i am the same way i do not want kids cuz of my shitty childhood. when i was a kid, i didnt like babies i wanted to do more than be some damn mother living like what society wants you to live and think.

I never got married or had children because therapists told me that people abused as children become abusers themselves. What they didn't tell me is that only a third of them do. Two-thirds of people who were abused during childhood do not become abusers. I'm pretty sure I'm not in the one-third, but in the two-thirds.

I never got married or had children because therapists told me that people abused as children become abusers themselves. What they didn't tell me is that only a third of them do. Two-thirds of people who were abused during childhood do not become abusers. I'm pretty sure I'm not in the one-third, but in the two-thirds.

I KNOW I would NOT have abused my child..in fact they are now finding the opposite ..kids who were abused usually become VERY loving parents, due to the fact that they know what it felt like to be abused. They can even become overly indulgent parents to their kids...this is the latest research.
ABUSED KIDS ARE OVERLY KIND TO THEIR OWN KIDS.
I was engaged & pregnant & VERY happy & excited ..buying baby clothes & all.
Then I lost my baby & her daddy left me.
I tried to have kids again with another guy who loved me..but it just didn't happen..I don't know why? I got pregnant the very 1st time I was with my first love.
And...I was HORRIBLY abused..almost to the point of death. I fled that house when I was 18 & never went back.
And I LOVED dolls when I was little..and LOVE babies too.
SO..I think the "experts" were WRONG!!!
I feel most abused kids become even more sensitive to the pain of others.

Hi Moonstar - I think you are right!

I think that abusers can go one of two ways - those who perpetuate the cycle of abuse and those who go the opposite way and can not even get annoyed at their children - I know I am in the second group and am thinking of adopting from foster care although I need a bigger apartment first!
Some of us do know that the cycle will end with us!
Father's day is bringing back a lot of negative memories for me
I also left home at 17 and never went back - congrats on your baby and I am sure you will be a wonderful and loving mother !

I understand that line of thinking. My man feels that way. He had a terrible childhood. But I'd give the world just to have the chance to be a better mom than mine was.

I never wanted children because as an abused kid, all the kids in school made fun of me, and I didn't know how to fight back, and I didn't like children....so I didn't want any, and even though I am elderly, I am not entirely wrong about not having kids. It only hurts when you are not doing mothers day, and seeing children with parents, and parents saying, I am seeing my children tonight. It is lonely, and isolating, but as for not having kids, I made the correct decision.

meyers

I will not have children , not because i was abused and think I will abuse them. Because most children abused want to make sure THEY do better then their dead beat parents. I do not want children because the entire world is a dark place to me, killings, rapes ( 1 in 4 women before the age of 7) robberys , there is just to much hate and eveil in the world. I dont want to bring a child into this world! Also i was just thinking here off topic maybe but IF 1 and 4 women were raped HOW MANY MEN are actually out there raping and molesting? I read a article that says 1 in 10 men WILL sexually abuse a women And or child. That makes me sick. sorry just venting

i agree with reply #9. my bf's mom said the way this world is, the economy, and nut cases shooting everybody including kids, is not the right to time ever to have kids. when i was a kid, there wasn't many kids in our old neighborhood so i was used to being around teens/older adults that is what i am more used to than children.

I never even date because I can't trust people. I'll always be alone and friendless in the real world because I am terrified that the potential for the worst in people will come out when I'm around them.

I do not agree with the therapist that said an abused child, as a parent, will grow up to abuse their own children...I think the opposite is true! My sister is a wonderful mother, she made sure her children had a better life than we had....and she accomplished that. I was a good mom too. I would never hurt my children the way I was hurt as a child.

no my children were my students same as all others

I had a daughter, and I would agree with Jenny. I read every book on child rearing and made sure that I did not repeat how I was raised.
My daughter is amazing.
So I would say you have to look into yourself and decide if you truly wish to be a parent, or if you prefer not to be. One is not better than the other.
If you do decide to have a child, I would suggest you focus first on healing yourself as much as possible, and creating an action plan for your triggers and definitely read up.

I didn't have kids yet and I don't know if I am going to. I am still young but seeing kids hurts me. A part of me really wants to have kids, but another part of me really doesn't because I don't think that I should.

And yeah sometimes parents will grow up to abuse their children but sometimes they won't and they will be the opposite. It depends for everyone. People who have wonderful childhoods could also grow up and become child abusers. There are no set rules for it and there are many different factors.