Whether it's good or not...It depends on some things, like how far apart do you live? If a child can split homes and have space ( a room) in each home, and be close enough to get to school and other functions, then it might work well. But if there is a long drive or the child doesn't have their own space in one parent's home, then it's more of a hardship on the child. There is a lot to weigh.
Whether it's worth fighting... If he is a even a bit of a stand up guy, the judge will probably give the 50/50 because that's the goal of the court. So the fighting might be pointless in the end.
All the best.

Hi Cms... It all depends on the situation.. I personally do not feel a 50/50 arrangement is healthy for a child of school age, at least not week on week off. It interferes with school, emotions, sleep patterns, etc... But that is just my opinion.

My son's biological father abandoned him for the first 8 years of his life, got weekend visitations for a year and half and now has 50/50 custody. This is my son's first school year with this arrangement and his grades have already suffered. Now, this could be due to the fact that he grew up not knowing this man, but regardless, I think a week on week off schedule would mess with many children. Use your best discretion, you know your daughter better than anyone... Do what you feel is best... Best of luck...

I had the same arrangement with my x for alomost a year, one week at my house, the next at hers. I personally believe the children should have quality time to spend with each parent, but this arrangement was not the best IMO. My two kids were 3 and 5 at the time, they lived out of a suitcase, whatever you needed of thiers was at the other house (jackets, shoes, etc...) it was tough to keep them in activities in my case because the x said if she had plans then she wouldn't support anything I signed them up for (sports, after school activities, etc..)

After I got past that point looking back I wouldn't recommend it for the majority of people, there are some that I am sure could make it work for the best but I don't think many could, and IMO a kid needs a home, sad to say, but divorce shouldn't put a kid getting raised in a duffle bag.

I agree with mossyhorn children shouldn't live in a duffle bag. most children need the stability of one main home for security. That's not saying one parent is better than the other. I have learned through my own custody issues and running my daycare (with mainly children of divorce ) it's hard on them I really haven't came across a child that likes this set up. Most won't even say anything in fear of hurting the other parent. I have learned its quality time that's important not necessary quantity. Just my 2 cents. Best of luck :)

I have had this arrangement for the last 6 years with my ex. The kids are 12 and 7 now. While they are used to it and are excelling in school, it's hard on the kids, myself and my partner. It usually takes a couple of days for them to get back in the mode of our home because we have rules whereas they're allowed to be feral at their father's. Because this is the arrangement their father demands, for now it'll stay like this to keep peace. I have a feeling it'll be changing soon as their schools are by my house and my son (12) is in band, accelerated classes and wants to join the track team. He simply isn't going to have time to be 30 minutes away at his father's for a week.

I'm pretty sure I read in an article a few years ago that 1 week on and 1 week off with each parent is not a good idea for young children (under the age of 6 or 8 maybe). I'd google it and see if you can find any research on the effects and benefits of different types of custody. I am just starting the process now and my STBX wanted that but I asked him "do you really not want to see your kids for an entire week, I know I sure the hell don't want that". I proposed that he gets them every Wed and every other weekend and every other Fri (he gets every other weekend and every other Fri off so he'd get them when he is off). He'll also be seeing them every Tues night at swimming. He is mulling that over. I run a dayhome so they are with me during the days as well (well when my son gets out of school). Good luck!

My opinion on the 50/50 custody is that it the best of a bad situation. I am in the New England area, meaning I am a non custodial father, and only see my children about every other weekend. 50/50 would have been wonderful, but we are stuck 30 years in the past here and only the more progressive states do 50/50.

If it turns out that 50/50 truly is bad for the children, and I have never read an article that didn't reak of special interest that apposed it, then there needs to be more custodial fathers, as in, 50% of the custody needs to go to the fathers. Would YOU be OK seeing them every other weekend?

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Every other weekend is not enough time to really bond with the children, and would be basically taking a father away from the children... but only you know the situation. Can the two of you cooperate for the children's better interest?

I think that a 50/50 arrangement can only work if the parents are willing to co parent and are working togethr for the best interests of the kids.

I have seen it work with one of my son's friends. Although they may not agree with one another all the time, they are communicative and cordial with each other.

It would never work with my situation, even if my Ex lived near by

@Nancy...I have friends too that keep it real cordial and are great at the coparenting thing even when they don't agree. They even go and chat during the kids' practices or sporting events, even being in new relationships. I wish my ex would go for that. He doesn't have a place to live, he drives a truck, so when he comes to town the judge ordered that he has to visit them here because he so rarely sees them and that is what is comfortable for the kids as he only comes on days that are convenient for him, so the kids usually are just getting home from school. I cooked dinner and left it all out for them to eat together and retreated to my room leaving them privacy to eat, visit and play video games. I would do whatever it took for my kids to have relationship with my ex, but ex isn't into relationships with anyone. Go figure.

CMS8787, Don't do it! First, how old are the kids? It only matters if they are babies or older then 11 or 13. If they are older, they can usually pick which one of you they want to live with. I did the 50/50 thing and it was a nightmare. I do not think it is good for the children at all. Unless your ex and you get along really and I mean really well, it is very difficult to follow this arrangement. The kids need stability and they need to know where home is. If I had it to do all over again, I would definitely have fought for full legal custody and full physical custody with visitation for him. If you have a good and I mean REALLY good relationship with their dad than you might have better luck than I did. There are so many issues that are going to come up that you were unprepared for and if you guys squabble over anything this arrangement can be a nightmare.. it is still a on going after 7 years!!

I would NOT recommend this type of split. Unless you and your ex-spouse are very compatible and good at co-parenting. I was handed this judgement over 5 years ago. It has ruined my poor child's life. The judge in our case did not look into anything and made this decision. My ex spouse will not communicate AT ALL with me. He bad mouths me constantly and treats our child extremely poor. His new wife is also verbally abusive. It has now come to a point where he has been in an inpatient facility because his life has NO consistency and he ultimately lives 2 separate lives. It is a horrible way to raise a child. Consistency is key to a happy and healthy lifestyle and I don't care what ANY judge thinks. Not all children are strong enough to handle living 2 totally separate lives week on and week off.

Is he a good dad? If yes then work out an arrangement that supports you and him seeing your child. If he's not and this is a custody battle to settle visitation and support, then go for weekends. He gets the children on weekends which normalizes your week and stops it from being chaotic and also gives you that time to rest, recover and plan for the onslaught of parental responsibilities that come with the week responsibilities.
The goal, keep things as normal for you and your child. Create a parenting plan that allows for normalacy to occur. Im a teacher, back and forth is not good for the children- especially if they have a significant other influencing the situation.

I do agree with you that your daughter being unable to have a steady home isn't the best idea. Every child, or human being, needs stability to lead a happy and steady life.

Since I was three years old, I was thrown around between my parents. Back and forth. My dad got three weekends out of the month, and the rest of the time, I was with my mom. I was only with my mom the majority of the time because my dad moved every six months, so sometimes he'd live an hour away, and it was all too much for me to have a stable schooling schedule.

One thing that I wish did happen was I saw my father more. I was a daddy's girl, and missing out on so much time with my favorite person was heartbreaking, even being three, four, even five years old. I just missed him.

I know that one thing, usually, is that when your child is thirteen or older, they can make the decision where they want to stay. That's how it worked with my family and other families I knew going through divorce and split custody.

You have to look at every aspect of the situation at hand, and, depending how old your daughter is, you can ask her opinion on it and possibly fight for what she'd prefer.

I know I was the daughter in the situation, and never the adult/parent, but I know how hard it is to go through this.

If you need to talk, you can message me. :)

I hate to be a negative nancy, but the reality is that as long as BOTH parents can provide a loving home with the basic necessities and can not be proven unfit, then 50/50 will actually produce a STRONGER more SECURE child. When a child divides their time between two households, at first it is an adjustment, however, kids adjust well and rather easily. There is NO reason why one parent should be given less time than the other if there is no reason to disqualify them. I understand that you fear for your child and that you dont want them to feel like a gypsy, BUT if you and your ex take the appropriate steps to make the transition easier (no negative talk, similar discipline styles, open communication, encouragement, consistency in scheduling but open to flexibility, and lots and lots of love) you can make this work. It is often the reaction of the parents that messes with the childs head. If they see mom cry when they leave, they will too cry because they think there is something WRONG with them going. If Dad says mom shouldnt have time with the kids or Dad says something negative at all the child will feel resentment towards the father for badmouthing mom and in turn feel the need to defend mom, if one parent is more stern than the other parent in sep households, then the child will try to play mom against dad etc. When one parent remarries or starts dating, its IMPORTANT that the ex be included in that change. YOU NEED to inform your ex of your status, you do not need to go into detail but your child will be affected and the ex has a right to know what is affecting the child. You also need to be respectful of when your ex moves on, because one day it will be you wanting to date or marry. You also need to explain to the child that the arrival of a new partner or spouse does not negate the importance of the relationship between mom and dad and you need to ASK your child TOGETHER what they want. If mom asks child and dad is not present the child will tell mom what they think mom wants to hear. It is the same if Dad asks alone. You need to present a UNITED front and talk with the child as EQUALS. If you have a volatile relationship with the ex, you MUST set that aside for the sake of the child. All too often, especially in cases of spouse betrayal, parents will inadvertently project their feelings onto their children and the children will have a tainted view of the parent. This is not fair to the child. Its important to allow your child to form their OWN opinion. Its important to realize that by implying that the other parent is bad you make the child feel like part of them is bad because they CAME FROM the other parent as well and it stifles their freedom to love freely. You sound like you care genuinely about your childs well being, but please remember that the custody arrangement will likely be HARDER ON YOU than your child. Children just need to know that mom and dad love them and want to be with them. They need to feel at home in all homes involved. If you worry about being apart for too long, make arrangements with the father to have time with your child during his week and on your weeks allow access to the child for him as well. By not limiting access to either parent, your child will feel as if not as much has changed. The hardest part of divorce when children are involved is trying to figure out whats best for the child and as long as you are motivated by your childs needs and wants, and not by anger, fear, or personal gain you will come out great! Keep up the good work and best of luck.

-child of divorce and former foster child.
-married mother and step mother going through custody battle with husbands ex who lost site of childs best interest.