Will be watching out for advice! Thx to you all!!

Anger is a part of grief and if not expressed can get worse...I drove out into the country alone and shouted out how I felt to the birds ! I also expressed this to others that understood.The Lord got angry in the temple....How do we know what God wants...all I know is that we are all human and expressing anger in a non harmful way Ie punching pillows and my way, works...Going for pills for me the last option..Just my opinion hope it helps.

Ishall.....I can certainly understand how hard it must be to live in the same town with an estranged child. I don't have that problem to cope with and in some ways that is a blessing and in other ways it is not.

I think it is not a blessing in the sense that it is easier for our ES and DIL to ignore the reality of the situation due to being 700 miles away. They don't have to be concerned about bumping into us no matter where they go. For me, that is also good in the sense that I don't have to be constantly wondering when that "awkward" moment might suddenly be staring me in the face and leave me standing there like a dummy not knowing what the right thing to do or say is. Should I turn away and run or should I be brazen and walk up to them and speak to them? If I speak will they insult me or be kind to me? Do I laugh or cry? Do I hug or not hug? And then it would be the anger that you felt if they snubbed me the way they snubbed you. Of course it hurts! It is rude. It is childish and it is ignorant!

So, what would be the blessing if they were in the same town with us? Well, I think that it would be good in the sense that each and every time they saw us, it would remind them of what they are doing to us. A little bit of conscience pricking might just do wonders for us. To me, it would say.....you just cannot ignore this evil thing!!! We are here, like it or not!

I would not be too concerned about the anger as long as it does not take hold of you and start to define who you are. It is a normal emotion to feel anger at wrongdoing - and that is what you are feeling. I don't do antidepressants and never have because I feel as though it is a bandaid that covers the anger that is still there. Antidepressants don't help us to deal with the real issues.

Try not to go there unless you have to is my advice. Believe me, there was a time when that knot in the pit of my stomach was SO bad, day in and day out that I truly thought I was not going to make it. But I did.

Perhaps one way to get rid of, or reduce the anger, is to be glad that their seeing you caused them to think about the situation rather than ignore it. That has to come to their minds just as it does to yours. If you have done all that God requires of you by making amends of any past things that you might have said or done that might have either caused the estrangement or contributed to the continuation of the estrangement then.....LET IT GO! Know that you have done what God requires of you in Romans 12:18..."Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY," says the Lord.…

Ask yourself this....."Do I want peace? Have I done everything I can do to achieve peace in our family? Have I done what God calls me to do to achieve peace? Have I asked them to forgive me for things I have done or said? Have I asked Jesus to forgive me? If you can answer "Yes" to those things then tell yourself that it is NOT your problem any longer to solve - it is God's problem and it is their problem, but it is not yours!

Then, do as Jesus say..."Pray for your enemies and do good to those who hurt you." Yes, that is easier said than done - especially when the "enemies" are our own children. No one likes to be rejected but the sad part is that it does happen even in the best of Christian families.

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

Great advice Guelsmom - my DH and I did live very close to ES and DIL and I experienced the nervous feelings when out and about of what will happen if we run into them. As it turns out, we never did, which was really weird since there were so many opportunities for that to happen at stores and restaurants.

Then we moved away. As Guelsmom mentioned, the "out of sight, out of mind" makes it easier for our kids. If your daughter has to see you, hopefully God is touching her heart little by little with memories of a wonderful mom that she seems to have discarded.

I do take an herb called "St. John's Wort". It really helps take off the end of sadness. If I forget and miss a few days, I do notice my thoughts are more sad so that reminds me to take my St. John's Wort. You can buy it in any grocery store. It is a natural herb.

My son lives three hours away so I won't run into them probably. He and his girlfriend have been to town though and visited relatives and not even seen us which made me angry. Mostly I just grieve and am so sad but I get angry too. Knowing my son is spending his vacation this week with his girlfriend's parents and they are having so much fun makes me angry. I want to have fun. I want to smile again. I have thought seriously about taking antidepressants but I've heard that one of the side effects is weight gain and I'm already overweight so that has stopped me. I figured I'd just be even more depressed if I gained more weight. I have been walking and exercising per doctor's orders and surprisingly that has helped some. Thank norske for the letting me know about St. John's Wart. I need to try that. Prayers to you Ishallwear. I'm sorry that your daughter acted like that. I have wondered what my son would do if we saw him. Probably the same. Prayers to you and to all of you here.

It is very hard. I live 10 min from ED. Early on in estrangement (2 years ago) I was snubbed by her. That hurts! Please remember that we can not make out EC desire to have peace and a relationship with us. Only God can change their hearts. It is the bad behavior of our EC that we must react to in a Godly way. In God's strength hold your head high and realize you do not deserve that treatment. You will honor God.

I know some people that took medication for a time and did well. I like exercise for raising the endorphins. I especially love getting alone with God in prayer. God bless you.

I meant to say that you are probably angry at the action more than the person. It is righteous anger and that is how we feel about sin. The harder part is to let it go for our own good.

dont u think depression is unresolved anger at a situation u can not control?? ive wondered that,, as far as anger,, i was raised anger was wrong,, then realized God gets angry, Jesus was angry enough to throw tables aaround,, I never did that,, but my furniture is antique lol... I finally understood rightous anger,, and yes, I was angry and occassionally am still angry if I think about it.. The situation is wrong,, we arent perfect ,, but if u were seeking Gods will/blessings in raising your children,, as I was,, then yes , what they accuse us of, what cruel behavior we are subjected to makes u angry,, it tells u something is not right,, Jesus was subjected to cruelty, way beyond what weve experianced,, but we get a glimpse of it dont we?? He still saw it for what it was, and from whom it was,, I think thats what makes him easier to forgive,, If we wore glasses that allowed us to see the demons behind all this grief, Im sure we would be more compelled to be forgiving and fight the battles with the one who instigated the mess.. huggs,,,I know the feelings

After a full year I finally was able to feel anger instead of sorrow, and honestly, it felt good! It was a turning point from sitting home crying to saying, "enough is enough!" Then, I resolved to get on with life and feel joy again.

Jesus said," Forgive them Lord for they know not what they do." I don't think your daughter knows or realizes everything you have sacrificed and done for her. She surely cant know the pain you feel. I wonder if she has kids of her own?

Wow what absolute loads of great advice. Thank you all soooo much. You will never know how much this encouragement and insight has meant to me. Yes my ES has a child of her own which is precisely her motive for keeping the child away from us. I have decided after reading all the advice not to resort to taking antidepressants again. As you say, they are a band-aid. They numb you from the hurt but they also numb you from the good things in life. If I think of all I put up with during the last time I was on antidepressants, it makes me cringe. Things I should not have put up with. I set no boundaries for myself whilst on antidepressants and off them, all those things have returned to bite me with the pain. So why do this all over again to myself? I think I will get myself a bicycle instead and go cycling to help me through this stage. Oh yes and it has been a year of grief. And it has replaced the weeping just as was mentioned here. It is kind of empowering but as also mentioned here, it must not define me. I must use it as a catalyst of strength to move on. Thank you all so much and bless you all (((hugs))).