Child Support & Custody Support Group
This community is dedicated to those involved in child support and custody cases. There are a myriad of challenges involved in any case and this is a safe place to talk about what you're going through with others who may be going through the same. Join the group and seek advice, find or provide a listening ear, or just share your feelings in this support group.
This is a very long story of a 5 & 1/2 year custody battle that seems to have no end. So, to make it short, my husband and I have been attempting to get the court to give us 50% time-sharing of his biological children for all this time. We have tried giving his ex-wife countless parenting plans that have an even split of time to no avail. At this point, we are at a loss. I am looking into pro-bono and sliding scale lawyers, as we really do not have a lot of money, but I am not so sure we will be able to afford even a sliding scale. These are the important bullet points:
- We want more equal time-sharing (currently at a 37/63 split, with her having more)
- We want her to stop doing things such as keeping the kids at events, even if it is only 10-15 minutes extra, because we don't agree to pick them up at a different location other than her house (the parenting plan says we meet at each other's house)
- We want her to stop taking the kids out of school or keeping them out the whole day because we don't agree to give her extra time
- We want field trips to be offered first to the biological mother and father before the stepparents (myself and her husband) get the option to go
- We want everything in black-and-white because of all the past conflict
- We want extracurriculars to not interfere with our already limited time
My question isare we asking for too much? I feel like this is pretty standard requests, but because of her responses I am starting to question it. Also, we are in the middle of another round with the court and mediation got nowhere. Thus, we are trying to determine if we should get an extra job to hire a lawyer, request a guardian ad litem, or request a parenting coordinator through the court to be our full-time mediator. Every time we come to an agreement on something she will not sign or confirm in writing, and later says she never agreed. I am just confused on what to do next.
Lastly, my husband is eligible for child support from her, but we are not sure if we should file for it. It seems like it will just make her even more angry and disagreeable. We try not to make her angry as much as possible, for the kid's sake; however, giving up on an even time-sharing schedule is simply not an option because we feel it is best for them to have more time with their father (especially when they are constantly asking for it and upset that they do not get to be with us more). Any advice would be greatly appreciated. We just want to settle this once and for all.
- We want more equal time-sharing (currently at a 37/63 split, with her having more)
- We want her to stop doing things such as keeping the kids at events, even if it is only 10-15 minutes extra, because we don't agree to pick them up at a different location other than her house (the parenting plan says we meet at each other's house)
- We want her to stop taking the kids out of school or keeping them out the whole day because we don't agree to give her extra time
- We want field trips to be offered first to the biological mother and father before the stepparents (myself and her husband) get the option to go
- We want everything in black-and-white because of all the past conflict
- We want extracurriculars to not interfere with our already limited time
My question isare we asking for too much? I feel like this is pretty standard requests, but because of her responses I am starting to question it. Also, we are in the middle of another round with the court and mediation got nowhere. Thus, we are trying to determine if we should get an extra job to hire a lawyer, request a guardian ad litem, or request a parenting coordinator through the court to be our full-time mediator. Every time we come to an agreement on something she will not sign or confirm in writing, and later says she never agreed. I am just confused on what to do next.
Lastly, my husband is eligible for child support from her, but we are not sure if we should file for it. It seems like it will just make her even more angry and disagreeable. We try not to make her angry as much as possible, for the kid's sake; however, giving up on an even time-sharing schedule is simply not an option because we feel it is best for them to have more time with their father (especially when they are constantly asking for it and upset that they do not get to be with us more). Any advice would be greatly appreciated. We just want to settle this once and for all.
I'll give you my 2 cents by bullet point:
50/50: Some states it's almost automatic now, some it's almost hopeless
Keeping kids at events: Being 10/15 minutes late is unlikely to become an issue...my advice is to give up on it. Or just agree to pick the kids up at the event.
Taking the kids out of School: IF you can prove that she's doing this...you can possibly get full 100% custody. This amounts to child abuse. And is your strongest point. IF you can prove it, I wouldn't "use" it right away, but use it as a lever. The catch to that is...if she does it repeatedly, you need to call the school and let them know. It's a bit like knowing that she's beating the kid and you're not doing anything about it either. So CAREFUL on that one. Get advice from a lawyer.
Field trips: Why can't everyone go along? Schools are usually begging for chaperons? Make the school aware of your email and let them know that you want to be kept abreast of all events
Black and white: Absolutely, sounds good, but don't expect it to all end up that way. The more rigid you are, the more she's likely to be 5-10 minutes late...just to annoy the crap out of you...that's just human nature. Without being catty...do it back to her.
Extracurriculars: This depends on your state. I'm in Pennsylvania. My time with the kids is my time. His time is his time. I can't tell him what to do with his time. He can't tell me what to do with mine. If only one parent can go, call the school to find out their policy....that will give you at least a starting point.
So I can (not that I have...but I could) have the kids with babysitters for 100% of my time...and that's okay. It could be the day of the big recital...and if he doesn't want to take the kids on his time...that's okay.
I have to feed the kids, clothe them, make sure that they wear their seat belts/ bike helmets, and get them to school. That's about it. I can dress them in matching pink sweatsuits...(I've actually used the idea as a punishment...and it worked!)...and that's okay.
Remember this about a parenting agreement. It's not a "law". The police aren't going to "enforce" it (beyond making a parent turn over custody). The more complicated you make it, the more likely it will be to be broken on a regular basis...and then the whole thing becomes pointless.
So focus on the big point that you want 50/50 custody. And you'll have to find out what your state or even local opinion is on extracurriculars.
That part was supposed to be under the field trip category. Sorry for any confusion.
if you have any time with your kids these days, that is a miracle.
second, prayer is the most powerful energy on earth. and you must be a spiritual person as no one could make it thu 5 1/2 years of this without prayer, unless, you know, THEY wanted to make an agenda out of it.
my dummies, for that is what they are, second guess every thing I do now. nothing is without focus group and a mock up and psych out.
they psych out my going to the toilet.
'what could she mean by this?"
"is she going to try and use this in court?'
"how did she sit down?'
'she's prob going to try and say she was abused into going, no wait, you,'
they are not very smart, and these paid state agents live in their dumbness.
they have a 'state' thing they do, where they all 'act' retarded. it is like part of the local color.
well.
somehow, I ended up the gifted child in the special needs of their mind,, trying to win custody back against THIS machine. I honestly am at my end about it. separation from the children alone is enough grief to ruin the mind let alone the body, and they know this, but then they help themselves to your reputation, your privacy, your dignity, and then, the rest of your savings.
if that is not enough, they run block on your newer relationship, if you are even allowed one.
so, now without sex for a long long time, and hindered in the workplace as is common fact, you do not advance as you could.
I am so sad about the loss of my children, missing them beyond description, and forced to deal with the special needs of the servants of this state, I am crippled beyond decription, and that is from someone who is nearly mute some days unless I do set exercises which some days with court and so weiter I don't even have time to do.
oh, I speak german if you ask them, but that is a joke over in Germany.
so yes i am disabled, but that wouldn't even be an issue if I were able to access my child since birth jenny berry, who's hand is so ugly that you would cringe if you saw it, and yet, she is allowed access to her two children.
okay. that is enough for now. you guys take care.