Children Of Divorced Parents Support Group
This community is for the children of divorce, both for adult children who have lived through a divorce as well as parents concerned about the effects of divorce on their children. Share your story and get advice in this support group, where there are others going through similar challenges.
My 8 year old cried himself to sleep last night telling me he misses his dad and wishes he could see him more. He also told me the password to his ipad symbolizes the age when he was happy both his parents lived together and that the worse day of his life was when i told him his father and I had broken up.
My heart is broken. How can I ease his pain? I honestly try so hard to make him happy I know its not enough. He sees his father twice a week. Alot of those times I have to go out of my way to drop him off at his dad's and pick him up on public transportation beacuse his dad is too lazy to do these things. His father has never offer to take him to school or pick him up so they can spend more time together. When I have asked him to attend a father son day, or pick him up an extra day I was met with an excuse. Previously when he did agree to pick my son up my son would be waiting for hours not knowing when his father would come, so i took control of taking him and picking him up.
I recently took my son to his 1 st basketball game. He was so happy and told his dad who got mad and said he wanted to be the first one to take him. But in 8 years he never did. My son then told him about an upcoming game he wanted them to go to. His dad keeps saying he is checking for tickets but I know thats just an excuse and he isnt going to take him. I hate that my son has to be dissapointed it isnt the first time and it wont be the last. The sad part is I cant even have a civil conversation with his father and tell him to make more meaningful efforts because his son is hurt because he will just get angry and feel attacked.
My biggest worry is my son thinking that this some how my fault I try so hard for him to be happy. Some people tell me he needs to experience this pain and see these dissapointments for himself. But as a mom you dont ever want your children to be in pain.
His father is extremely inconsistent calling. Makes countless promises to see him even though the father is well aware it goes against court orders. The visits are only every other weekend for 2 days but he still doesn't make arrangements for them. When he misses their visitation or calls his father blames me directly saying he would have "but your mother..."
My son is heart broken. He remembers the fear from being beaten or seeing me get hurt. He remembers being afraid that his own father would kill me or take him away forever but still to him dealing with that every day would be better than not having his dad.
I do not know how much to protect him from the constant disappointments versus letting him experience them and know the truth.
The only thing I have found is to continually, multiple times a day, reassure him of how much I love him. That even though he has no family (It is literally only us, as we have no grandparents, aunts, uncle etc) that there are lots of people around him that love him deeply. I try to tell him when he asks why his father wont (fill in the Blank) that he still loves him and is proud of him as well. When he is told lies by his father, I do correct them. I caution him not to get his hopes up and we plan something small to do in the event of another let down. Sometimes its as simple as baking a batch of cookies or getting to eat out. My son knows the disappointment is coming but is in denial which is causing a lot of anger and resentment.
Keep being there for your son. Encourage him and talk with him about how much it hurts. Reassure him it's ok feel this way and remind him of how special he is and who much you are better off having him in your life. Let him speak and articulate what is going on in his head. The best thing I have found is to the correct the misconceptions and lies and counter the negative feelings of hate with your love for him. Then spend some quality time together doing something constructive to help him move on from the moment. Good luck. Keep looking out for your boy. He will see how much you love him and are trying to help him through the hardest times