Children Of Divorced Parents Support Group
This community is for the children of divorce, both for adult children who have lived through a divorce as well as parents concerned about the effects of divorce on their children. Share your story and get advice in this support group, where there are others going through similar challenges.
My parents divorced when I was 3 years old and I have trouble with the fact that I never feel permanent in a home. Now that I am older I am facing the sad fact that I might never feel permanent with anything. Music is my one saving grace through my life. Can I please reach out to someone for guidance.
I was inspired by some classical music and by the influence of my parents’ divorce to play piano. I had exposure to some songs that made a big impression on me in my early years, including Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake, and Chopin's Nocturnes. This music had a very calming and healing effect on my soul, and so I was inspired to begin playing piano. My mom was very involved with music and she had a piano in her house, so it was very easy for me to begin dabbling with the piano. I could've taken piano lessons, but learning music in an academic setting was very boring to me, so I was content with learning by playing.
By making my own music, I was able to vent my feelings of sadness, loneliness, confusion, anger, and resentment on the piano. The piano gave me positive feedback because my music tended to have a feeling of longing for something better, a desire for something more in this life than the pain I felt and the trap I felt I was in. This feeling coming from my music was the positive feedback that soothed my soul as I went through a roller coaster of emotions.
The result of playing piano was very good on me. Playing piano played a big role in helping me to cope with my circumstances, it gave me a constructive activity to apply myself to, and it eventually turned into a wonderful skill. I’ve been able to write and record my music for other people’s enjoyment as a result of cultivating this skill.
My piano music wasn’t the only musical influence on me. I also listened to a lot of rap and death metal because I was angry, full of aggression, and resentful. Listening to rap and death metal was a way for me to vent those feelings, and I would engage in the aggressive dances and mosh-pits to fully vent my feelings. I felt like I was one with those types of music because the artists also expressed a lot of anger, aggression, and resentment; so I felt like I had something in common with the music and camaraderie with the artists.
Looking back on my musical ventures, I would say that classical music and playing piano had a positive influence on me, and the rap and death metal had a less than positive influence on me. Classical music helped me to move forward in life, whereas rap and death metal kept me glued to the feelings of anger, aggression, and resentment. Although listening to rap and death metal felt good at the time, it did not help me to grow in compassion, peacefulness, or forgiveness. Having these qualities helps me to not be angry and resentful over the divorce. I want to have compassion, peacefulness, and forgiveness living in me, so I try to find things that will influence these virtues within me.
So this is my experience that I thought I would share. And just as music helps you, music helped me.
Other things helped me besides music; I’m willing to say more if you would like.
I was fortunate enough to have some wise adult friends convince me that I needed a full-time corporate job to help support my music. I was blessed to be successful in BOTH fields. I made it to the Hall of Fame & also reached mid-level executive management in corporate America.
Now in my senior years, I am trying to "give back" to those that helped me - and have written an encouraging book about many of my trials & successes.
It's called "My Journey in the Shadow of "The King". It is on Amazon - both eBook on Kindle & Paperback.
Hang in there it really CAN get better...if you stay positive and keep trying to move forward. Never give up! Let me know if you would like to know more.