I went to our first mediation about 3 weeks ago.. I was sooo nervous... i found myself in the waiting area with my ex( who is an illegal immigrant and with Stage 5 kidney disease), his sister(who hates me to death) and his lawyer... I panicked and texted my lawyer "Where are you".. The mediator called us in. and i walked in and my ex walked in and his lawyer walked in... I felt like i was being cornered. The lawyer started talking about the situation... making me look like i was a bad mom, that i abandoned my kids... and blah blah blah... I was very upset crying my eyes out because my lawyer was not present to back me up on my interests. No agreement was made... I stood firm... I give me that credit...
Mediator put in a recommendation that the kids should remain in custody with the father and that i was only allow to see them friday through Sunday and the following week Thursday through Saturday afternoon... I was soooo angry that she took his side!!!
This past friday my lawyer and my ex's lawyer got together so try to arrange something for us.... It turns out the ball is on my ex's court.... They want 50/50 one week off and one week on...and first right of refusal.... and blah blah... Now i have to make a decision to agree or to disagree.... or to not pay a single dime more (as my lawyer said) or pay the rest of the money and go to court only to find myself possibly in the same situation. of a 50/50 custody..... I dont know what to do... My kids are 3 and 1 and they still need their mother... and they need to be with me cause they need nurturing and love... and i am not saying they dont need their father but primarily they need to be with me....

I just dont know what to do....