I feel the exact same way, however, just being around her triggers my anger issues because she never defended me as a child nor does she now as a full grown adult. I realized that some people you try to get love from and they just don't know how to give it because they don't have it in them. Also, people generally don't change unless they know they have a problem. My mother is never wrong and when I tell her I feel hurt or abandoned she gets defensive and say, "well, I didn't have to have you because your father almost killed me"...no sense of compassion. I have attracted most of my life men who are emotionally or physically unavailable and stayed with them much longer than I should have because of my fear of abandonment. Trust your intuition, it's never wrong. If you feel bad around her, like I do, there's a reason for it. I only get along with my mother when she is miles away from me and we communicate via email. I need to sage myself after being in her presence because I feel awful. Sending love to these people from a distance through prayer or your spiritual guides I have found is the best way to "love " them. There is a phrase that goes, "when you do the same thing over and over and expect different results it's called insanity". We are trying over and over to get the love we never got, but you can't get blood from a stone

I am in the same exact boat and I moved 3000 miles away to get away from her. When I go home and invite her to lunch she tells me I have to rent a car to drive to see her after spending $500 on a flight home. She wont even jump in her damn car. Do not feel guilty this is your own life. If people wanna call you the black sheep, let them. I hear you and i support you. And you are not crazy for feeling this way at all.

I realize I'm responding to some really old posts here. But I am in tears reading your situations and knowing I'm not alone. Im 48 years old and have had so many of the same issues you all describe...bad relationships, low self-esteem, extreme anxiety, etc. I was able to distance myself from my mom somewhat and make healthy boundaries for many years. She has recently become very ill and the extreme mania is back with it. Her diagnosis is hyponatremia (low blood sodium and kidney failure) caused by years on psychiatric meds. The remedy is for her to go off her meds. It's a living nightmare from my childhood all over again. All my other siblings wrote her off years ago because of all their resentment and their own mental health problems. I'm the only one she has at this point and I am a wreck becuase of her crazy behavior. Our last encounter, I was so rageful and was screaming right back at her. I scared myself. My husband is telling me I need to stay away but I feel so terrible because she is so physically sick as well. She is supposed to come and stay with us for a while because she can't be alone but my husband is refusing. I don't feel like I can abandon her like the others but I'm making myself sick.

I meditate and pray everyday and try to take it a day at a time but I am so stressed about it. Thanks for listening.

I am also the "black sheep" and my mothers worst trigger. I have finally gotten to the point that I truly do not care what other people think about my relationship with her. I know what is best for me- and not being verbally abused by her seems like the right thing! Ha ha of course! I just realize that some people will not understand but they are also not in my situation and haven't heard and seen the things that I have. Stay strong and do what is best for you. Thats really the only way to find happiness.

Wow... it feels like I could have written these posts. 40 years old, also was the 'black sheep', cause of all her problems, the sight or a word of me would trigger her off, I moved to another continent, initiated and persistently defended no-contact boundaries, have therapy,...but still suffer from 36 years of abuse (the direct abuse has been blocked for the past years).

I still face people who can't believe or understand my no-contact stand. In their eyes - the problem lies with me - not being kind, not forgiving, she's your mother after all, uou must be so hard hearted, ... sometimes I might hear it from others, sometimes the thoughts are my own.

Thanks to her, I will always doubt myself, no matter how much self-awareness, therapy, distance. The no-contact prevents new scars, prevents old scars from being burst open for the millionth time... but the old scars, healed and closed, they still sting, ache or pinch every so often... I think even when she is dead, I will not escape her. Only when I die....

My daughter will never be exposed to her. I feel sorry for my nephew. I hope to bring up my daughther to recognise and avoid these situations.