His income stands alone. They are not your children, and you are not financially responsible for them.

Yeah, your income isn't on the table.

If his income went down because of the recession, why didn't he get the CS order modified? Nothing you can do about what payments he's missed but he should get the order modified ASAP.

When you say you are "with" him do you mean married or are the two of you just living together? I have heard of CS payments not really taking both or your incomes into account, however the fact that his situation is better by living with you may weigh in on a Judge's mind when making a decision.

What is her situation? is she married or living with someone?

We are not married and I make an okay steady income. His ex is alone and has no one. It is about the kid's welfare and while my Jim was unemployed I didn't mind filling in as the child support was not a big sum to handle.

My concern is that if MY little condo and income does come into play that the settlement does become a big sum and my burden.

She is suddenly acting up and demanding more money. She sent a registered letter saying don't call your 14 year old son, you can only talk to me, but send more money or else (?). She has full custody and Jim can't afford a lawyer and she seems so nice on the outside yet so hostile to Jim and I. I stay out of it as not to make it worse.

It's like crushed glass in our heart to not have contact and told her so.

I strongly advise figuring out how to get a lawyer into this. She cannot blackmail you for support with visitation; courts won't stand for that.

If you can get an atty involved, I think you can 1) get more custody time and 2) get support reduced. If you are willing to keep paying more than she is entitled to, the court looks on that favorably in figuring custody.

More advise then please? I'm a nice person but she has turned this child against his father for no good reason at all. Jim has tried so hard and the child lives a 4 hour drive away.

Would mediation be a good route or should be just spend the $ and get a lawyer and go to court and force visitation? We can barely afford much now so every penny must be used wisely. He has never been to court but way in the beginning where she got full custody and he was so beat. He has fight now.

If your man's decree includes "liberal phone calls" or anything along those lines for contact she is in contempt if she blocks it from happening and he can document it, tell him to get a digital voice recorder for when he calls to record it.

Satcom is right, parenting time and CS are two different things, set in the decree. If he is paying the amount ordered at this time then he has nothing to worry about, if she alters his parenting time either by phone or physical visitation she will be in contempt.

I am not sure what your exact situation is, but if he has been paying somewhat of a "reduced" support, meaning less than he could have by a chart or by income reporting, then living with you may be what his ex is banking on, by saying he got a reduced rate of CS but he is living with someone who helps him financially, she may get the court to up his to standard rates because of that, but I am reaching here since I don't have that information. When you said it wasn't a burden for you to pay it that made me think maybe it is reduced.

Each state has their own set of parenting guidelines and I would guess that all of them state that the custodial parent CANNOT interfere with telephone calls or visitation. I know it is that way in Indiana. Child support cannot be figured on your income or assets. The judge cannot just make that decision either since it is based off of a state child support calculation worksheet. It doesn't matter if you make 200,00 a year, your income is safe. His household obligations are not considered in calculating support. Income of both parents, who pays insurance for child and if there are any other biological children of the person paying support, and the number of overnight visits is how CS is calculated. I hope this helps

Thanks for all your words everyone, they have been a big help.

So, Steph, what you are saying is that the judge considers BOTH custodial parent and other parents' income? So if the custodial parent is doing really well and the other parent is just scraping by (because we have been living on credit and paying child support) then there will be no winfall here for her.

And you guys are right, damn it, it is blackmail. Jim's order says 'reasonable access' and she has cut him off completely saying it is his son's wish.

Will mediation work or is that not enforceable?

mediation vs arbitration

i found my own answer

mediation is a non-binding agreement.

That just won't solve our problem.

The way child support is calculated follows guidelines from the federal government. Every state puts their own twist on it but it is basically designed to be fairly non-subjective. They put some stuff into a computer and out pops a number.

The inputs to CS are always Gross Income and % Custody Time. These two factors can change things a lot. Theoretically, if both parents make the same and share 50/50 custody then there is no CS. Once you deviate from that, CS starts. So say you had 50/50 but dad makes $100K and mom makes $50K. Dad is going to be writing some checks to mom. Note that if mom makes more, then the checks go the other. Say both parents make $100K but custody is 80/20 with mom at 80%. Dad is then going to write checks to mom because the kids spend more time with her.

Your income is completely irrelevant even if you get married.

"Mediation" varies by where you are. In some cases it is advisory only. In some cases the court has to adopt what the mediator says. You need to find out what the story is in your jurisdiction. Where I live, if the parents can't agree, you are actually sent to a "Mediator" who works for the Court. The Mediator makes a recommendation back to the Court and the Judge can accept that, modify it, or throw it out the window but in all cases you have to go through that mediation step.

Thanks for the post, Satcom. Oh, she has been in contempt for a long time. He has been given 'reasonable access" and she has given him no access. Her lastest is a letter saying that his son wishes that he doesn't want his father to phone anymore so please respect his wishes and if Jim wants to know about how he is doing to call her on her cell phone (and didn't leave a number). And please don't be rude to her anymore.

We have decided to go ahead and let her take us to court. If it costs more then so be it. Jim will get his parental rights back. I have pages and pages and pages of him calling the house and no return calls. (don't worry, it is months and months worth, not per day like some psycho)

Thanks again