So glad you are here Paul. We lost our son over 5 years ago because he fell in love with and married a girl who laughed at our faith and says she "has her own" faith - I hesitate to call her athiest, but she is close for sure.

Our son was raised in a Christian home and was naive enough to think he can bring her to Christianity. He told us he would give her 10 years to become a Christian.

We have not heard from him. She controls him and gave him an ultimatim: his family or her.

You and your wife are in my prayers. Your daughter is lost to you right now, but God has a plan. Keep praying for her. Every night I pray that God will just squeeze all the hate out of my ES and DIL and fill them with love, forgiveness and a desire to know God.

Hi Paul, also glad you are here. Im sorry for your pain. From what I read I am mostly thinking, do not give up. She is not lost to you yet. God certainly hasn't given up, so neither should you. If she doesn't change her beliefs she will be called to be accountable. But to God, not to you. Just keep lifting her up in prayer and also yourself. Its okay to ask God to help you. Some people are uncomfortable asking God to help them. Don't be, dive all the way in and ask. On your knees with all of your heart, ask Him for healing for you all. He is the only defense against the enemy.

I hope you find peace here. Blessings to you.

Faith is not a matter of just being persuaded by facts, although I am convinced the facts support the Bible. Faith is a matter of the heart, and you have to trust that God will speak to your son's heart at the right time for him. It's sad that he's currently missing out on the wondrous relationship he could be having with Jesus, but do not panic, put your son in God's hands. Let God do His part and in the meantime, you do your part.

Remember that God gives us freedom to choose to believe in Him or not. Of course, if he doesn't believe in God, heaven, or hell then, to him, this choice is no more threatening than choosing one college over another, or choosing one career over another. However, to us as Christians, we know that his choice is MUCH more important than anything else in life. Yes, it is choosing a lifestyle here on earth, but it is also making a choice for eternity.

If the opportunity should arise, you could explain, in a calm and loving manner, why you are so concerned by having something like this prepared...."Son, I know you don't believe all this stuff but , "What if we are right? If we are then it would be like you sitting watching TV on the top floor of a wood building. Your mom and I discover the building is on fire but, you have no idea the building is on fire. However we know that if you don't get out you are going to die. Your mom and I are not going to walk into the room and say, "Son, how about coming for a walk with your mom and I?" No! We are going to come in and grab you by the hand and do whatever we can to get you out of there alive - even if we suffer injuries in the process."

Tell him that he needs to understand that your attempts at conversations with him about God are because you love him desperately and you only wanted him to be ok.

The advice I can offer you is to:

1- Talk to him about things of God only when he brings them up. Don't keep preaching to him when he is exhibiting a hardness of heart.
2- At all times always exhibit kindness and respect to him as a person.
3- Offer unconditional love to your child - not agreeing with beliefs or actions - but always affirming your love for him.
4- If possible surround him with Godly, loving friends and mentors who can honestly answer his questions when they arise.
5- Keep the door open, praying for him daily and have people close to you pray for him also.
6- Be prepared if he asks questions by becoming familiar with apologetics so you will have intelligent answers when they arise. Summit ministries out of Colorado has a LOT of resources for this. Anything written by Sean or Josh McDowell are good places to start.

I'm praying for you my friend.

My ES also doesn't believe in God now and this scares me... But it is out of my control,he is grown and is making some bad decisions writing his family and friends off.. All you can do is pray for these kids to grow up and realize what they are doing! Wish you the best!

We also do not know where our ES is in his faith. He was raised in a Christian home but married a woman who mocked our religion and said she had her "own faith", whatever that is since she hadn't attended church since she left her birth mother to live with her birth father and step mom at age 14.

Her birth mom said she attended Sunday School and church when she lived with her but after she left her mother she denounced everything good her birth mother was and is.

So - not sure where my ES is in his walk with God either. But, as we have said before, he is an adult and will make his own decisions.

One of the hardest parts of being a parent is knowing when to let go. When they become adults and we want to hold tighter.

I heard something a few weeks ago, this would deal with the estranged sons. I suppose it could be useful for estranged daughters married to Christian men. I was watching an episode of Dr. Phil. Like him, cant help it. Anyway, it was a follow-up to a show that I hadnt seen. About an overbearing mom, a married son and his wife who was so tired of the moms craziness. Now I will admit thinking that wow, this mom is a bit off. She was pretty smothering. That aside, they only showed clips of the first show with the DIL there. On this second episode, the son and mom were back but the DIL refused to come. She made it clear to her husband that she wanted nothing to do with the mom. I dont know where she stood on the kids. The son talked repeatedly about his faith as a Christian. At a point in the program, he mentioned it again. Dr. Phil turned to him and said, (probably not a direct quote " Im a Christian myself, and I have a question for you. If you are a Christian man, who is leading your home"? I nearly cheered. It seemed to me to be such a vindication for moms with Christian sons who are letting their wives run the show. He then pointed out that his wife wasnt on the show beside him. I did enjoy it. Hope this helps. I probably got off track.

To our new friend, prayers continue for your daughter.

Thank you for your post. I usually don't watch Dr. Phil but sure wish I had watched this one. It sounds like my ES and DIL. She definitely runs the show, making him choose by repeatedly telling my ES how terrible his whole family is. I think she started out just trying to alienate him from me and didn't count on the rest of the family siding with me.

Anyway, do you remember when this episode was on? Maybe I could google it.

I'm curious - did the son have any rebuttal when Dr. Phil asked who was leading his home?

He seemed very uncomfortable, and I think kinda nodded in agreement, but to be honest I don't know where it went from there. I was too busy cheering in my head. lol There was no denying this mom was extreme, but the point he made to him was perfect. I will search for it for you as I know what they looked like. I don't know how long ago they appeared for the first time with the dil. Im sure that was a dilly! I will search and get back to you.

Thanks. I do remember seeing bits and pieces of the first one but didn't see the second. Gosh - wish my ES had seen it!!!