may not happen until the next life. Very sad, but true.
You're not at all alone in your "lost feeling". We're all trying to find solid ground to stand on. Estrangement has been a total shock to us. Never, through all the years of raising them, did I anticipate anything like this.
You've found a good support system here, with lots of love and prayers.

I am also asking that and struggling. I became a parent at 18 but unfortunately married the wrong person who made my life a misery. I wish I could go back and do it over. We know we are Gods beloved children. We have that assurance so even though we feel lost, we are not. Try to focus on Gods promises and find your identity in that. Read the bible, attend bible studies , be around other Christians, watch youtube videos ( Charles Stanley, Joyce Meyer). They are uplifting and give you purpose. It is so hard to feel lost at this point of my life but I don't think that God is done with me yet , and still has things for me to do even though I am rejected. Who knows about rejection the most? Jesus, I just have to be willing to serve him with the rest of the time he gives me. Remember , the devil wants you to fall away - DONT let him win, put your trust in God. You are worthy and treasured. Remember the saying " God knows every hair on your head and loved you before your very existence"

I also feel these exact same feelings. I have no idea why my ES would feel that to be independent, he has to completely dishonor and disrespect me, completely ignore my feelings, and reject all of my ways of thinking. I don't know why my ES feels that for him to emancipate or individuate he has to essentially throw me away. Throw away his relationship with me. I also loved being a mom, and really I raised my children by myself, and gave them everything I had to give through very difficult and challenging times. I, too, have felt that I have had to start my life over from scratch, in my case, at the age of 54, I am now 59, and to have lost all my beliefs about the world, about love, about parenting, and have to start all over again from scratch this late in the game, has just laid me so low. I am doing better than I did when this started five years ago, but I was absolutely blindsided by what happened, could never have imagined it happening in a million years, and I am ashamed it has made me feel like that my life's work didn't have any meaning. I know that's not really true, and I know that even if I could go back, I would have still had children, and would have still given them everything I had to give. Because when they were little, nothing could have made me believe that what has transpired over the past five years would have ever happened to me. But I struggle with a sense of futility, I struggle to believe in good existing. I struggle to retain my religious beliefs. I do attend church and Bible Study's, because it reminds me of what I used to believe, and it comforts me that somebody still believes. I am still working as hard as I can to get over the feelings of utter hopelessness that I still sometimes feel. But it has been the hardest, and most draining work I have ever had to do. I used to tell people that mothering my children, and being a good mother, gave me a joy and peace such that I almost was a different person, when I was with my children, I also mothered a lot of their friends, I provided childcare for many of my sons' close friends for over ten years, from my older son's first grade, through my younger son's 7th grade. It brought me such joy and peace. Today, I can't remember what that felt like. Thank you for listening.

I ask myself that all the time. I was a mother at 19, so I too, had kids to take care of most of my life. It hurts to be rejected by the ones we gave birth to. I find great comfort in my bible study & saying my rosary, & chaplet to St. Michael every day. I feel a peace/calm come over me. God is there for us & feels our pain too. You, I , & everyone one this site ARE important, with our without our kids love & acceptance. Their behavior is from the evil one's influence on them & our world in general. I feel the end of days are upon us. Keep fighting the good fight. God Bless us all!

ejrin, Its normal to doubt your faith. It's a constant struggle for me, esp. when one of my kids pulls something. Faith is something you have to FIGHT for, it doesn't come easy. I wish you and all of us peace & God's comfort.

I understand. I felt like when i had my daughter that I finally understood what i was supposed to do and who I was. I quit my job, stayed home with her and homeschooled my kids while working from home. I loved our days together. Now she has walked out of our lives at 18. After scheming, going behind our backs, lying, deceiving and hurting - us and her siblings, aunts uncles and her grandma.

But I encourage you - who are you? You are a CHILD OF GOD. Loved with an everlasting love - a daughter of the king. Bride of Christ. Parenthood doesn't define us - just as being childless doesn't define one. Who we are in Christ...defines us.
I know that's hard because our emotions rage against it - the ground we thought was firm under us has crumbled away and we're danging. But we're not. We can stand on the solid rock of Christ.
They showed this in church yesterday about our identity. I don't think it's an accident that I checked into the forum today and saw your message first thing --
I hope it is encouraging to you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtZUNf0Yt54

Ishallwear, Estrangement is so sad. We do not deserve to be treated this way by the very ones we did so much for not the least gave them life. It is rejection and that hurts. As mentioned, our Savior knew rejection the most.

The enemy wants us to question who we are? That is easy to do with our low self esteem and bruised emotions. Jesus wants us to know that His love for us never changes. He gave His life to prove it. The enemy is strong but greater is he that is in me. God did not cause our estrangement it is the sin of our EC.

We are here to remind you that we care and you are important to God and us. Cry out to Him. He will meet you there. He will restore our hope, peace, and even joy in Him.

that was a good video Talithakoum, thank you for your encouragement. I liked how they incorporate the passion of the Christ into it , although it is painful to see the extent of the Lords suffering but it was for our sake that he did it.We can be damaged but we are not overcome. We are crushed but we are not destroyed. We are upheld by the creator of the Universe. We have a duty to thank the Lord for what he has done and thank God the Father for his never ending love.

Thank you for the video about Jesus amazing love for each of us.

I think of the song from Casting Crowns "Who Am I" and as it says in the song "I Am Yours." (God's)

Since this enstrangement I often feel worthless and have to remind myself of this. I Am His.

Love that song!

I am so Glad to see your response, soverysadmom. "I Am His." This is so true.

When this whole a estrangement from my ES m began almost three years ago, I was so distraught. My children and my grandchildren were everything to me. So much of what I was, was rooted in my relationship with them. Even though our other son and daughter, and her two children, were still in our lives, they, in their wanting to risk their relationship with their brother, offered very little sympathy for us, I understood their reasons, but dh and I have have felt very alone in this as far as family goes. But through all this, God has revealed to me my true identity in Christ. I am His servant.

As mother and grandmother I was acting in the stead of my Master, Jesus, as I cared for and love (still love) my children and grandchildren, but my identity is not in my role as mother and grandmother. Nor is it in my role as wife.m My identiy is solely in Christ, It is Him I serve. I am learning to see what a privilege it is to serve Him in any situation that I am at present. And I am learning to take joy in this.

I miss my ES and three grandsons greatly , but God has given me opportunities now in other ways to serve Him. First, I serve Him by loving and supporting my husband. Also, In my church, in my neighborhood, and in my job, God is opening my eyes to see others to whom I can give service and share His love. My ES, other adult children, and grandchildren are in God's hands, and I continue to hope and pray that our family will be healed one day. But God does not want me focusing on myself, on what others are doing or not doing to me. It is not about what I deserve or do not deserve, because in reality, I do not deserve anything. Only God is Good and deserving of anything. Not me. But He forgives me and clothes me in His Goodness, and I am most content when I am focusing on Jesus, and what He has done. In His love I am learning to be content.

So beautifully said, Ammi. Jesus gave us more than we deserve on the cross. He gave His life that we might have forgiveness of sins and eternal life with Hin as a gift for the asking. Praise His Name.

what a great reminder of who we really are in our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ