Child Support & Custody Support Group
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Ok so heads up this is going to be long winded but i have to explain everything starting from my childhood to express the whole situation. I do not have friends or family I can talk to or tell ever detail to and get some real feed back. Please take the time and read it and help me.
Little bit of history, I grew up in a house that was full of mental, physical and sexual abuse. Not the ordinary abuse but severe (Not so much physical towards me but extreme sexual abuse from my father (who is currently in jail for his 23rd rape/child molestation charge) and his friends. So when I turned 13 I left home and couch surfed. My father always taught me how to use my looks to get what ever I needed.
When I was 16 I decided to hitchhike across country on my own and was picked up by a truck driver that was 25. He showed me alot of kindness and did not try to sleep with me which confused me but made me happy and I felt safe. After he dropped me off 5 provinces over we parted ways. I called him 2 weeks later because I needed a ride to a different province. Because of how kind he was to me I was attracted to him. One thing led to another and 2 days into the trip we were now a "couple" . We decided I was to live with him. 1 month later we found out I was pregnant. He told me I should have a abortion and sent me back home to my parents house. 8 months later I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I contacted his father when he was 5 days old to let him know that I didn't have the abortion. He took the 2 hour trip and came to meet our son. He visited for a hour then left. For the next year I called him trying to get him to be a father to our son. He always had a excuse as to why he couldn't make it last minute. So I am 17 on my own on welfare with a baby. No family support except my one childhood friend.
I got a job when my son turned one and when he was 2 I started dating a guy. (By this time his father started seeing him every 2nd weekend because I gave him a paternity test) My bf at the time was not working so he would watch my son while I was at work. One day I gave him the rent money to pay the rent which he decided it would be more fun to go and put it up his and my good friends nose and we got evicted. With no where to go except my parents house I asked my sons father to take him for a year until I got back on my feet (I lost everything I owned in the eviction furniture, clothes everything) I did not want to bring my son into the world of chaos that I grew up in. So we signed court papers saying that he would be with him and we would re-evaluate in a year. I saw my son every weekend and talked to him daily.
When I got myself back into a house I tried to get him back but his father pulled a fast one on me and had tricked me into signing over custody, he wouldn't let him come home to me except visits. This went on until he was 9. Because of my families history and my income compared to his income and family I didn't stand a chance in court. My brother turned into a extreme drug addict criminal like the rest of my family (except my mom) and he was not allowed in my home or around my children. I didn't drink or do drugs. My mother was my live in nanny for my youngest son who was 5 years younger then my other boy, When my son was 9 my mother asked if my brother could come to the house for a visit. I said absolutely not we argued for a bit about this and I told her he is not to be in my home or even know what my children look like. She had him over anyways one day when I was at work and my oldest son was there. He went back to his fathers house on a Sunday as normal and that was the last time I have seen him. His father told me because my brother had come to the house my son is not allowed there anymore. At that point I didn't even know he had been there.
With my extensive history of abuse from men I was not good at standing up for myself or knowing how to be assertive towards men. His father stopped taking my calls, emails, or text. They lived 2 hours away so I did not know exactly where they lived because we always met somewhere for pick up and drop off so I couldn't show up there. I couldn't afford a lawyer, police wouldn't help there was nothing I could do.finally 3 years later i caught a break and found out what school my son was attending and I showed up on his birthday to his school, but he moved 2 weeks before and because I did not have a copy of the court order the school would not release any information.
For the next year and a half I kept searching I got a copy of the court order stating we have joint custody. I found him on facebook and tried to message him but his account was locked down and it wouldn't allow me to but I seen on his profile what school he went to. I immediately called the school and asked to speak with him. He got on the phone and I froze. I told him it was me and that I have been trying to contact him for 4 and a half years. Because he was in class I couldn't keep him on the phone I asked him to send me a message on facebook and add me so we could talk. That night I got a long email from his account saying he didn't want me to contact him again if he wants a relationship with me he will get a hold of me until then do not call or message.
I didn't believe the message was from him I thought his father wrote it. (keep in mind this whole 4.5 years i had been emailing and calling at least once a week without fail). So his dad went to Family Maintenance enforcement program and filed for back ^pay in child support since he went to live with him. I got a bill for twenty nine thousand dollars. They told me If I gave up my rights to my son I wouldn't have to pay. But there was no way that was going to happen my son is worth more then that and I have it almost totally paid off I am down to $500. To me if I gave up my rights so I didn't have to pay the money that would show my son he was not worth it.
Ok so now to the present.... This Christmas I finally got a idea. I would buy my son a cell phone with my number stored in it and write him a letter telling him how much I loved him and I have been trying for 5 years to get in contact with me. That the phone is his I will pay the bill no matter if he wanted to talk to me or not. Christmas ever I received a package with the phone (battery and sim card removed) and a hand written letter from my son saying he wants nothing to do with me. I ditched him to move to another province and he has his real mother (his fathers wife) and told me I have hurt him more then breaking his back would feel and not to contact him again. If he wants to one day he will contact me. If I contact him again that day will never come.
He is now 14 and his father has told him that I just decided one day to up and move provinces and i didn't want to see him and I didn't love him. I don't blame my son for believing him or being upset but that is not the case at all. I NEVER gave up for a second. I am at a loss now of what to do. How do I get through to him that I love him and I didn't do the things he thought I did. That it was his father who wouldn't let me see him. I have all the over 700 emails saved of me begging to see him. But he wont even talk to me for me to show him. Thank you for sticking through and reading this, please please please someone give me some advice. I am a good mother, despite my childhood I beat the odds I have a college degree in pharmacy, I have my youngest son who is now 9 and married to an amazing man going on 5 years now. I am not some dead beat. I don't drink, do drugs or even go out. My life is my son and husband. But I need my son back. How do I get through to him without the risk of loosing him forever?
Oh one more thing to add. 8 months after his father stopped letting me see him I did leave the province for a month and half to help my best friend since I was 5 recover from brain surgery (she didn't end up making it) and that was the only time i left the province. Thanks again for listening I need help. I have been so upset over all of this I have lost over 50 pounds (since the end of nov) I can't eat, sleep or have fun anymore. I can't go on like this anymore.
Little bit of history, I grew up in a house that was full of mental, physical and sexual abuse. Not the ordinary abuse but severe (Not so much physical towards me but extreme sexual abuse from my father (who is currently in jail for his 23rd rape/child molestation charge) and his friends. So when I turned 13 I left home and couch surfed. My father always taught me how to use my looks to get what ever I needed.
When I was 16 I decided to hitchhike across country on my own and was picked up by a truck driver that was 25. He showed me alot of kindness and did not try to sleep with me which confused me but made me happy and I felt safe. After he dropped me off 5 provinces over we parted ways. I called him 2 weeks later because I needed a ride to a different province. Because of how kind he was to me I was attracted to him. One thing led to another and 2 days into the trip we were now a "couple" . We decided I was to live with him. 1 month later we found out I was pregnant. He told me I should have a abortion and sent me back home to my parents house. 8 months later I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. I contacted his father when he was 5 days old to let him know that I didn't have the abortion. He took the 2 hour trip and came to meet our son. He visited for a hour then left. For the next year I called him trying to get him to be a father to our son. He always had a excuse as to why he couldn't make it last minute. So I am 17 on my own on welfare with a baby. No family support except my one childhood friend.
I got a job when my son turned one and when he was 2 I started dating a guy. (By this time his father started seeing him every 2nd weekend because I gave him a paternity test) My bf at the time was not working so he would watch my son while I was at work. One day I gave him the rent money to pay the rent which he decided it would be more fun to go and put it up his and my good friends nose and we got evicted. With no where to go except my parents house I asked my sons father to take him for a year until I got back on my feet (I lost everything I owned in the eviction furniture, clothes everything) I did not want to bring my son into the world of chaos that I grew up in. So we signed court papers saying that he would be with him and we would re-evaluate in a year. I saw my son every weekend and talked to him daily.
When I got myself back into a house I tried to get him back but his father pulled a fast one on me and had tricked me into signing over custody, he wouldn't let him come home to me except visits. This went on until he was 9. Because of my families history and my income compared to his income and family I didn't stand a chance in court. My brother turned into a extreme drug addict criminal like the rest of my family (except my mom) and he was not allowed in my home or around my children. I didn't drink or do drugs. My mother was my live in nanny for my youngest son who was 5 years younger then my other boy, When my son was 9 my mother asked if my brother could come to the house for a visit. I said absolutely not we argued for a bit about this and I told her he is not to be in my home or even know what my children look like. She had him over anyways one day when I was at work and my oldest son was there. He went back to his fathers house on a Sunday as normal and that was the last time I have seen him. His father told me because my brother had come to the house my son is not allowed there anymore. At that point I didn't even know he had been there.
With my extensive history of abuse from men I was not good at standing up for myself or knowing how to be assertive towards men. His father stopped taking my calls, emails, or text. They lived 2 hours away so I did not know exactly where they lived because we always met somewhere for pick up and drop off so I couldn't show up there. I couldn't afford a lawyer, police wouldn't help there was nothing I could do.finally 3 years later i caught a break and found out what school my son was attending and I showed up on his birthday to his school, but he moved 2 weeks before and because I did not have a copy of the court order the school would not release any information.
For the next year and a half I kept searching I got a copy of the court order stating we have joint custody. I found him on facebook and tried to message him but his account was locked down and it wouldn't allow me to but I seen on his profile what school he went to. I immediately called the school and asked to speak with him. He got on the phone and I froze. I told him it was me and that I have been trying to contact him for 4 and a half years. Because he was in class I couldn't keep him on the phone I asked him to send me a message on facebook and add me so we could talk. That night I got a long email from his account saying he didn't want me to contact him again if he wants a relationship with me he will get a hold of me until then do not call or message.
I didn't believe the message was from him I thought his father wrote it. (keep in mind this whole 4.5 years i had been emailing and calling at least once a week without fail). So his dad went to Family Maintenance enforcement program and filed for back ^pay in child support since he went to live with him. I got a bill for twenty nine thousand dollars. They told me If I gave up my rights to my son I wouldn't have to pay. But there was no way that was going to happen my son is worth more then that and I have it almost totally paid off I am down to $500. To me if I gave up my rights so I didn't have to pay the money that would show my son he was not worth it.
Ok so now to the present.... This Christmas I finally got a idea. I would buy my son a cell phone with my number stored in it and write him a letter telling him how much I loved him and I have been trying for 5 years to get in contact with me. That the phone is his I will pay the bill no matter if he wanted to talk to me or not. Christmas ever I received a package with the phone (battery and sim card removed) and a hand written letter from my son saying he wants nothing to do with me. I ditched him to move to another province and he has his real mother (his fathers wife) and told me I have hurt him more then breaking his back would feel and not to contact him again. If he wants to one day he will contact me. If I contact him again that day will never come.
He is now 14 and his father has told him that I just decided one day to up and move provinces and i didn't want to see him and I didn't love him. I don't blame my son for believing him or being upset but that is not the case at all. I NEVER gave up for a second. I am at a loss now of what to do. How do I get through to him that I love him and I didn't do the things he thought I did. That it was his father who wouldn't let me see him. I have all the over 700 emails saved of me begging to see him. But he wont even talk to me for me to show him. Thank you for sticking through and reading this, please please please someone give me some advice. I am a good mother, despite my childhood I beat the odds I have a college degree in pharmacy, I have my youngest son who is now 9 and married to an amazing man going on 5 years now. I am not some dead beat. I don't drink, do drugs or even go out. My life is my son and husband. But I need my son back. How do I get through to him without the risk of loosing him forever?
Oh one more thing to add. 8 months after his father stopped letting me see him I did leave the province for a month and half to help my best friend since I was 5 recover from brain surgery (she didn't end up making it) and that was the only time i left the province. Thanks again for listening I need help. I have been so upset over all of this I have lost over 50 pounds (since the end of nov) I can't eat, sleep or have fun anymore. I can't go on like this anymore.
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