I used to keep repeating to myself over and over, "It never happened," and that worked for a while, but then I had to face the fact that I have PTSD as a result of child abuse.

I think we all do it, to a degree, or the abusers would never get away with it. I know I did it for a long, long time.

So it did happen . . . but I've got to keep it a secret and act as if it never did . . . every moment, every breath, every beat of my heart is guarded by the fear of being found out . . . I can't let people know that I was a victim or they'll think I'm weak or defective or maybe they'll even think that I'm an easy victim for them to abuse . . .

I really understand how you are feeling, but, you need to talk to a professional about this. These feelings are not going to go away by themselves, I can tell you that. You were an innocent child, you did nothing wrong. What happened to us is not our fault. But, if we do not do anything to help ourselves, we are going to self destruct, with drugs, alcohol and other means to hurt ourselves. Please get some professional help. I know in my case, my abusers denied what they did to my sister and me for a decade. In therapy we were validated what we though what happened to us really did, and it really happened to you too. Our abusers took away our childhood...don't let them take away your present or future. You can always talk to me. I am here for you. This is going to be hard, but, you can help yourself to get better. If I can do it, so can you. Child abuse is no longer a secret in our society. This has happened to more adults than you know. You are not alone. There is an angel on your shoulder...that's me.

it happened and they want you to be the one to blame I felt so helpless I recently fell in love with a DR and she was my doc for years she took advantage of the situation she though I was great amazing but dumped me because of my emotional problems i have DID and because we are 2 women she was so scared what others would think , she jerked my chain for a long time and ran away like I was a real cute dog or an exotic plant but too much trouble so I had my fun but I am too big and important her exodus made me feel the abandonment and losses of that ltlle gurl all over again , how the kids like her who were rich and powerful must have enjoyed putting me down and hurting me I cant even think of defending my heart and soul against this woman just have to let her go to eat her expensive food live in her expensive house keep everybody happy but dont let anyone know she is gay and fell in love with me I am good looking talented we played golf but I am a survivor of sexual abuse have severe depression ptsd did and flashbacks I grew up in a war alhough I became a successful music teacher today I cant even get out of my bed because her leaving caused a severe depression she had her fun and now I am alone again as the song went naturally, I am without famliy she acted like family being there for me but when she told one person and they rejected her she ran,,,, just like that I have known her for years,, and she knew she was my doctor for years a long time ago we just came back a year ago and we always likeed each other she is back to delivering babies she promised to always be here to help me we fell in love alot alike love all the same things look alike alot of passion but we come from rich vs poor OMG ,, she overempowered me stripped of power,, I am in a world of hurt as I am going through all over again rejection being reduced back to that dirty little gurl, the pain is so bad I want to completely give it up forever,, help me please some comfott wisdom ,, dont worry I can call the crisis line I have a therapist just being honest I feel used and abused,, was it my fault,,

I convinced my self of this until years of my life were no longer in my active memory. As an adult I was confused to the reality of the lost years. I made a promise to keep a secret! The secret Haunted my future. It set forth a pain I could not define. I knew there was something wrong, but the secret I put in the cold dark vault was locked! What was I to do?? For reasons I do not know a devastating situation caused me to remember the secret I was hiding from myself. I can remember! I feel the pain again, see the faces, and feel lost.

I think we all do this ive been burrying it since I was 5 its almost like a bad dream. I almost feel embarrassed. That it happened to me which is dumb because I was only five when my dads brother started abusing me ive never seeked help I dont know how to deal with it so I turned to drugs