Children Of Divorced Parents Support Group
This community is for the children of divorce, both for adult children who have lived through a divorce as well as parents concerned about the effects of divorce on their children. Share your story and get advice in this support group, where there are others going through similar challenges.
There doesn't seem to be a group for adults whose parents divorced (or are separated), so I thought I'd post here. If this is the wrong place to do so, please just let me know so I can take down my post.
I feel like I'm sort of going through the motions, I don't quite know what to do. I don't feel much really. But I don't want to see my dad (he left after 25 years of marriage). Plus I've gained weight (I have struggled with an eating disorder for around 10 years, and right now it is in an overeating direction) and I'm embarrassed because my dad is an athlete. I feel like he'd be ashamed of me or not like me anyway. So what's the point? He says he misses me, but he's totally getting on with his life, and my mom is a mess.
It's christmas soon, and I don't know what to do about it. My dad wants me and my sister (both of us are adults) to be with his family for christmas eve afternoon. But I really don't want to come home to my mom sobbing. Plus, I always end up feeling bad anyway because I don't click with them and I'm an introvert, and there's going to be a lot of food. Their all going to think that I'm disgusting. Sorry, this is sort of spilling over into eating disorder territory. I don't know what to do.
I feel like I'm sort of going through the motions, I don't quite know what to do. I don't feel much really. But I don't want to see my dad (he left after 25 years of marriage). Plus I've gained weight (I have struggled with an eating disorder for around 10 years, and right now it is in an overeating direction) and I'm embarrassed because my dad is an athlete. I feel like he'd be ashamed of me or not like me anyway. So what's the point? He says he misses me, but he's totally getting on with his life, and my mom is a mess.
It's christmas soon, and I don't know what to do about it. My dad wants me and my sister (both of us are adults) to be with his family for christmas eve afternoon. But I really don't want to come home to my mom sobbing. Plus, I always end up feeling bad anyway because I don't click with them and I'm an introvert, and there's going to be a lot of food. Their all going to think that I'm disgusting. Sorry, this is sort of spilling over into eating disorder territory. I don't know what to do.
I too am struggling with this right now. My mother left my father after 27 years of marriage in May and moved across the country. She got into a really strange weight loss program, was on and off all sorts of weird medications, and this guy she used to know basically targeted her and convinced her to leave my dad because he thought she'd get a lot of money in the divorce. She stole over 25k from my dad's account, and is completely dragging out the divorce process trying to get her grubby hands on everything. My dad never once abused her emotionally, physically, or verbally. She has no leg to stand on, but she's convinced herself this is her "eat pray love" moment. No one in the family speaks to her anymore.
If you don't want to see or talk to your Dad, then don't. I've learned that all relationships that aren't positive in my life right now really aren't worth pursuing. I don't want to let my mom back into my life (I've blocked her number) - any contact I have with her would probably just validate the delusion she's living with. I've spent a lot of time getting even closer to my family (my dad's family is all dead, but me and him have gotten VERY close to her family i.e. my uncle, my grandma, etc since this happened). We all sort of bonded together in this feeling of being abandoned. So my advice is to gather a group of people around you who are supportive and loving and lean on each other.
I too, like you, am worried about Christmas. It'll be the first one without her. It's incredibly painful because we were so close before she went off the deep end - I feel like so many of my holiday memories revolve around the fun traditions we had together. But know this, dreamer, you can make new traditions for yourself. Things change, its sad and its awful, but a few Christmases from now, this will feel like the new normal.
xo