Childless Not By Choice Community Group
This group is for people who after years of trying to conceive or for medical reasons never got to have children.
I'd like that start out stating that I am so blessed and happyful with my life. I have a fantastic, loving family. My husband loves me for me (the good the bad and the ugly), is a hard worker and is loyal. I have wonderful friends. And I have a nice job. Ok, all that said, I feel like I'm faking my way sometimes. My husband and I have been married 8 years. We have been trying to have children for about 4 1/2 years. About a year ago I decided I couldn't continue seeing our infertility specialist and going on with different treatments. I emotionally could not do it anymore. It was consuming me. Well, I feel like I don't recognize who I am sometimes. For example, one of my friends is prego with her 4th (unplanned) and I can't be around her. I love her and she has done nothing wrong. But because of my own "baby-issues" I can't bear to be in her presence. Isn't that horrible? I have become closer with friends that are in their 40s and 50s (I"m 28) because I don't have to deal with their little kids tagging around or whatever. All my other friends are in their 20s or early 30s. They all have kids. But I recently realized that I have gravitated to my older friends because it is easier to be around the ones that have older kids or no kids at all (which I currently only have one friend that doesn't have kids). My husband is being as supportive and understanding as he can, but frankly he has no clue. And he knows that. I feel like I can't even talk to him about it anymore. I don't want to burden him and stress him out. We discussed adoption and that is not something he feels comfortable with. And I can respect that. Next...my job. I am a preschool and child care administrator. This job bring so much joy and the kid's hugs and smiling faces are by far the best part of the job. But the continual "When are you going to have kids?" question and strange looks when people realize I don't have kids is really hard. No one knows that I don't have kids because I can't, They just think my husband and I are waiting. Which, technically, we are. I suppose I joined this group because I have no one else to share this stuff with. And even if I did share, not one of my friends can truly relate or understand. They have no idea. The range of emotions is incredible. I feel like I have to fake that I am ok, when I'm not.
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Welcome! Feeling fake is such a lonely place to be. When I was in my mid 20s I worked as a teacher at a Christian pre-school center in AZ. I didn't have children of my own, and I really wasn't expected to as a single woman, but I still longed for a child. I did find extreme pressure to be married and start having kids. I got so attached to a few of the children. It almost felt like they were my own. I had to eventually quit. It was just too painful raising other peoples kids. I promised myself I would never care for anyones kids until I had my own. None of my family understood my pain. Now that I'm in my 40s, it isn't as easy as it seems. Most of my friends are grandparents now or have grown children. It is definitely lonely. I'm sorry your hubby isn't very supportive. Traditionally, the man's job was to provide for the family. The woman's was to bear children and tend the home. As I've said in the past, the only way for women to prove their worth is to give birth. It's like as soon as people know you've popped out a baby you've finally joined the "club". Without that, we'll always be an outsider, feeling fake. I guess men just don't understand because if he has a job, he's proven himself as a man. God bless you and your husband. I'll pray for you in your struggle.
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