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I don't know if this is the most appropriate forum for this, but here goes...
First, a brief background...
I am the 50yo mother of an 18yo daughter and 15yo son. Their dad and I divorced (mostly due to my alcoholism - I am now sober for 10+ years) when they were 6 and 3 respectively. I was initially granted custody, but my ex petitioned for custody when it became apparent that I was still struggling with my addiction. By that time, he had a live-in girlfriend whom he married shortly thereafter. My ex and his wife have since had 2 children of their own (ages 7 and 3ish).
So my children have lived with their dad and stepmom for about 13 yrs, and have 2 half-siblings. I am extremely grateful that my ex is able to support them (financially) better than I would have been able to, and also that their stepmom has treated them as her own since day one. I am so grateful that my children were able to grow up in a 2-parent home and have younger siblings.
I live about 1 hr away, and when the kids were younger, I would visit them every other weekend or so. I would pick them up at their home on Friday evening, we would check into a hotel and spend the weekend going places, swimming, having fun etc. They would also come visit me and my current husband during the summer (1 week or so) and over long holiday weekends. As the kids grew older, it was harder to make plans, as they have after school jobs and summer jobs, etc. I still attempt to see them once a month, go have lunch, see a movie, etc. I think we are on good terms, my daughter confides in me, my son and I have fun together. I call, text and email during the week, but sometimes it takes a couple of days to get a response. I realize my kids are busy teenagers (my daughter esp - she is going away to college this fall).
My issue is that I am rarely acknowledged on my birthday or for Mother's Day. Mother's Day most of all. I realize that their stepmom has been "mom" to them most of their lives, and I know they celebrate with her. Is it too much to expect that they would call me or send a card? I don't know if I am being over sensitive or not. Maybe I'm just being selfish.
Any input would be greatly appreciated.
First, a brief background...
I am the 50yo mother of an 18yo daughter and 15yo son. Their dad and I divorced (mostly due to my alcoholism - I am now sober for 10+ years) when they were 6 and 3 respectively. I was initially granted custody, but my ex petitioned for custody when it became apparent that I was still struggling with my addiction. By that time, he had a live-in girlfriend whom he married shortly thereafter. My ex and his wife have since had 2 children of their own (ages 7 and 3ish).
So my children have lived with their dad and stepmom for about 13 yrs, and have 2 half-siblings. I am extremely grateful that my ex is able to support them (financially) better than I would have been able to, and also that their stepmom has treated them as her own since day one. I am so grateful that my children were able to grow up in a 2-parent home and have younger siblings.
I live about 1 hr away, and when the kids were younger, I would visit them every other weekend or so. I would pick them up at their home on Friday evening, we would check into a hotel and spend the weekend going places, swimming, having fun etc. They would also come visit me and my current husband during the summer (1 week or so) and over long holiday weekends. As the kids grew older, it was harder to make plans, as they have after school jobs and summer jobs, etc. I still attempt to see them once a month, go have lunch, see a movie, etc. I think we are on good terms, my daughter confides in me, my son and I have fun together. I call, text and email during the week, but sometimes it takes a couple of days to get a response. I realize my kids are busy teenagers (my daughter esp - she is going away to college this fall).
My issue is that I am rarely acknowledged on my birthday or for Mother's Day. Mother's Day most of all. I realize that their stepmom has been "mom" to them most of their lives, and I know they celebrate with her. Is it too much to expect that they would call me or send a card? I don't know if I am being over sensitive or not. Maybe I'm just being selfish.
Any input would be greatly appreciated.
It's hard to say what the kids may or may not be feeling or why they don't acknowledge you on those special days. Maybe it's their age? They might get better at this when they're older.
And I don't think you're being overly sensitive.
I'm sorry I'm at a loss for better words here. (((hugs)))
I would try my best to say I know you may feel such and such but let go from here...I would really feel better if you could send me a card on a day you know may be of an importance...Keep ding your best to break through to them but chances are it will be at an older age before they really appreciate and take the time...
Secondly, the age is a huge factor. They are at that age where sometimes they are thoughtful and sometimes they are completely selfish. It is a 50/50 crap shoot... and can change within a minute which way they are... at least my 18 year old can and does.
I would also ask, have they always been negligent on the cards? My STBX's family never did cards so he never even thought about cards. Since they have lived primarily with him then if this is the case they may have adopted this practice by default.
Try telling them that you would appreciate a card on those days, but also remember that if your relationship is good and you are spending quality time with them and enjoying eachother then that is most important. We are Mothers on more than 1 day and a card or hug for no real reason on a different day always says more to me then one on Mother's day or my birthday.... although I do still like them on those days also =)
Hope this helps some. Happy belated Mother's day!