Child Abuse Survivors Community Group
This group's primary focus is physical and/or emotional child abuse: our memories, how it's affected us as adults, how we've survived, etc.
Hello all, some of you know this... some dont.... but my situation is that i am pregnat... and the BF left me.
i hadnt been working so i am out of money and i have been very sick with no end in sight cause of the pregnancy.
family is no help really. i have a friend, and the parents of another friend whom i consider more family than my own, are willing to help. im trying to weigh the pro's and con's of each situation cause wherever i decide to stay is where i will be till i have the baby.
ok Choice 1 my friend
she has a nice little house... fully fenced, clean, i have my own good sized room... she has two kids of their own and all she asks is that i help out with food... however she is big christian... i am not... i dont want people trying to convert me. her husband makes me nervous.... it seems like he expects more out of me than i am able to do right now and may end up being a big controlling. i do not party, i do not go out hardly. but i would like to if i feel like it. i am by no means a bump on a log, i will help with things. i just dont want something bad to happen and end up messing up a 14 year friendship. and i need to be left alone if i feel like i want to be alone. but the room is ready to move in... and she would help with child care. but she wants me to just get a low paying job in town so i dont have to drive far... and im thinking i need to make more to save up and get myself a nice cushion in the bank... whether i have to drive or not.
Choice 2, mom dad harris
house is mess.... rooms are not ready to move in as they are being used for storage.... they want to, and are in the process of cleaning things up... it seems they genuinely want a clean put together house... it is better than it used to be. i wouldnt mind helping with that, but it will take some work, maybe a few weeks or a month, till i have my own space. i cant sleep on the floor much longer. but they will not judge, or push me in any direction, i am free to come and go as i please... and they care about me and listen without a biased opinion and would support any decision i make. one of the sons live outside in a bus... he is hard to deal with.. he thinks he is always right... or should i say "knows" and wont let anyone get a word in edgewise. the parents have given up and pretty much do as he says, so he has full rule over the house. i brought a game over for me and mom to play and he said that he would break it if he saw it out again..... cause he hates those games. not to mention that he plays rock band with the stereo up all the time. so i dont know about dealing with that. we are ok usually, but i dont know about living together, especially with me pregnat cause my tolerence is down.
ok, just wondering which you all think is better, i am just looking for feedback... i know no one can make my decision for me... just that its hard for me to decide. its hard for me to just sit back and accept help, because of the abuse i went through, as im sure its hard for some of you.
thanks
i hadnt been working so i am out of money and i have been very sick with no end in sight cause of the pregnancy.
family is no help really. i have a friend, and the parents of another friend whom i consider more family than my own, are willing to help. im trying to weigh the pro's and con's of each situation cause wherever i decide to stay is where i will be till i have the baby.
ok Choice 1 my friend
she has a nice little house... fully fenced, clean, i have my own good sized room... she has two kids of their own and all she asks is that i help out with food... however she is big christian... i am not... i dont want people trying to convert me. her husband makes me nervous.... it seems like he expects more out of me than i am able to do right now and may end up being a big controlling. i do not party, i do not go out hardly. but i would like to if i feel like it. i am by no means a bump on a log, i will help with things. i just dont want something bad to happen and end up messing up a 14 year friendship. and i need to be left alone if i feel like i want to be alone. but the room is ready to move in... and she would help with child care. but she wants me to just get a low paying job in town so i dont have to drive far... and im thinking i need to make more to save up and get myself a nice cushion in the bank... whether i have to drive or not.
Choice 2, mom dad harris
house is mess.... rooms are not ready to move in as they are being used for storage.... they want to, and are in the process of cleaning things up... it seems they genuinely want a clean put together house... it is better than it used to be. i wouldnt mind helping with that, but it will take some work, maybe a few weeks or a month, till i have my own space. i cant sleep on the floor much longer. but they will not judge, or push me in any direction, i am free to come and go as i please... and they care about me and listen without a biased opinion and would support any decision i make. one of the sons live outside in a bus... he is hard to deal with.. he thinks he is always right... or should i say "knows" and wont let anyone get a word in edgewise. the parents have given up and pretty much do as he says, so he has full rule over the house. i brought a game over for me and mom to play and he said that he would break it if he saw it out again..... cause he hates those games. not to mention that he plays rock band with the stereo up all the time. so i dont know about dealing with that. we are ok usually, but i dont know about living together, especially with me pregnat cause my tolerence is down.
ok, just wondering which you all think is better, i am just looking for feedback... i know no one can make my decision for me... just that its hard for me to decide. its hard for me to just sit back and accept help, because of the abuse i went through, as im sure its hard for some of you.
thanks
So, I suggest, getting on that phone and calling around to see what resources you can find....there is WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) program you can get on, to assist you with food, (pregnant women qualify for that program too) as well as food stamps, and as you call around, look in the phone book, on line, etc. for help, even if they say they can't or won't help you, ask them if they know who can or will....I live in a fairly big city, and there are lots of programs out there, that for one reason or another, I DON'T qualify for, and I have had to search far and wide. Anyone who wants to make you think you are just getting a "hand out" has never needed one. It's not as easy as you might think, especially when others make you feel lousy for needing and/or getting the help you need. Ignore their BS, and get moving!!! (it is often difficult for those of us who have been abused, to realize that there ARE things we CAN do to protect, and to take care of ourselves, and that it is not only OK, but a GOOD thing to reach out and get that help when and if we need it)
Do you see, that the options you have given yourself so far, are still at the mercy of people who are not necessarily, and probably won't, treat you so well?
Rise above it, and reach out for more. It's there.