My MM said that, too. He said that he has no guilt at all about us. This is what he said exactly (in his words):

"Guilt is a double edged sword. Should I guilt myself into unhappiness or should I enjoy the journey for my happiness? I am going to enjoy the ride guilt free knowing that I didn’t bring myself to this point. Sometimes fate intervenes and takes care of good people. Some people are lost and when you find the one you know. Should it matter? I will always be a good father to my kids no matter what! People grow apart for various reasons, money, attraction, life in general. Its ok to change with life. There is no rule that you have to be unhappy. Am I guilty…(if you knew the past with my wife) ABSOLUTELY NOT! and I think my kids would respect my honesty and when the time is right I will explain that too them and explain no matter what I will always be Dad no matter how this plays out! Release your guilt and enjoy the ride!"

wow love it!

My MM said something similar! He said that in the beginning he felt guilty, but didn't convey it right. He has felt guilty for hurting me and not being with me. Not guilty because he cheated on her. We both have good relationships at home, simply are missing some passion.

Caregiver - Can you really have a "good relationship at home" and not feel any guilt for cheating on your partner? How does that work?

I said that the MM doesn't feel guilty. I feel guilty. Every moment of every day. For an emotional affair. Well, with some kissing involved. I don't know how to go about 'getting rid' of the MM when we are in love.

I was referring to him, the MM. I had a feeling that you do feel guilt.

I don't feel guilty :( There are times when I feel a little bit bad but rarely. Most of the time, I feel justified in finally meeting my own needs after giving and giving and giving to someone who doesn't appreciate and support me. I feel like marriages can come in all shapes and sizes. We have close friends who have been married 20+ and have been in an open/alternative marriage for the last 10. They are happy and secure and committed to each other but still have their other partner.

As for guilt, though, genuinely it doesn't keep me up at night...

Are you experimenting with an open marriage? Or was that someone else in here?

I do feel guilt. I don't know his wife. I can believe Jim about her and their relationship and still feel guilty for sleeping with her husband, no matter how bad she was to him. Its my natural empathetic personality.

I do not feel guilty that I started with him while I was separated from my husband, though. Not a single shred of guilt for that. I was done, we were over, and how cheated so many times...

Hey Jaded. Yeah, it's me but we aren't actually experimenting. Just a general conversation about open marriage but we haven't applied it to our situation yet. I'm not sure that we will but I was shocked that he was willing to even have that conversation. Those types of things haven't gone well in the past.

I guess I feel weird that I'm the only one without guilt. I do know his W and, funny enough, even my H hates her. It's not even that, though. I don't feel like my relationship with him takes anything from her. He loves her and is devoted to their family. We only talk when he's at work or after she's gone to bed which is super early and he's a nightowl. When he's with his family, he's completely focused on them and I wouldn't change that because that's what I do for my family. I don't want to take him from her, I want to be in addition to her. Does that make any sense or does it sound super crazy? Haha. I can't tell!

Still, feels crappy that everyone has guilt but me :(

Honestly, CanadianDream, I don't feel much guilt, either. I compartmentalize. It is separate from my marriage. I do feel some shame, but that is not for straying from my marriage. It is more for the sex addiction aspect. I have some desires that are 'out there'. I have not acted on them yet, but fear I might.

Also, I want to get away from my OM mainly because he is a narcissist (I think) and hurts me emotionally on a regular basis.

Canadian - My MM is not in love with his wife. So I guess in a way I don't take any love away from her, since it wasn't there before me. I know he isn't guilty. But still, somehow, I am. We talk when he's at work or at night or in the morning. He has lied to her a few times about where he would be when he was actually with me. There was one time that they were planning their family vacation by text while he was laying in bed with me. THAT was really far too weird.

I think my guilt comes from being on the other side of this. I do know that our situations are really, really different. My husband was a sex addict who claims to have been in love with me while he was trolling the internet for sex with other women. He lied and lied and lied some more - about literally everything there is to lie about. So when I discovered his betrayals, thinking I had married a completely different person, it was devastating. Just heart-wrenching.

I know that things aren't the same with him and his wife, but I still can't imagine ever inflicting that kind of pain on another person.

How interesting, Cindy. I think I must compartmentalize too. That's what makes the most sense to me. I think I can relate to feeling shame over not being able to control myself sexually. Sometimes, I think "this is what I'm risking my life for?" It all feels so foolish sometimes. I can also relate to wanting to escape too. Sigh. Hugs!

I definitely compartmentalize. I have one life at work, another at home, one where I'm a student, one as a single woman, one as a betrayed wife going through a divorce, and another as the other woman. I have so many identities. They are all me. But some days the parts and pieces seem disjointed, separate from one another.