Maybe to prove to you once and for all that he really doesn't care so that you can let him go.

That is tough to think about, jaded, but I suppose that would be a valid reason...

I have to agree with Jaded....if he truly cared about you, he would not treat you this way. I don't know your story very well, but I would encourage you to figure out why you would accept this treatment. Trust me- I've had to do a lot of self analysis over the past several years to figure why I have allowed to be treated certain ways, and why I have done certain things such as having an A (which is finally over as of 6 months ago). The question is do you want to be "Someone" or "Some BODY". To him you just "some Body". I don't mean to sound hard or cruel, he is a JERK, who is only interested in his sexual needs! He is not interested in a real relationship with you because hence it would require way too much work for him (plus he is already married). So as long as when he desires you sexually, and you are there for him- he is happy as a clam. And when he gets his "fix"- he puts you back upon the shelf like a toy to be forgotten, until next time he feels like playing. You deserve better treatment, and someone with whom you can have a real relationship. I don't know if you're still married or not, because I don't know your story that well, but regardless- nobody deserves to be treated this casual. It is not worth it for your soul and your spirit. It will only erode your self esteem, and goodness knows, most of us on CA or CO have self esteem issues! Bottom line- is this a guy you really want to cry over?

Hi bluesky...He is NOT married; I am. There were posts where I detailed my situation, but I admit that I had them removed because I included details where he might recognize himself and I got paranoid that he would stumble across them.

He is divorced, now a 'confirmed bachelor' type and seems to prefer cyber sex/masturbation to the real thing. When he had sex with me the first time, he told me it had been years for him. I have done a lot reading about narcs and it seems some of them are that way about sex.

I am also a sex addict...:(.

Thank you for the feedback. I know what you say is true, but it is so damn hard. He tells me we are 'meant to be' and all that stuff and I keep hoping that he change is ways (though I know that is an irrational hope).

I have been journaling more about my situation, since I can restrict those entries. I will send you a friend request...

*I keep hoping that he WILL change HIS ways...

He will only change if he wants to and why should he? It's working for him. The only person over whom you have any control is yourself.

Sorry I thought he was married- but either way- there comes a point where a person is just not worth another ounce of energy. I do know it is hard. It took me at least 10 times breaking it off with my OM. Like I said, thankfully I'm 6 months out with no contact now, and my life is 100% better off, but it took 2 and 1/2 years and 10 break ups to get there (and I'm not exaggerating on the breakups! Jeez). Once you know it really isn't worth it, even for the few really good moments you may have together- you will know a freedom that is priceless.

I still have not heard from him. I threw myself at him and nothing changed. So much for his excuse that, if he had sex with me again, he would then want me everyday...

There was a MM about 16 years ago who told me he couldn't have sex with me because it would 'feel too good' and he wouldn't be able to stop. He did, it was great. He had no problem stopping, that was just a line. He also had no problem throwing me under the bus when he wife found out.

Come to think of it, he was another Peter Pan, unwilling to grow up, concerned only with being seen as a hero, a rock star, crowing and being admired by his many followers. A narcissistic child.

When you have been used and discarded, how do you feel about yourself? Can you relate to the idea of being the drug? My biggest high during the A was the sense that I was his cocaine, that he wanted me and I was irresistible, that I had some power over him. Wasn't that the carrot he dangled, that if he had sex with you, you would then have power over him like cocaine has over the user? How powerful to be cocaine in human form!!! Then what a letdown to find that it's an illusion, we have no value, they can get that feeling from others or from an actual substance, and we are dispensable.

I feel like a complete idiot, frankly. I went to his house at night...total booty call...was only there long enough to do the deed. Followed up the next day with a series of ever-more desperate messages, which he of course ignored.

Your point about the cocaine is well-taken. It does feel like a high to hear everything he says when he wants to talk to me. He is full of flattery. The wanting-sex-everyday was kind of offset by the 10 minute thing, but I know I still let things go to my head. Very foolish of me.

Interesting that you were fed the same line. This was a first for me.

I'M NOT CRYING, though. I'm not crying. That is a first, too, and a welcome one.

cindy, you've made a few statements that leave me wondering how in touch you are with your feelings. Do you think you block your emotions in order to cope with certain situations?

I'm not always a terribly emotional person, but I am not sure if I block emotions or not. What statements make you suspect that I do? Just curious.