I think you are doing the right thing. You never want to critize the other parent or put them down in any way in front of the kids. I am not sure that "sugar coating" it is the right thing tho. SHe is only 6 so she doesn't really understand what is going on and she is prolly blaming herself. I find with my own children, who are 6 and 10 that honesty is the best way. I don't add anything about what I am feeling but I don't lie to them. Keep in mind that if they can ask you soemthing then they are old enough to understand the answer. Hope that helps.

I don't know if this helps, but my cousins had a father that after the divorce never cared to see them, never spent time with them,never paid child support...his many girlfriends took care of them when they visited their father, the list goes on and on. He eventually moved back to the town he was from across the US from them. They flew to that state to see family, and he was supposed to meet them at the airport because they had not seen their father in over 2 years. My aunt, the mom, lost her temper a little bit and was calling the father and getting very upset. My cousin, who was 12 at the time, said "Mom, you have NEVER said anything bad about Dad. We know how he is. We respect the fact that you are nothing like him. Don't start now." All those years of my aunt keeping her opinion to herself....the kids knew. And they loved their mother for how she handled it. Jitrbugg is right. Don't sugar coat it. Be honest and don't let your feelings color it. Kids know. They also know who they look up to. Good luck.

You are doing the right thing and don't second guess yourself. Never bad mouth another parent. Trust me, I know it would be so nice too because it is "us" who are working so hard to provide a nice, healthy, stable and loving environment but it is not the thing to do. Also, don't excuse her actions either. She is old enough to understand the truth to a point, just be gentle with it. But don't lie, never lie to her. Always, tell her the truth, but again gentley and only as much of the truth that she needs to hear. She doesn't need to hear what a low life her mom is and all that junk; she will no doubt later in life, find that out on her own. Many blessings.

I don't know that I'd call his ex a deadbeat mom because she's regularly involved in my SS's life. However, she doesn't pay a penny for him. In fact, the only thing she is responsible for is health insurance, but she gets to claim the boy on her income taxes! I pointed out to my DBF that he needs to claim his son on his own taxes, especially since she has two other children by her second husband and can claim them and this is his only child. His response? "Well, she pays for his health insurance..." Uh... yeah? And I pay for his electricity, water, cable, gas, and food. When am I getting reimbursed? (Of course, I'd never ask him that, but man! He needs to get those taxes from her!)

you don't want to run them down but if they ask anything be honest. Our grand daughter use to ask why mommy didn't show up when she said she would, I would make up excuses for her mom. I don't know but maybe I should have let her know mommy loves you in her way but not made up excuses.
No matter what they will love there mommmy, but they are smart and will see things for there self soon if they haven't already. I know our little one has.

When I say sugar coat I mean that I don't say she cares more about her old man than she cares about her kids. I just tell her that her mom decided to go back with mark. The six year old replied that her mother didn't want to see her and she would rather live with him than talk to her and her brother. Her mom also didn't bother to show up to her birthday because he couldn't come. They both saw him shove her around at the park on Mother's Day and called her names. The six year old brings that up every time she talks about her mom going back. I think I kicked the whole blaming herself thing, I hope.

my 6 year old is way to smart for her age and I would never lie to her. I felt horrible but once when her mom still had custody of her brother, one of the many times she would get mad and keep her brother away , she kept asking why I didn't call them and I told her over and over again that i couldn't because we didn't have her number but as soon as she calls, i will tell you. She started getting mad at me and acting out and finally she asked me again and I told her that her mother has refused to give us her number and that i promised that I really couldn't call and that her mom would have to call us she quit being mad at me. I've never lied to them and noow she accepts my answers as fact so she trusts me and that took a long time. It's sad whats going on but it makes you feel good when you know a kid that's been through so much knows they can count on you to not lie and hurt them.

I have a friend that deals with this. He has full custody of his 2 kids, 11 & 13, boy & girl. Their mom is supposed to pay child support & see the kids once a month with supervised visits and she doesn't do either. They know their mom is a drug addict, he didnt' tell tem, they have seen her do it, she doesn't she the problem in doing drugs around the kids. Hence the reason for supervised visits. The only reason they saw their mom in july was because her grandfather died, and thats the last time she called. She calls randomly and when she does it interrupts their lives. His daughter handles it better, but she's also older. His son is fine until he talks to his mom and then he is just absolutely impossible to deal with. He's a good kid, but he's going to have to go through counselling because he's a mommy's boy, and theres nothing wrong with that except she abandoned him. He has tried to date 2 times but his son some how chases them away. I dont' believe in sugar coating. I wouldn't be blunt and rude in telling her what her mom is doing. Its sad to see parents like this, it effects the kids more then the parents. Just reassure her its nothing she has done, that is the most important thing, she's probably thinking that she did something wrong to make her mom not want her anymore. Just show her what a real mom is, and how much you love her. I can tell that you do love her or you wouldn't be so worried about her. Just be there for her. You are doing everything you can, you can only do so much.

I know it's hard, you're doing the right thing. You're doing great. Just vent here on d.s. it's okay. Hang in there.

sad, isnt it! i am the stepmother to a 6 yr old as well. my 6 yr old has autism, he has many needs. his mother dropped him off at his nannies house a yr ago and told his dad that if he did not take him then she was putting him in an institution. this is after she left dad and took son with her in the middle of the night while dad was at work. anyways, it has been a yr since she did this and in that time i have married adams dad and we have worked very hard with adam who has made progress in leaps and bounds! during all of this time his egg donor deadbeat mom, who by the way, just so happens to be a registered pediatric nurse for the past 20 yrs, has not seen him regularly, does not help pay for his medical bills, which are huge, calls atleast once a week to complain about not seeing him as if we keep her from him and we do not, she will not see him on her court ordered visits, she keeps herself from him. when she calls she has never, not one time in the past yr to say "how is adam, can i talk to him?" not one time! now remember we are talking about a registered nurse that is well aware that a child with autism MUST have routine in his life and believe me when he does see her, it is total hell for him because he relives her walking out on him every time. she over medicates him, even though we only send what he needs she will give it all to him at once and then call to comaplin she didnt get enough meds and bring him home early. she wins the deadbeat mom award hands down! any of you have time to kill just read my journal and see just how bad this woman has treated he son that has autism and has so many mountains to climb already and all she does is make things harder on him, but wait, i must say this, she claims she is a victim of autism!

Be there and love them as you have been. Make plans to spend special time with the kids. Eventually they will stop hurting and their love for you will just continue to grow. It will take a lot of time but it will change. It took my kids 2 years to get to this point with their step dad but they would rather be with him then with my ex. Hang in there it will get better.

I am a grandmother raising kids and my daughter does not have anything to do with the kids. The donors (as I call the parents) have walked infront of my car with the girls crying for them and not even looked back. I try not to say anything infront of the girls, and when they ask about their parents I tell them truthfully that I dont know where they are but that I love them and will always be there to take care of them. Keep your head up and remember that the kids will remember who stood for them and the mother will have some hard questions to answer when the kids are older.