Children Of Divorced Parents Support Group
This community is for the children of divorce, both for adult children who have lived through a divorce as well as parents concerned about the effects of divorce on their children. Share your story and get advice in this support group, where there are others going through similar challenges.
So, my parents have not been happy for years. My dad was suicidal when I was in high school, and he told me everything about it. That was the first time I was treated as a full grown adult, against my will. He gave me a ring as a "remember me" gift, and I still wear it every day. He never did kill himself, but he never got over the depression either. It drove him and my mom further and further apart. She wouldn't tell him anything about finances because she was worried it would stress him out and make him more depressed, so it blew up and they ended up in debt. The last two years of their marriage they didn't even sleep in the same bed. They separated completely shortly after Halloween, and then finalized their divorce in June. I turned 20 in July. This whole time I've tried to take care of everybody. I've been defending my mom to my dad, defending my dad to my mom, and advocating for my 15 yr old sister while defending both parents and myself to her. I feel like I'm a constant mediator, and a counselor for all three of them, and I'm having a really hard time saying no. My dad now has a girlfriend, who I've met. She's nice, but I'm slightly iffy about her, probably because I'm not used to my parents being divorced yet, let alone dating. My mom has started telling me that there's so much I don't know, and she can't tell me because she wants me to have a good relationship with my dad. My dad is saying the same thing about her!! Then my mom says that if my sister and I were younger she'd be battling for full custody, and that's giving me really mixed messages about the relationship she wants me to have with my dad. I threw myself into work 40+ hours a week to avoid my own emotions so I could continue taking theirs. I'm starting to get burnt out from working too much, and as I take less hours, I'm feeling more of the emotions I keep shoving down. I don't know how to cope with this anymore. I have to move back home for two weeks and I don't think I can handle it. Somebody help me get back on track.
She was in a really bad way when he left, some days I worried that if she didnt answer her phone she could possibly of killed herself. I am the only one intouch with my dad, my sister has disowned him. I am a shoulder for both of them to cry on and I always feel guilty if I tell them I am feeling down as I dont want them to feel bad for contributing to that. I was working a lot up until christmas when I left my job to work from home and look after my kids, thats when it started to hit me.
I just wanted you to know that I know some of what you are feeling and your not alone. I am really struggling right now too.
It sounds like your parents and sister have relied on you a lot to be strong for them and that you haven't had someone to talk to about your feelings.
My suggestion would be to write a big, long letter and write out everything you're feeling. sometimes i do this when i'm struggling with my anger and sadness (my parents split up a while ago when my dad cheated on my mom for the 100th time). the letter writing helps me sort out my feelings. From there, you can start to try and identify things that you need to live a healthier life.
i wish i had more advice :( Stay strong and make sure to take care of yourself. Like Chikadee said, you aren't alone.