Children Of Divorced Parents Support Group

This community is for the children of divorce, both for adult children who have lived through a divorce as well as parents concerned about the effects of divorce on their children. Share your story and get advice in this support group, where there are others going through similar challenges.

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/ Children Of Divorced Parents Support Group

My parents are getting divorced.

addie051017
addie051017

Ok so this may be a little ridiculous but I am 21y/o and just found out today that my parents are getting divorced. I know it’s not as big of a deal since I’m an adult but I could really use some help. I just want to know what to expect. As far as I know they are getting divorced in order to save their friendship, but how would that work? I could really use some help understanding it all. I’m not trying to make light of anyone’s parents being divorced when they were young. I just am confused and need help understanding. 

milooooooo
milooooooo
Hey! First please don’t say “not as big a deal as I’m an adult” because the issue is it’s totally different! Every divorce is painful but it’s a whole different kettle of fish once you are an adult.
I know you posted a while ago so it’s been a whole pandemic and Christmas is that time but I really hope you’ve managed to get through it ok so far.
The experience I’ve had has been so difficult in balancing each parent, they lean on you for emotional support and expect you to handle everything perfect from the get-go, as if this isn’t the first divorce we’ve been through. Luckily I was at uni when they divorced so I’ve avoided the brunt of it! However when I go home I still manage to get it wrong! My mum is very affected by the divorce, she was walk all over by my dad throughout the marriage and I knew it was coming so I haven’t taken long to get used to them being separated! I’ve known for at least 8 years it would happen once I left home.
One of the issues of being older is that we are expected to know everything. There’s no lawyers so split time, it’s in our hands at the peak time we should be working our own lives out!
I really hope you’ve managed to get on ok, I’m not sure you’ll even see this!
Rebecca_Thomas
Rebecca_Thomas
Hey Addie! Parents getting divorced at any age is still hard. For the parents and the children. You said your parents are doing it to save their friendship and I completely believe that is possible. Some people do not always work as a pair, but they make good friends. While I know it can be difficult, I would definitely say do not take sides in the divorce (even though the divorce isn't out of anger). This is the most important thing I feel I could tell you to help. When you choose a side it can be draining for you.
keep pushing forward and just remember that it could be a healthy thing for them and it will hopefully keep them happy. Happiness and safety are key in all relationships (friends and family).
sweeetpink
sweeetpink
Im in a marriage where my husband does not offer love, affection or asks me about my day. I think about divorcing him every day, but I don't for the sake of the kids. He despises me because I don't agree with his porn addiction. Your parents probably suffered many years with problems in which then did not tell you about. Now that you are grown they are divorcing. I'm sorry this is happening to you. There are many dynamics they probably hid from you. I'm really sorry this is happening to you. My kids are 9 and 7, if I divorce him they would be traumatized. I just stay in this unhappy marriage.