Children Of Divorced Parents Support Group
This community is for the children of divorce, both for adult children who have lived through a divorce as well as parents concerned about the effects of divorce on their children. Share your story and get advice in this support group, where there are others going through similar challenges.
I'm going to be 25 next month and things between my parents have been rocky for years. I know that no marriage is perfect, but some recent things have been wearing on me even more than usual. I'm writing here because I need a place to talk where others can relate or offer insight.
My mom is unhappy in the marriage. She constantly talks to me about this, how he doesn't hug or kiss her anymore or take her out. As a woman, I can relate to this unhappiness but I've expressed multiple times I'm not her marriage counselor so she needs to stop treating me like I am.
Two years ago my dads mother passed away and there was a major family blow out during that time between my mom and my sister (who she ran out of the house four years ago). This completely embarrassed my dad in front of his entire family. Since then he has been tolerating my moms behavior.
In the last month or two my mom has been in contact with her childhood sweetheart. He is currently separated from his wife and living with his girlfriend. He remains married to his wife so she can have access to the medical insurance (I think she may be ill but I don't know).
My mom regularly checks his Facebook, making an account just so she can look. She hasn't friended him and has no friends on her page, she just uses it to snoop. She constantly calls me to change her display picture or her name (goes between her maiden name, married named and made up name) for her.
She says her talking to him is completely innocent and she is grateful for the friendship.
She constantly makes remarks about this man to my dad to try and get a reaction out of him. My dad doesn't give into her ploy and usually ignores it but is getting increasingly frustrated with it. Some of these remarks include that she wants to get a boyfriend, wants a setup like her "friend" has with my dad, and that she wants to live in her own house and get money from my dad ach month (he works, she doesn't). She gossips about this guy to me and today in the car to go shopping was telling me how I should bring someone home that is a cop like this guy is.
I feel like I'm at a cross roads.
As a woman I understand my moms frustrations with my dad, but like my dad I understand how manipulative my mom is with the tantrums she throws. I feel torn because even though I'm an adult, I'm still the child when it comes to them problems.
I am thinking that this relationship with the guy is a bad one. She uses how he is with his life as validation for my dad being a crappy husband. I don't think this man is interested in her, but I do believe that she's "romanticizing" and idolizing him in her mind. I could see some hints of her emotionally cheating on my dad because of all of this, but I have no idea on how to approach her, or any parent in this case, when this is occurring.
Thanks for reading....
My mom is unhappy in the marriage. She constantly talks to me about this, how he doesn't hug or kiss her anymore or take her out. As a woman, I can relate to this unhappiness but I've expressed multiple times I'm not her marriage counselor so she needs to stop treating me like I am.
Two years ago my dads mother passed away and there was a major family blow out during that time between my mom and my sister (who she ran out of the house four years ago). This completely embarrassed my dad in front of his entire family. Since then he has been tolerating my moms behavior.
In the last month or two my mom has been in contact with her childhood sweetheart. He is currently separated from his wife and living with his girlfriend. He remains married to his wife so she can have access to the medical insurance (I think she may be ill but I don't know).
My mom regularly checks his Facebook, making an account just so she can look. She hasn't friended him and has no friends on her page, she just uses it to snoop. She constantly calls me to change her display picture or her name (goes between her maiden name, married named and made up name) for her.
She says her talking to him is completely innocent and she is grateful for the friendship.
She constantly makes remarks about this man to my dad to try and get a reaction out of him. My dad doesn't give into her ploy and usually ignores it but is getting increasingly frustrated with it. Some of these remarks include that she wants to get a boyfriend, wants a setup like her "friend" has with my dad, and that she wants to live in her own house and get money from my dad ach month (he works, she doesn't). She gossips about this guy to me and today in the car to go shopping was telling me how I should bring someone home that is a cop like this guy is.
I feel like I'm at a cross roads.
As a woman I understand my moms frustrations with my dad, but like my dad I understand how manipulative my mom is with the tantrums she throws. I feel torn because even though I'm an adult, I'm still the child when it comes to them problems.
I am thinking that this relationship with the guy is a bad one. She uses how he is with his life as validation for my dad being a crappy husband. I don't think this man is interested in her, but I do believe that she's "romanticizing" and idolizing him in her mind. I could see some hints of her emotionally cheating on my dad because of all of this, but I have no idea on how to approach her, or any parent in this case, when this is occurring.
Thanks for reading....
My mom used to bitch to me about my dad for years and I told her if she was so unhappy to just leave him but then my brother knocked up his girlfriend and my parents ended up taking on a new born in 2005 which actually helped their relationship they still have ups and downs but after watching my aunt and uncles relationship fall apart my dad has really stepped up and started treating my mom better.
"She uses how he is with his life as validation for my dad being a crappy husband. I don't think this man is interested in her, but I do believe that she's "romanticizing" and idolizing him in her mind. I could see some hints of her emotionally cheating on my dad because of all of this" - this is so true and I think it will be hard but I think you need to tell your mother that this guy is probably just jerking her along because he knows how vonurable she is right now. She is also trying to get attention from your father in all the wrong ways. I dont really know what to tell you Hun their marraige could make it if they would both commit to counselling where they can work out their issues instead of dumping them on you. Its so hard to hear bad things about one parent from another because we idolize each parent for who we think they are which of course is super mom and super dad hearing negative things about them is heartbreaking.
If you try to talk to them and they wont listen then you should start counselling and maybe then they will see that they need to get involved with counselling for your sake.
Good Luck Hun I will pray for you :)